


Hold On

by seidrlightning



Series: Hold On 'verse [1]
Category: Marvel (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies), Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Actor!Thor, Actors, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Blow Jobs, Crossdressing, F/M, He won't stay that way forever I swear, Hollywood, Intersex Loki, Kid!fic beginning, Language Kink, Loki Feels, Loki Needs a Hug, M/M, Masturbation, Models, Mpreg, Musicians, Nightmares involving memories of Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Memories, Pining, Poorly prepared penetration, Singer/Songwriter!Loki, Slow rebuild, Some angst, Some characters have a few OC-ish tendencies but nothing bad, Some douchebag!Thor, Underage in the sense that both Loki and Thor are teenagers when they're first together, Violence, mentions of anal sex, wet dreams
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-25
Updated: 2015-11-02
Packaged: 2018-02-06 03:57:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 46
Words: 79,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1843477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seidrlightning/pseuds/seidrlightning
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki and Thor were children when they met. They were teenagers when they fell in love.</p><p>Loki was only nineteen when Thor broke his heart for Hollywood. </p><p>Loki had just turned twenty when he felt the first stirrings of Hela inside of him.</p><p>He didn't think he could come back from this, but he would try in wake of following his dreams and to give his daughter the best life he could.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Strangers to Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This idea just wouldn't leave me alone, it has been plaguing me for weeks now. It has too much potential to put off any longer. This thing is loaded with Marvel characters but is centered around you know who. I hope you enjoy it!

_17 years ago..._

Farbauti sighed as she pulled into the driveway of the new home. She turned when she heard a similar sound from the backseat; she mustered up as much of a smile as she could for her 8-year old. Laufey’s death had been hard on them both and in need for as much as a new start as possible, she chose to move the incomplete family from their homeland of Sweden to a small neighborhood in America - Boston, Massachusetts to be exact.

“Vi är här, mitt hjärta.” she said.

Loki looked out the window and sighed again before unbuckling his seat belt and opening the door. Farbauti got out too and walked up to the front door just as the movers arrived.

Loki sat on the edge of the sidewalk and stared into space as burly men hurled their entire life into the empty shell of their new home. They had buried his father only a month prior and it still hurt as if he had died yesterday - he was so lost in his familiar grief that he failed to notice the small girl bounding over to his location and standing right in front of him.

“Hi!”

Loki startled and looked up at her. “Hej. I-I mean hi,” he responded quietly, his accent thick.

“You talk funny, where are you from?”

Her hair was blonde and her eyes shone a deep blue. “Sweden.”

The girl whistled. “A long way away from home. I’m Sigyn.” Sigyn held her hand out.

Loki reluctantly reached out and shook it. “Loki.”

“Loki,” she repeated. “Well my friends and I are about to play soccer - its football in your country I think - and we need one more player to even it out. Care to join?”

Loki looked down at his attire, he wore plain sneakers, baggy shorts, and a striped t-shirt, it was okay play material. He wasn’t sure though, it was mid-July and the weather was so much hotter here than back home.

“Loki, you are making new friends already?” His mother smiled, her arms around a medium-sized box.

“Hi!” Sigyn waved enthusiastically at Farbauti. “We’re about to play at the park down there,” she pointed to the edge of the neighborhood a few houses down. “Can he come? My mommy is gonna be the watching us so we got an adult.”

Farbauti smiled. “Of course. Stick with her and be home for dinner. We’ll go out and eat.”

“The Odinsons are having a barbecue later. Mr. Odinson’s burgers are to die for. I’m sure Miss Frigga will come to you anyway Mrs. -”

“Laufeyson.” Farbauti smiled.

“Laufeyson.” Sigyn repeated. “She always brings a new neighbor some of her apple pie.”

Farbauti chuckled. “I’ll keep an eye out for her.”

Loki didn’t have a chance to respond after that before he was dragged away by a very excited Sigyn.

 

They were at the park in no time, Sigyn pulling Loki over to an equally as blonde woman. “Mommy this is Loki. He’s from Sweden. He’s gonna play with us.”

The woman gave her daughter an exasperated smile, knowing that Loki may not be here against his will. Her daughter was very persistent. “Nice to meet you Loki. You can call me Mrs. Nal.”

“Nice to meet you Mrs. Nal.” Loki replied quietly.

Next he was hauled over to where a group of kids around his age - such a contrast from his old neighborhood - who were already kicking the ball back and forth.

“Everybody! I gots us our player!” Sigyn shouted to them.

A pale, dark haired and dark eyed girl raised her brow. “When you said you were going to search the block for a new player I didn’t think you were serious.” She shook her head and stepped forward. “I’m Darcy.” She clapped him on the shoulder before turning to introduce the rest. “The other boy is Svad. The girl with the weird hair -”

“Hey!”

“- is Ororo. Miss Greek here is Elektra. The mean looking one is Angrboda, but please call her Angie or she will hit you. Blondie number two is Carol, or Carrie. That’s Marcia and that’s Wanda. And you are?”

Loki was feeling overwhelmed and ducked back shyly.

“This is Loki. He’s from Sweden.”

It seemed as though that would be the permanent introduction line.

“Sweden? Sounds sexy.”

“Do you even know what that _means_?” The Greek girl, _Elektra_ , rolled her eyes.

“I heard it on TV, does that count?”

“Let’s just play.”

“Do you wanna be a goalie or a kicker?” Sigyn smiled at Loki.

“Um...”

Darcy snorted. “He’s on our team and Angie’s too rough to be a kicker so she’s the goalie.”

The park was mostly designed for kids and the goals set up were a fair distance apart but not enough to be too taxing for the youngsters. As he moved into position next to Sigyn, he looked over to where a similar size group was running around, a brown, oddly shaped ball in their clutches.

“Those are some of the other kids, they’re a year older than most of us. They’re playing American football.” Sigyn told him.

A blonde boy - rather large for being only a year older - threw the ball to the ground on one of the ends and jumped up and down, having possibly scored a point, the grin on his face was bright and large when he turned in their direction.

“That’s Thor. He’s the Odinsons’ son. His older brother is in middle school already!”

The boy cocked his head to the side as he took Loki in and soon he waved. Loki gave a hesitant one in response before Darcy gave a pathetic excuse for a whistle to start off their game.

 

\------------------

 

The kids in this country held no punches when they decide to target someone. It had been only a month and Wade Wilson, a boy two years ahead, already decided that Loki was worth his ire - anything from calling him names to not so subtle pushes and jabs of the elbow was fair game to him.

Loki and Sigyn were playing a game of tic-tac-toe in the sand when the boy came up with two of his friends - Johnny and Charlie - and wiped their came away with a sweep of the foot. “Sup Loki?” _Low-key_ is what it sounded like.

Loki ignored him and redrew their game, only for Wade to wipe it away again.

Sigyn huffed. “Will you go away?”

“I just wanna talk to Loki, can’t do that when he’s not paying attention.” He nudged Loki with his foot.

“Being a big bully isn’t going to help.”

“Loki...”

Wade grinned. “‘Being a big bully isn’t going to help.’” He mocked in a whiny voice.

“Just go away.” Sigyn scowled.

“I told you we just wanna talk.”

“Calling people names isn’t talking, it’s being mean.”

“‘It’s being mean,’” Johnny squeaked.

“What’s going on here?”

Everyone turned to where a boy, Loki recognized him as the same boy that waved at him the day he moved in, Thor. The barbecue had been nice and his mother and Miss Frigga were the best of friends already, she was at their home more often than not since that first day.

“Just talkin’ to Loki here,” he noticed that he didn’t pronounce it as _Low-key_ anymore.

“He doesn’t look like he wants to talk to you. You should respect that.”

Wade snorted. “Whatever, we were bored anyway. Let’s go guys.”

“Thank you.” Loki said softly after they left.

“Yeah, he’s been giving him a hard time since he got here.”

“I thought so.” Thor gave Loki that same bright smile. “You two wanna come to the jungle gyms? We’re about to play hide-n-seek.”

“Sure.”

“Okay.”

Sigyn bounded ahead of them and Thor stuck beside him as they walked.

“I’m Thor.”

“I know. I’m Loki.”

Thor grinned again. “I know.”

They shook hands.

Wade had quite the black eye when he arrived to Mrs. Munroe’s, Ororo’s mother, class tomorrow morning. Loki shyly approached him later to tell him (Loki just knew it had been him) that it was unnecessary but thanks anyway. They became as inseparable as their mothers after that day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"Vi är här, mitt hjärta."_ means "We are here, my heart." (According to Google translate anyway. Please correct me if it's wrong.)
> 
>  
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	2. Friendship to Relationship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Overwhelmed by the response for this, so I'll go ahead and post chapter two! Thanks so much! The chapters will get longer once I get their history out of the way.

_12 years ago..._

 

From a young age Loki inherently knew that he wasn’t like other boys. He was reminded of it every time he went to the bathroom and had to sit down instead of stand, when he took his clothes off to bathe, and when he flipped through his father’s, a doctor, old anatomy books before he passed away. He didn’t have a penis and testicles like the other boys, in their place he had a vagina and a fully functioning female reproductive system. His chest was flat though and his voice was distinctly male but held a female undertone that he hoped others couldn’t hear.

Why was he so... _different_?

It had been an internal problem until the day he was foolish enough to go to the beach. It was Thor’s fourteenth birthday and instead of throwing a party for all the neighborhood kids to come, he rounded up his gang of friends and Loki (and Loki’s group of friends by extension) for some fun at the beach, causing Frigga to rent a small bus to accommodate everyone; his mother would join them as soon as she got off work and changed.

It was all in all fun, Loki had to admit, even though he continuously felt a subtle cramp in his lower abdomen and lower back that got increasingly painful as the day wore on, but he splashed around and played as freely as everyone else, helping the others tackle and dunk the birthday boy.

It wasn’t until it was time to change and go home that things went wrong for Loki. There were separate changing rooms for the boys and the girls and Loki had subtly tried to follow a waiting Sigyn (she had been the only one he had felt truly comfortable revealing the truth of his anatomy to and she hadn’t teased him or given him a reason to regret offering her so much trust), but Thor swooped in and threw an arm around Loki’s slim shoulders, carting him off to the boys’ locker room, Sigyn staring after them worriedly until the door closed behind them.

The guys wasted no time undressing and heading off to scrub away the sand and salt on their skin and in their hair. Loki kept his swimming trunks on as he scrubbed himself, ignoring the odd look or two before the others just chopped it up as Loki being Loki. The pale boy lingered in the corner as the others left to change into their regular clothes and head for the bus. He sighed as he turned off the spray and proceeded to dry himself off a little; a particularly sharp cramp made him press a hand low on his stomach and he looked down to see a trickle of blood trailing down his leg onto the white tile of the shower room.

Loki pulled down his trunks and sure enough his thighs were covered in blood. He should have been expecting this, hadn’t his mother just sat him down to explain what would happen?

“Loki, are you com-”

Thor and Loki froze in looked at each other in horror - Thor at the blood on Loki’s thighs and Loki at the fact that he was exposed to Thor. He wanted to cry.

“Thor...”

Thor ran out to the main locker room and Loki heard shuffling, scared out of his mind that the others were still there and that he was telling them what he saw. Instead though, Thor came back with his red towel and an extra shirt he’d packed, tucking Loki’s towel in his trunks between his legs before wrapping it around Loki’s waist before helping him into the shirt.

“I’m going to go get Farbauti, will you be okay while I’m gone?”

Loki nodded dumbly, his eyes focused on the ground, the wall, anywhere but at Thor.

The blonde ran out of the room, Loki standing alone in silence and shame as he waited.

Farbauti gave him a rueful smile when she came in, Thor behind her. “What a fine day for you to finally get it, huh mitt hjärta?” She turned to Thor, “you have not left yet?”

Thor shook his head. “I told Mom I’m riding home with you.”

“Hm. Come Loki. Take care of how you walk.”

Thor glanced at him or outright stared at him when he thought Loki wasn’t paying attention throughout the ride back to their neighborhood. The looks he gave Loki didn’t hold a hint of mockery or signs of him being weirded out, instead they were filled with something that made Loki feel warm and flustered, something Loki had no hope of identifying at the moment.

 

From then on, Thor became a lot more physical with Loki. Sure, Thor was a very physical person, his hands waving as he spoke and was quick to offer a pat, a firm grip or an arm over the shoulder, but with Loki he was always touching him - when they sat together their legs were in constant contact, when they climbed up stairs or walked up a hill Thor’s hand was firm on Loki’s back and when they went downstairs or walked down steep pathways Thor had a hand on his arm.

The bright smiles were also in abundance, flashing in good humor at others but when they were directed at Loki they held a meaningful, soft tinge to them. They used to spend time together as a collective group with Thor and Loki being alone on seldom occasions but now Thor invited him to places where it would be just the two of them or just invite Loki over to his house.

The amount of taunts he received declined over the next two years due to both Thor’s constant presence physically and spiritually (especially for the year Loki had to endure middle school without him since Thor was a grade ahead of him) and Loki’s aptitude for knowledge that helped many a person get a passing grade so they wouldn’t be left behind. The icing on the cake of his last year was being put into a chorus class, where he lost himself in the music that was becoming an increasingly significant part of his life - he’d even picked up the habit of writing the words that came to mind in a small journal.

He joined band class once he finally got to high school, along with most of the gang (excluding Ororo, Marcia, Wanda, and Elektra). His association with Thor and crew kept a good chunk of taunters away but not all of them, and Loki found himself back at square one when it came to the bullies, just minus the physical stuff, but it also meant that the words hurled at him was much more brutal - he was no longer teased for his origins, targeting his androgynous tendencies was now what they considered fair game.

Loki was fifteen and Thor was sixteen when they shared their first kiss. Things had started out innocently enough, a friendly squabble over the victor of the shooter game they had been playing that turned into an equally as friendly wrestling match with Thor ending as the obvious victor. He had always been large for his age but at sixteen he was already pushing the six foot mark and the combination of the sports he now played added a considerable amount of bulk to that height, but he was always gentle with Loki. 

He offered Loki a warm smile and Loki returned it - recently he had begun to reciprocate the attention, the smiles, and the touches Thor gave. He was finally coming to understand what he’d felt back at the beach, he liked Thor, really liked him.

Thor’s expression became unreadable for a split second before he closed the space between them. The kiss was uncoordinated and sloppy on Loki’s end, an embarrassed flush tinging his cheeks when Thor pulled away, but Thor had a sweet smile on his face. He pushed himself off the floor and handed the controller back to Loki.

The next day when Frigga came over Thor was with her for the first time since their pre-pubescent years, and with both his mother and Loki in attendance, he respectfully asked Farbauti if he could date Loki. The combined hopeful looks of the boys and Frigga’s eagerness and gentle insistence swayed Farbauti into reluctantly agreeing.

They went to the movies to see Revenge Mafia that Friday, an action film both had been dying to see; Loki couldn’t for the life of him tell anyone what it was about, but by the end of it his kisses were no longer clumsy - he’d had a very thorough lesson from Thor in the back of the theater.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	3. Looking Forward to the Future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! I've had a busy week thrown in with the occasional bout of laziness. As far as the Swedish goes from now on, I'm going to have it written in a way that one could decipher what is said but if you want the translation don't hesitate to ask.

_9 years ago...._

 

Loki whined and squirmed, the grip he had on Thor’s naked shoulders tightening as his boyfriend’s, soon to be lover’s, thick fingers worked deep inside of him. They had done this many times before in the last month or so, Thor finally having convinced him that what he held between his legs was nothing to be ashamed of. It never stopped Loki from being shy when their moments alone would take a more sensual turn, but every time he let go Thor worshipped every part of him that he laid bare and this time was no different in regards to what they were doing now.

He whimpered when they brushed that secret spot that Thor had discovered the third time they had done this. He was wet, embarrassingly so, he could feel himself dripping as Thor continued with his ministrations. When Thor pressed a fourth finger in with the others Loki winced, the blonde using his free hand to gently rub Loki’s lower abdomen. This is where things would take a different turn tonight.

Loki found himself relaxing again as Thor sought out that spot that made his legs weak. All too soon Thor was pulling his fingers away and sliding off of the bed. He worked quickly to unfasten his jeans, the slick wetness on the fingers of Thor’s right hand making Loki blush, but the embarrassment gave way to fear once Thor pushed down his pants and underwear.

Oh god.

While Thor had been eager to give Loki pleasure in their encounters he politely refused Loki’s attempts at returning the favor - Loki understood why now. It only made sense that this portion of his anatomy would be proportional to the rest of him. Thor was big, intimidatingly so. Loki swallowed thickly as Thor climbed back on the large bed and retrieved the bottle he had sat there when they had first begun. 

With Loki on the pill, they decided to take the risk tonight so that there was no barriers between them for their first time. Thor popped the top and drizzled some of the lubricant on his fingers before coating himself with it; wiping the excess on the bed, Thor positioned himself between Loki’s legs.

He leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to Loki’s lips. “If you want me to stop at any point let me know and I will. Understand?”

Loki nodded numbly. He was scared but he was determined to see this through. Lots of people have done this, even at the age of sixteen, he was sure that they weren’t the only ones about to make love at this very moment. He would do this.

Thor pet his hair. “Relax for me, sweetheart.”

Loki closed his eyes and took a deep breath and gave him a hesitant nod.

Thor pushed forward and Loki nearly forgot how to breathe; he was too big, this wasn’t going to work. Before he knew it though, Thor had almost bottomed out inside of him. He whimpered, tears leaking from the corners of his eyes as he squeezed them shut.

“L-Loki...”

He pried his eyes open, taking in the almost pained expression on Thor’s face.

“Your grip on my cock is awfully tight. In this case it’s too much of a good thing. Relax for me. I promise to make this feel good for you. Relax Loki.” Thor smiled as Loki took deep breaths. “That’s it, darling. Breathe in, breathe out. Good.” Thor pull back and pressed back in.

It didn’t hurt as bad as they got into the swing of things and the pleasure was slowly starting to seep in, Loki wrapped his arms around Thor’s shoulders. Thor nudged against that spot on a shallow push and Loki cried out as he saw stars - it felt even better than when Thor used his fingers.

“Right t-there,” his accent was even thicker in the throes of passion, even he could hear it in his own voice. Loki let out a hoarse shout when Thor pressed more insistently up against it and he twined his long legs around Thor’s waist and used the heels of his feet to spur Thor on further. “You’re hitting it.”

Thor increased the pace of his strokes until the headboard of Thor’s bed was clanging against the wall on every thrust. Tears were flowing from Loki’s eyes for a different reason now, the pleasure coursing through him was overwhelming and he couldn’t hold back the sounds that were jarred from his throat. Thank goodness they were alone.

“Thor!” Loki’s eyes rolled back on a particularly toe-curling thrust. “Yes, Thor, yes!” He would be mortified at himself later but now it was just too good for him to care.

A guttural moan passed Thor’s lips and Loki raked his blunt nails down Thor’s massive back. He eased Loki down enough for him to push his hand between them to give proper attention to Loki’s swollen clitoris. For all the noise he’d been making, his orgasm was fairly silent, a broken whimper escaping as his body seized below Thor.

Thor swelled inside of him just before he felt the warmth of Thor’s come, Thor groaning thickly as he rode out his own completion. His boyfriend caught himself on his elbows before he collapsed on Loki, waiting a beat before he slowly eased out of him. Thor gathered him in his arms and showered his face in kisses.

“Happy anniversary.” Thor panted with a big smile on his handsome face.

Loki grinned in return. Their first year together. There was no way better to celebrate it and there was no gift better than giving their virginities to each other. “Happy anniversary.”

“Are you sure you can’t stay? My parents won’t be back until Monday at the earliest.” It was only Friday and the night had fallen just an hour prior. Thor’s parents had gone to visit Frigga’s sister, an aunt he admittedly didn’t like who held just as much disdain for him dating back to the years where a prepubescent Thor would run around wreaking havoc on her furniture.

“You know how my mor is, min älskling.”

Thor sighed but kissed him, deepening it when Loki granted his tongue entry. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Loki rested his head on Thor’s firm chest, Thor setting the alarm on his phone to wake them up in time to get him home before Farbauti skinned him alive.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Loki smiled at the sight of the moonlight reflecting off of his ring. A large hand covered his and brought it up to soft lips, Loki feeling stubble on his soft skin as Thor pressed a kiss to the band of the ring.

He’d graduated at the top of his class _and_ got engaged to the love of his life tonight. He knew there was no one better for him and he’d agreed immediately. Frigga had burst into tears of unfathomable joy, much like Loki, but he’d been much more subtle in his tears, and his mother had a small smile on her face, though her eyes remained neutral as she looked on. He and Thor have been together for three years as of March 6th, so why was there still hesitation on her part?

The graduation turned engagement party went on until the late hours of the night, Loki coming back with Thor to what would soon be his new home. The apartment Thor picked his freshman year was a perfect distance away from Emerson where Thor would be a sophomore come fall and Loki’s dream school Berklee where Loki would began his college career with his closest group of friends. 

His best friend had had her own reservations about their relationship and recent engagement judging by the way she acted around Thor, but Sigyn offered him her best smiles and basked in the fact that her best friend was happy and obviously in love. Thor would grow on her over the years - of that, Loki was sure. Thor was someone that had immense vitality and tons of charisma and that combination drew everyone in effortlessly. He had no doubt that Thor would become the great actor that he is inspiring to be.

Thor kissed him and Loki responded in kind before they parted, foreheads pressed together and eyes locked.

“Jag älskar dig.”

It was a bit rough in pronunciation, but what it lacked in articulation was more than made up for in essence. Loki has been teaching him Swedish with a few words and phrases at a time nearly every day, be it over the phone or in person, since last year when Thor expressed the desire to learn it.

“Jag älskar dig också.” Loki replied before bringing their lips back together.

He didn’t know that he could be so happy at the tender age of eighteen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	4. Departure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I truly apologize for the long wait. RL got in the way and to top it all off the internet was shut off for well over a week. Thank you for being so patient and for the increasingly amazing responses this has gotten!

In retrospect, Loki should have known what was coming. During this last week Thor had been more hands on with him than ever. He held onto him like a leech every time they cuddled close in bed or while watching tv, in public his arm around his shoulders, his hand in one of Loki’s back pockets, or his was hand clutching onto his with a vengeance. He cooked for them without his usual pouting, even trying out new ingredients in their favorite dishes and presenting new ones for Loki to try. And when the night came he often kept Loki up all kinds of hours, loving him until they both collapsed from exhaustion and just barely awakening at the sound of the alarm clock in the morning.

Loki balanced the bags of groceries with one hand while fiddling with the lock with the other. 

“Aha!” he grinned when the door finally came open, using his foot to widen the gap enough to slip through, closing the door with a quick flick of the ankle. He moved into the kitchen and put everything in its rightful place in the fridge, pantry, and various cabinets. He frowned and looked around once he finished - something was off. Very off.

He sat his keys down on the counter and walked out of the kitchen, looking around as he went. He stopped when he saw Thor in the living room, his hands dangling between his legs and his head down.

“Thor?”

The blonde was slow to look up, resignation and reluctance permeated in his body language. “Loki.” Thor stood and approached him, stopping just in front of him. “Loki.”

“Thor?” Loki frowned as Thor cupped his face gently in his large hands.

“I’m sorry Loki.”

He kissed him.

“Wh-what? Sorry for what?”

“I’m so sorry Loki.” Thor kissed him again. “It isn’t you, gods Loki it isn’t you.” Thor dropped his hands and squeezed past Loki to the front door.

“Thor?” What the hell was going on? He wasn’t making any sense. Loki ran through the front door and down the stairs, clutching Thor’s hand in his. Loki looked down and noticed the absence of the ring that had been on his finger. “T-Thor?”

“There was a scout at the show last Saturday. Said they could really use a fresh talent to light up the movie screens.”

Loki could barely see Thor’s face through the veil of his tears that quickly blurred his vision. “And you’re not taking me? You’re leaving me?”

“You can be more than a local musician and I can be more than some theater rat.”

“I don’t care about that! I told you I would be more than willing to put that to the side. My dream of being with you means so much more than this whole musician thing. Is it not the same for you?”

Agent Phil Coulson walked out from the other side of the U-Haul Loki had noticed on his way up but paid no heed to. He should have. “We gotta be at the airport in ten, Thor.”

“Let go, Loki.” Thor tugged his hand gently away. “I have a flight I need to catch.”

“There’s nothing I can do to change your mind?” Loki felt the first of the tears drop despite his valiant efforts to keep them at bay.

“I love you.” Thor simply said.

Loki shook his head and wrapped his arms around himself. Things had been going so well - he and his friends had been playing in a few big spots here and Thor had been a shining star on the stage, there had been talks about the sophomore that stole the show – he looked down at his ring, something that had meant so much but was now worth nothing. They had been engaged for a little over a year, they hadn’t had a date set in stone but they knew that they wanted to spend the rest of their lives together. Or so Loki had thought.

He turned and trudged back up the stairs, his heart shattering bit by bit with each step he took away from the love of his life.

Thor watched him go, his heart hurting just as bad. He felt a firm squeezed on his shoulder. He offered a watery smile to his new manager.

“Ready?”

Thor nodded and followed him to the truck.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Sigyn frowned as Loki emptied the contents of his stomach for the second time this morning, and the third morning this whole week.

She had been worried when her best friend hadn’t been returning any of her calls, and when she went to his apartment after what had to have been the millionth missed call, she found him curled on the couch in the pitch black living room, sobbing into one of the throw pillows. She and Angie, who had tagged along just in case anything was wrong, had tried to get a clear answer from him, but it wasn’t until Angie had gone into the bedroom that they discovered why Loki was such a mess – Thor’s clothes were gone from their shared closet and all his personal touches were nowhere to be found in the entire apartment.

That had been about three weeks ago. They had sold all the furniture in the apartment and Loki moved back in with his mother, who was fuming just as much, if not more than Sigyn herself. She personally hadn’t like the “Golden boy” and it pained her to see just how much in love Loki was with him, knowing that guys with their eyes set on Hollywood was no good. She should have made her distaste more apparent and Farbauti should have never gave Thor the chance to steal the heart he would inevitably crush.

“We need to get you to a doctor.” She flushed the toilet once Loki had stopped.

“For what?” They turned to see Farbauti’s eyes locked on them. “He’s pregnant. He doesn’t need one of these over-expensive white coats to tell him such.” Farbauti had been a veteran mid-wife back in Sweden, helping to not only birth children, but checking up on the mothers all throughout their pregnancies.

Loki whimpered before bursting into tears, it seemed that that was all he did these days. This time Sigyn couldn’t help but sympathize even more than usual. The supposed “love of his life” had left him to further his career in Hollywood and now he was most likely (no, actually, she trusted Farbauti’s skills wholeheartedly) pregnant with that love’s child. “Kicking a man while he’s down”, “adding insult to injury” and many other clichés popped into her mind at this turn of events.

“Come and let us see how far along you are, mitt hjärta.”

He got up stiffly to his feet, rinsing his mouth out before following his mother to one of the spare rooms she had transformed into a medicine room.

“I’m sorry, Mother. I’m so, so sorry.” Loki said in their native tongue.

“It is not your fault, my heart.” She responded in kind before she patted the bed. 

Loki lied down, easing his shirt up at her command.

“Everything’s been ruined. He wasn’t the only one that left. Steve, Clint, Natasha, Sif, and some of the others went as well. Our whole circle has been split in half. Everyone is feeling the effects of this.” Loki sniffed. “What of your friendship with Frigga?”

His mother remained silent as she inspected his stomach and hips.

“You haven’t spoken since he left, have you?”

“It is not your fault, Loki.” Farbauti sighed. “How long have you been vomiting, darling?”

“Since Wednesday.”

Farbauti nodded. “You’re about a month long. I will reach through to my contacts and have prenatal vitamins prescribed for you. Have you been eating?”

Loki looked away.

“My heart, you must eat. Not only for yourself, but for the child that you will bear.”

“I miss him so much, Mother.”

Farbauti sighed. “I know, my dear. I hate what he has so selfishly done to you.”

“I don’t believe I will ever love someone as much as I do him, Mother. I don’t think I can.”

“Time heals all wounds, my heart. I believe that there is another out there who will cherish your love more than a spotlight and will embrace you and the child inside you until their very last breath.”

Loki gave her a dubious look. “Do you truly believe that?”

“I am certain of it.” She pulled his shirt down. “Now come, I have a brew that will help with the nausea.”

“How is he?”

They both turned to see Sigyn poking her head in, her curiosity had led her to prodding Loki into helping her learn Swedish along with the Rosetta Stone she’d begged her mother to purchase her for her sixteenth birthday.

“He is indeed pregnant.”

“That son of a bitch.”

“Hm. Indeed.”

“We need to find a way to get ahold of Thor.”

“No!”

Sigyn gave him a stunned look and his mother appraised him carefully.

“To what end?”

“What do you mean ‘to what end?’, Loki? He is the father of your child! He should be here!”

“No.” Loki repeated firmly. “I don’t want his sympathy and I don’t need him back out of pity. Despite what he’s just done, you know what type of person he is. Besides, he probably has some tan blonde on his arm by now.”

“You are correct.” Farbauti worked her jaw. “His only concern is the birth itself. I will have Angie inform Frigga near your due date and she in turn will contact Thor.”

“And have him trying to smooze his way back in?”

“No. It will be an organic birth and he will not be permitted beyond the birthing room door. They won’t even have to see each other.”

Is that what he really wanted? To never see Thor again? Face to face, that is? Because Thor had everything a man needed to make it big in that world – looks, talent, and drive - he would surely be everywhere in a matter of time. The others that tagged along with him weren’t too far behind him – they would find success in what they do as well.

If Thor was so desperate to follow his dream, why couldn’t he? He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He would channel his heartbreak and misery into songwriting and hard work to get closer to achieving his own dreams then. 

“Sigyn?”

“Loki?”

Loki switched back to English. “You mentioned that Marcia was in position to talk to that studio owner about us recording our demos?”

Sigyn pushed up from her slump on the door frame, her eyes alight with excitement. “Yep. Eduardo.”

“Tell her to go for it. Get back to us with the results as soon as possible. I would like to get as much done as we can before I start to show.”

Sigyn rubbed her hands together gleefully and pulled out her cellphone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	5. We've Created Life

_5 years ago..._

 

Loki sighed as he let the double melodies that Darcy and Sigyn created on their guitars wash over him. It had been a challenging road to get where they are now. Although their sound was solid, their image made it hard for them to attract a major deal while staying true to who they were as a collective group and individuals. It wasn’t often that a mixed band of two men and four women caught the eye of major labels. A few of them wanted them to dress more like a modern day pop group and Loki wasn’t having that while others wanted to paint them as some death metal band with their mysterious appearances.

After four months Universal decided to take a chance with them, Loki was determined not to let not only them, but himself down. Now they were approaching their fourth month of recording and Loki had a feeling that their debut album would be out by the end of the season or early the next. He smiled when he felt the shift inside of him, the child did that a lot lately as it was only a week before he was due to give birth to him or her.

It was easy to hide his pregnancy the first two months but as time wore on it became predictably harder and he was relieved when they got the call from Universal before he began to waddle. It wouldn’t have been hard to explain but he would rather keep his anatomy a secret for as long as he could and in a perfect world he wouldn’t have to disclose it at all - but he knew the kind of world he was about to get into so he wasn’t that hopeful. All he did now was go from the studio to the flat the band rented in Lower Manhattan. He kept his shades on at all times when he absolutely had to go out and his androgyny helped him to appear female to passersby.

He grinned and clapped his hands as the notes ebbed off and Darcy and Sigyn pulled their headphones down.

“I take it that you finally approve after two hours?” Sigyn asked, but without much malice, she knew how much of a perfectionist her best friend was and didn’t hold it against him. Most of the time anyway.

“It was sublime.”

Darcy frowned. “Sublime, eh? Does sublime mean we can go home now?”

“Sublime means we can go home.” Loki confirmed, using the sturdy arms of the plush chair he was sitting in to push himself up. He frowned when he felt a sharp twang, but he brushed it off. He’d been getting them a lot recently, but his mor assured him that they were natural and that he shouldn’t be too concerned about them.

The ride to the flat was filled with tired chatter, Svad and Angie helping to pull Loki out of the car when they arrived. His mor had prepared a late dinner for them and Carol warmed everything up while the others went about setting the table, and Loki was sent to one of the chairs as soon as he tried to help. He didn’t argue, it was hard to move around anyway. He winced when he felt another sharp pain - that was odd, he usually didn’t have them that close together. He wondered if he should tell his mor, but the thought of waking her up made him feel like a jerk.

He gasped and cupped his stomach when he felt another one just as the food was being placed on the table.

“Loki?” Sigyn frowned, her eyes widened seconds later and she got up from her seat and darted down the hall.

Loki took a deep, shaky breath when another pain hit him.

Everyone was looking at him in varying stages of panic. “Loki, are you...?”

Loki nodded at Svad. “I think so.”

Farbauti arrived in the kitchen followed quickly by Sigyn. “How far apart are you having your pains?”

“I-I don’t know...maybe every ten minutes or so?”

His mor nodded. “Help me get him to the bathroom.”

Svad and Angie were immediately and were helping to guide him per Farbauti’s request.

“Call Frigga, Maria.”

The manager pulled out her phone. “Yes, ma’am.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The lights of New York City were especially bright tonight and Thor quietly took it all in. Tomorrow he would be doing a long string of interviews starting around lunchtime centering around his character in the viking-themed TV series _To Holmgard and Beyond_. He’d also managed to snag a break from filming the new action movie he would be starring in alongside Steve, his long-time friend made the hectic schedule more bearable and their chemistry on-set made for smoother takes.

“The city is even more beautiful than the last time I was here.”

“It is.” He offered his wife a small smile. He had been introduced to Amora Moran, or Amora Incantare as she was known professionally, late fall of last year at a small party in Santa Monica by his manager’s wife Delly. Her eyes, an enticing green, was the first thing to lure him in, even if her blonde locks threw him off a bit. They’d gone to dinner the next day and after several months of dating he had proposed to her, and they had been married by the middle of the spring in her native country of France.

She had finished filming her own TV series titled _To Die For_ , appearing in a minor role in the small-time drama. She was about to say something else but Thor’s personal phone cut her off, Thor jumping at the sudden sound. He pulled it out and looked at the name on the screen, immediately answering when he saw that it was his mother.

“What’s up, Mum?” He may have been born in the United States but his parents had emigrated here from England. His face became stricken and his mouth dropped open. “Are you serious?”

“What? What is it, chéri?”

Thor was still stunned when he dropped the call.

“Thor?”

“You remember the child I told you about?”

“Yes, what about it?”

“He or she is about to be born. I need to get over there now.”

“I thought the mother was in Boston?”

“Apparently they’re in Downtown Manhattan.” Thor leaned forward and buzzed the front, notifying the driver of the change in course. He collapsed back into the cushioned seat. He was going to be a father tonight.

“Are you nervous?”

“Very.”

“You will be a great father.”

Thor smiled at her. “You think so?”

Amora kissed him on the cheek. “I know so.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Thor had been pacing up and down the hall for hours, cringing every time he heard a sharp cry. He’d been denied access into the bathroom per Farbauti’s demands. His mother come a couple of hours after he’d arrived, sitting across from the bathroom door in one of the dining room chairs she’d snagged along the way; he’d sent Amora on her way to the hotel, something telling him that if his presence was barely tolerable, his wife’s presence would be met with pure hostility. The looks he’d gotten when he was let in let him know that it had been the smart thing to do.

He stood stock still and his heart rate picked up when he heard the tiny wails echo in the bathroom. Frigga gasped and stood up from her seat.

“It sounds like a girl,” she said softly.

After several minutes the bathroom door opened and Farbauti held small bundle in her arms. She handed it to Thor wordlessly.

“A girl?” Thor asked.

“A girl.” Farbauti pursed her lips. “Her name is Hela. Hela Lorelei Laufeyson.”

Thor frowned but said nothing, choosing to get his first look at the adorably scrunched up face. She had just been born but he could already see so much of Loki in her. He was struck with the sudden urge to see the one that birthed his child but again he said nothing, he had no right to ask to see Loki and he knew the request would be met by silence or something nastier.

His mother stood next to him, beaming at the bundle that Thor could easily hold with one hand, but he cradled his daughter in both in his fear of hurting her.

“She’s beautiful.”

Thor couldn’t agree more.

Farbauti straightened from her perch on the doorframe and closed the door, turning back to her sleeping son. She needed to wake him up so he could pass the afterbirth and get him cleaned up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The band is as follows:
> 
> Loki Laufeyson (Singer/Primary songwriter)  
> Sigyn Nal (Rhythm guitarist/violin)  
> Angrboda Njdor (Bassist)  
> Darcy Lewis (Lead guitarist)  
> Svad Svadalfari (Drummer)  
> Carol Danvers (Keyboardist)  
> Marcia Lang (Manager)
> 
>  
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	6. Take a Glimpse into Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The response for this has left me completely floored and I'm thankful to all those who have commented, subscribed, and left kudos for this so far. It makes me even more excited for this fic!

_Present day..._

_San Francisco, California_

 

Loki shifted from foot to foot, the adrenaline coursing through him like an electric shock. He could hear the cheers of the fans just behind the heavy curtain flap.

_Mischief! Mischief! Mischief!_

He would never get used to the euphoria that washed over him at the sound. They’d dreamed of this for so long and had worked so hard, it was so unreal that the fruits of their labor this ripe and fulfilling.

“See you out there, Lokes!” Svad clapped him on the back, and had it been a few years ago, it would have knocked him over, but he’d filled out considerably since Hela’s birth.

Darcy, Sigyn, Carol, and Angie all shot past him and through the flap behind him.

“Last show of the tour, let’s crush this shit!” Angie tossed back at Loki.

This show in San Francisco was the last show on the final leg of the world tour for their sophomore album _Genesis_ \- the numbers had been great before they even started the tour, they were probably more than their successful debut album by now.

Just moments later he heard Svad start off the first song of the night, the combined sound of drums and cymbals echoing out before the others joined immediately after and Loki let the lighthearted melody wash over him.

At his cue he ran out, the cheers of the crowd going a pitch higher before he started to belt out the lyrics.

_Can you imagine someone being true  
Turn `round and put himself in front of you..._

He couldn’t keep the smile off his face as the crowd sang along as he reached the chorus.

_We've got the power, we are divine_  
We have the guts to follow the sign  
Extracting tension from sources unknown  
We are the ones to cover the throne... 

Dressed in black tonight, from his shiny boots to his leather pants to his tight button up shirt with the first three button undone, he knew he held a certain androgyny that attracted both men and scores of women alike, and he wasn’t above putting on a show for the crowd as ripped the stage, shimmying to the sounds of the dual guitar melodies and heavy bass licks and head banging to the beats that Svad hammered out.

By the end of the two and a half hour concert they were all sweaty in the cool, humid air of the Californian summer night but they were all smiles and laughter as they came off stage.

“Whoo!” Darcy handed her guitar to a tech and stretched as she walked. “It’s been fun but I can’t wait to get back home to my bed and my Netflix!”

Loki smiled at the thought of seeing his little angel again. She had turned five earlier this month and though it pained him to miss that, he would more than make up for it when he got her from her father. Their custody of Hela was interchangeable in the month of her birth, each getting her for a year and changing possession of her at the end of each May unless the receiving party had a commitment that would extend that time. 

There hadn’t been many conditions concerning Hela’s custody as far as legality goes, but on a personal level both parties had agreed on two things: Hela was to be exchange between Farbauti and Frigga and should one parent be spotted with her by the paparazzi first, the other parent’s identity was to be kept under wraps. In other words, Loki didn’t want the public to know Thor was his daughter’s father and that he himself had given birth to her. He took the fall on that one and only took her out in certain cities while Thor and Amora took her out where she could be seen as theirs; he wasn’t too big on the media anyway, he preferred to stay in than go out, it was a key part of his personality.

First things first though, he needed one hell of a shower. 

 

\---

 

“Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!”

Loki beamed and opened his arms wide to receive his little miracle.

“I missed you, Mommy!”

Loki chuckled and kissed her forehead. They only spoke Swedish when it was just the two of them or the two of them plus his mother or Sigyn.

“I missed you too, my love.”

He combed his nimble fingers through her long, blonde hair and stared into her excited blue eyes as he hoisted her up and carted her off to the kitchen. Her hair, eyes, and her outgoing nature came from her father but that was where the similarities ended. As per Darcy’s insightful observation, it looked like the heavens “copy and pasted your face to a little girl’s” for she bore an even more feminized and softer version of his angular features.

“Are you hungry? Do you want anything?”

“Cheesecake!”

Loki rolled his eyes but said nothing, the small girl had taken to his love of sweets with a vengeance and her favorite sweet treat in the world was cheesecake and she had a particular weakness for a certain kind.

“Hm, I _may_ have gotten a turtle cheesecake on the way home today...”

He laughed when Hela squealed and wriggled out of his arms, charging full speed ahead towards the refrigerator.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

_Malibu, California_

 

Anthony “Tony” Stark got up from his chair along with the rest of the table’s occupants. “Sup Big Guy! You finally off daddy duty?”

“I’m here, am I not?” Thor grinned and returned the hug the much smaller man gave him, giving one to each of the others before sitting down.

“Well, not too big right now though. You had to drop a few?”

Thor nodded. “It’s been hell, my friend. Less in the way of eating and more in the way of running.”

“I can imagine, you can eat enough for most of us plus more.” Mary Jane quipped, causing the others to laugh. “Are you sure you and Volstagg aren’t related?”

“Hey!”

It was on rare occasion that they were all able to come together like this, given not all of them were in the acting business and even then their schedules were hectic - Thor himself would be filming for most of this year and well into the next two with all the movies he has lined up. He had even had to turn down a few that clashed with his sequels - he wouldn’t complain though, it was great to be in high demand. 

Of course Thor had known Steve, Natasha, Clint, Sif, Fandral, Hogun and Volstagg from childhood, but the blockbuster of a movie that was _Thieves: A Band of Misfits_ had seen the addition of the renowned Tony Stark and his managers Pepper Potts and James “Rhodey” Rhodes, Bruce Banner and his wife Betty Ross, Mary Jane Watson, James “Bucky” Barnes, and Luke cage.

The movie had been about a network of criminals who eventually stumble upon another group while planning to rob a bank that began threatening their way of life and after an accidental death on their side, the team stops at nothing to eradicate those responsible while ducking and dodging the authorities. The idea was rather simple, but it was without a doubt the actors on the bill that had turned a medium budget gamble into a half a billion dollar earning film. The chemistry between everyone had been phenomenal and that carried into many strong friendships off the set. They were set to film the sequel in two years’ time.

“And Amora you look great as always.”

“Thank you.” Amora grinned and kissed Tony’s cheek before sitting down next to her husband.

“This year and the next will fly by just like that.” Luke snapped his fingers. “Then you’ll be back to normal bulking back up for Leo.”

“And then it’s back to 6am gym workouts and lots of chicken.” Steve sighed heavily, already thinking about the weight he himself would have to put back on.

Thor hummed before turning to Sif. “How does it feel to be the new UFC Women's Bantamweight Champion?”

Sif smiled. “You got a chance to watch?”

“Even if Hel hadn’t reminded me all throughout the day I would have tuned in. She’s your number one fan.”

Rhodey winced. “It hurt me to _watch_ you knock that girl out.”

“It felt amazing, all that training, sweat, and blood finally paid off. But enough about me, how was your time with my favorite blonde?”

Fandral frowned. “I thought I was your favorite blonde.”

“Hel beats you by a light-year.” Sif rolled her eyes. “What did you guys do for her birthday?”

Thor beamed and switched into his storytelling mode, he wasn’t as good at it as a certain someone, but he could talk about his daughter all day, every day if you let him and the others listened with rapt attention as he recounted the little adventures he’d had with his little girl over the past year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, the band's name is Mischief. I regret nothing.
> 
> Lyrics from "Power" by Helloween.
> 
>  
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	7. Rumor Has It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your responses fill me with such excitement. I'm gonna start mentioning the month and date because there will be some time skipping before we truly get into the meat of things.

_August, 2015_

_Malibu, California_

“But we’ve been together for years now, Thor!” Amora whined as she paced in her stilettoes. “As much as I adore Hel it would be nice to have a daughter or son that is a part of both of us.”

Thor exhaled deeply and dragged a hand down his face. “I’m quite content with Hel right now, Amy, I’ve told you that before. Besides, now is not a good time.”

“Now is a _great_ time, Thor. I’ll be there. The nanny will be there. And when you can, you’ll be there!”

Thor sat his juice down and shook his head, getting up and leaving Amora in kitchen. “I’ve gotta be on set in fifteen.” he threw behind him.

Amora growled and threw a shoe at his retreating back, the heel bouncing off the door that swished closed behind him.

 

\-----------

 

“I mean, how are we supposed to solidify this thing if we don’t have a child? I would be a great mother!” Amora pursed her lips as she spoke to one of her closest friends.

“Give it time, you said he had a lot of work lined up. He probably doesn’t want it to be like it is with Hela.”

“Don’t give me that! Marriage is all fine and dandy, but a child makes things more real, more permanent.”

“I don’t know what else to tell you, girl, you’ll just have to wait. You had your eyes set on him and see where that ended up? You’ll be fine.”

Amora relented. “Fine. You’re right. I have an interview with _Asgard Weekly_ soon, I’ll talk to you later hun.”

 

\------------------------------------

 

“We know, we know. Please just-” Phil winced as he pulled the phone away from his ear.

Thor paced the floor of the east living room, both hands dragging roughly through his hair. Most of the gang had come when they heard the news and his parents and brother had arrived before them.

Amora had let the cat out of the bag, so to speak, in her interview with _Asgard Weekly_ magazine.

Phil put the phone on speaker since he wanted to avoid having his ear drum shattered. “We’ll find a way to fight-”

“You _can’t_ fight this. Your team’s good but no team can be that good!” Maria shot back.

They jumped when they heard something crash in the background, followed by several voices.

“What’s going on?” Frigga asked worriedly.

_“Loki, please calm down!”_

_“I’m not going to calm the fuck down!”_ His accent was much thicker when he was truly angry. _“I asked them_ one thing _. It wasn’t anything too major, and they couldn’t even do that? ONE THING!”_

“We’ll inform the public that yes, they were in a relationship and had gotten a surrogate to birth her so they could have a child together. It didn’t work out so they split the custody as needed.”

They all heard Maria sigh. “She has blonde hair and blue eyes and she has Loki’s features! She has enough resemblance to look like Thor and she’s Loki through and through, just how many people you think are going to fall for that when they can take a really good look? Do you have any idea how this looks?”

“We don’t owe the public much. We’ll stick with the adoption story.”

“And look like idiots when the truth inevitably comes up? Human interest will drive a lot of people to do anything and that includes getting to the bottom of this. The damage is already done and it can’t be minimized. There’s already old photos of them from old yearbooks and shit circulating as we speak.”

“We’ll think of something.” Phil insisted. “We’ll get back to you when we do.”

Maria snorted and something shattered in the background before the call was cut.

“Is there anything we can do?” Thor sighed.

“The best you can do is try to explain it as best you can.”

“Without compromising Loki.” Frigga added.

Phil frowned, confused as to what the ‘compromising’ part could be. “Yes.”

Tony decided that he couldn’t hold himself back and shot up from his chair. “Why didn’t you tell me you and the lead vocalist of _Mischief_ used to bump uglies?” It was no big secret that Tony was a _huge_ Mischief fan, as were Pepper and Mary Jane.

Everyone else decided to ignore him for now.

Steve spoke up. “Just tell them it didn’t work out between you two and that you have joint custody like Phil said. The average person isn’t _that_ bright enough to get into the specifics. Besides, you two split on good terms, right?”

It wasn’t that Thor had exactly lied to his friends about his departure, he just opted for vague truths and omissions.

Only his mother and possibly his father and brother knew the real truth. He hadn’t stopped crying for days after what he had done and although she was cross with him, his mother had given him a metaphorical shoulder to cry on over the phone though they both knew he didn’t deserve it. Their relationship was as solid as ever, he would always be her little boy as she put it, but there’s been a thin line of tension between them since the end of his and Loki’s engagement.

He made a noncommittal noise.

“What you really should do now is talk to Amora. She should be back soon, yeah?” At Thor’s nod Phil continued on. “Establish what can be talked about to the media and what can’t. You should have done it sooner, I know you love her and that you don’t want to seem controlling, but things as personal as this should have been kept under wraps. This was actually under the terms of your custody agreement, legal action _can_ be taken now that the term has been violated.”

Thor swallowed. “You mean...?”

Steve got up and immediately ushered everyone else out to the west living room, leaving only Phil and the Odinson clan.

“This could lead to another custody bout if Loki so chose and it wouldn’t bode well for you in that case.”

Phil had an extensive legal background before going into managing actors.

“Loki would never do that.” Frigga said firmly. “He allows Thor to have Hela for an entire year even with the broken engagement, he wouldn’t do that.”

“No offense Mrs. Odinson, but people change and it’s been how long since you’ve truly spoke to or had contact with Mr. Laufeyson?”

Frigga swallowed.

“We’ll build on what we want to say and get the suits to prepare for the worst.” Phil began fiddling with his phone and left the family alone.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

_Boston, Massachusetts_

 

Hours after Loki’s outburst he and his mother sat on the steps of the veranda looking up at the stars.

“There is more than one reason as to why this upsets you, my heart.”

Loki traced the bandages covering his hand. “If the public truly find out I’ll be a laughing stock. They’ll call me a freak.”

Farbauti took a firm hold of Loki’s chin and forced him to look at her. “I’ve told you about this. You are _not_ a freak.”

Loki nodded solemnly. “I don’t want to be known as Thor Odinson’s ex either.”

They turned when they heard footsteps, Maria was standing in the threshold of the sliding glass doors. “I don’t know exactly how, but we’ll make this as right as we can, Lokes.”

Switching to English for Maria’s benefit, Loki said “I told my mor that I don’t want to be painted as Thor Odinson’s ex. I’ve worked too damn hard for it to be that way.”

Maria stepped forward. “If anything, he’ll be the ex of Mischief’s Loki Laufeyson. If you’re not on the same level of celebrity then you have a much higher standing in Hollywood than him. One doesn’t have two multi-platinum albums, sold out tours, the Big Four Grammys and other awards and not be a big deal. It’ll be rough going but you and the band will come out of this fine. Just keep your head over the water and focus on Hel for now.”

“She didn’t hear anything, did she?”

“I tended to her while you let it out.” Farbauti assured.

Loki sighed and turned back to his hand. “What have I done to her? I know nothing of her, yet she does this.”

“I’ve done a bit of digging these last two hours.” Sigyn gently pushed past Maria and sat to Loki’s available right.

“Never known you to be the type to look at the gossip sites.”

Sigyn snorted and waved a hand at Maria. “She’s like a ‘classier’ Adrienne Frost from what I’ve read. She dated a few actors back in her home country before crossing over to the States to make a name for herself. When her career didn’t get the jump it needed solo she started dating Thanos Titan, remember the guy that won the Oscar for _Secret Defenders_? When his buzz went down she started dating Hank Pym, classic heartthrob, but that was over pretty soon and when Thor arrived in town she had her eyes set on him and she got him. She’s gotten bit parts and interviews since then but I don’t think it’s going to happen for her to be honest. Heard her acting was shabby at best. Probably should just stick to modeling.”

“You know better than to trust the trash that gets thrown around on those sites. She’s probably harmless. Remember when they thought you and Loki were a thing?”

“Don’t remind me, Ri.” Sigyn and Loki both shuddered dramatically. “But her coming out with this interview is proof enough for me to believe what they’re saying.”

“While you keep believing that, we’ll be watching to see what Thor’s team is cooking up to get us off their asses. Good thing she at least held her tongue until we were off tour, which would have been a nightmare. I heard you are heading back into the studio, get some rest.”

The other three stood and the two musicians saluted her. “Roger that, Captain Hill.” they said in unison.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big four Grammys are Record of the Year, Album of the Year, Song of the Year, and Best New Artist.
> 
>  
> 
> For anyone that cares I'm on [Tumblr](http://mztwilson.tumblr.com/).
> 
>  
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	8. Collision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not in the medical field so I'm not claiming explicit knowledge with all of this. If there's anything amiss please help me help you enjoy this further by correcting me! Again, the response is always amazing!

_Late August, 2015_

 

Frigga had been the first one to catch it on the news.

Thor and co had come running to the living room at the sound of her cry and they froze at what was playing out on the television.

The words ‘severe car accident in Boston, Massachusetts’ trailed along the bottom as the helicopter’s camera took in massive amounts of damage and fire, numerous amounts of cars were in a hideous state and a semi was tipped over in the center of it all.

“Jesus...” Steve whispered.

It was a bad accident without a doubt, but tragic things like this happened almost daily; so what had Frigga on the verge of tears and her hands cup to her mouth?

Odin squeezed passed them and went to his wife, sitting down beside her and wrapping his arms around shaking frame. “What is it?”

She pointed unsteadily to where a news anchor was now speaking.

_“As you can see the damage is unbelievable and already the number of lives lost is breaching thirty. Ambulances and rescue teams are taking patients to the hospitals all over the metropolitan area... And now we have confirmed the breaking news that the SUV carrying the members of the popular rock band Mischief is among the cars in the wreckage...”_

The silence and disbelief were thick in the air.

The screen split in half to show the woman at the news station and a reporter on the scene.

_“Yes, there’s footage from one of the many cameras directed on this highway that shows the semi crashing into the band’s vehicle, starting off a chain of accidents that led to this horrendous build up. We don’t know the status of the band members but it is believe that they are on their way to the Massachusetts General Hospital...”_

Frigga shot up from Odin’s arms. “We need to go. We need to get there now!”

Balder tried to reason with her. “It’s past six here, so it’s at least nine over there, Mum and by the time we get through the airport, if there’s even a flight to Boston right now...”

“I can have you there on the private jet without the customs bullshit.” Tony interrupted and Thor was never happier that he had the owner of Stark Industries as a close friend. “I won’t be able to go but I’ll call ahead so those of you that are able to can go.”

Frigga quickly slipped on her shoes by the door and was on her way to one of the many cars parked in the driveway, the Odinson clan hot on her trail followed by Thor’s childhood friends and Amora.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

_Massachusetts General Hospital, Boston, Massachusetts_

 

Farbauti rocked back and forth gently in the cushioned chair of the hospital waiting room, running her fingers through and occasionally nuzzling the soft blonde hair of her sniffling granddaughter; Maria, who sat beside her, had left the studio separately from the group on a last minute errand, the decision sparing her from the accident. The other members of Mischief, excluding Sigyn and Loki, were settled in the regular hospital rooms in different states of injury but thankfully nothing too major - the worst among them was a broken leg for Carol, a broken arm for Angie, bruised ribs for Darcy, and a mild concussion for Svad.

It was approaching three a.m. and the hospital was slowly winding down from the chaos that it was in hours ago. They had gotten word a while back that Sigyn had been stabilized, but no word on Loki had been brought forth. Farbauti had tried to get Hela to go to sleep but the young girl would have none of it, unable to rest until she heard about her mor.

A minor commotion erupted from one of the side entrances and the battered group turned to see Frigga jogging forward.

Hela pulled her face away from her grandmother’s shoulder. “Daddy?” She gently climbed out of Farbauti’s lap and ran for her father, being swallowed in his arms as he embraced her.

“We came as soon as we heard.” Frigga was on her knees in an instant, throwing her arms around Farbauti, and surprisingly enough the younger mother let her.

A doctor appeared, calling softly for Farbauti who staggered up from her seat to stand in front of him, still wrapped in Frigga’s arms. Amora took Hela to find something to eat despite her protests, earning a grateful look from Thor, and the rest crowded around the doctor.

“I’m big on honesty so I won’t waste time sugarcoating this. It’s bad. Real bad. He was thrown through one of windows out onto the road. He has scrapes from the impact but they’re insignificant in nature as opposed to the rest. He has a concussion and bruised ribs, amongst other things. What’s troublesome is the second and third degree burns that he’s suffered along the length of his arm and his back.”

“Carol told me that some bystanders pulled him out and help to put out the fire.”

The doctor nodded at Maria. “If he had been ablaze any longer it would have been even worse than it is now. We’re also very concerned about the fumes he’s inhaled and we’ll be checking for that as we work to stabilize him.”

“You haven’t yet?” Farbauti gasped.

“At this point it could go either way. He’s a strong one, he’s held on this long and we’re hoping for the best, but it’s my duty to tell you to prepare for the worst just in case. We’re doing all we can and will continue to.”

Farbauti collapsed in Frigga’s arms and sobbed.

 

\--------------------------------------

 

It was mid-morning when an older nurse came out.

“Are you here for Mr. Laufeyson?” Their expressions spoke volumes. “He’s conscious, though barely.”

Though bone tired, everyone sat up swiftly, Thor more carefully as to not jar his daughter.

“He told the other nurse that was checking his ribs ‘ _de är blåslagen naturligtvis de jävla skada dig jävla dåre_ ’.” Her pronunciation was atrocious but Frigga, Farbauti, and Thor broke into peals of laughter, relieved beyond belief. “He also said ‘mor’ and ‘Hela’.”

Hela stirred in Thor’s arms before looking around the waiting room with sleep-fogged eyes. “Mor?”

“Are we able to see him?”

The nurse pursed her lips. “He’s still in the ICU and he may not be awake when you get there but family only and only one at a time.”

Farbauti stepped forward. “I’m his mother. His daughter is aching to see him, may I bring her in there with me?”

“We’ll have to get you into suits and you’ll have to watch her closely but I don’t think it’s too much trouble.”

Farbauti reached out for Hela who scrambled over to her.

 

“He’s a unique one, your son.” The nurse commented as they were led to the back.

Farbauti nodded. “You’re speaking of his condition or anatomy?”

“Both. You don’t have to worry, we have confidentiality with our celebrity patients. And for him to be awake for even a moment after the trauma his body’s gone through is nothing short of an anomaly and a miracle.”

“He’s a very strong young man. I can thank you and the others enough.”

“It’s our job and our passion to help others. It’s what we’re here for.” Then the nurse smiled sheepishly. “Besides, my granddaughter and even her mother is a fan.”

 

They made quick work of dressing in the clothes provided, making sure not a hair was sticking out of their borrowed caps, that they were as disinfected as possible and that their hands and mouths were covered. Loki was barely coherent when they arrived, but he managed a twitch of a smile for them. He looked awful - he was lying on his right side to avoid the burns on his left arm and back, most of his body was either bandaged or bruised and his eyes were heavy with different pain medications.

“Mother. Hela.”

Farbauti just managed to keep the wince out of her expression at the rough and strained sound of his voice.

“We just came to see you before you went under.” Loki looked confused and Farbauti deduced that the concussion was interrupting his ability to process languages outside of their native tongue. She repeated herself in Swedish, earning another quirk of the lips.

Hela followed her grandmother’s lead. “Mommy!” She reached for him but his mother held her back.

“Hi. Beautiful.”

“I’m glad you’re okay, Mommy.” Hela smiled.

“Didn’t. Give. Trouble?”

Hela look affronted. “I never do,” she recovered quickly with another smile. “Daddy and Gran came. And Uncle Steve too!”

Loki frowned, the expression sluggish. He would be out any minute now. He held his non-bandaged hand out, Hela placing her small gloved one inside it. “Love. You. Both.”

“We love you too, Mommy.”

Farbauti nodded. “Sleep now. We’ll be here when you awake once more.”

That was all the instruction he needed, his eyes shutting and a soft snore followed soon after.

Farbauti took a shaky breath and guided her granddaughter out of the room. Her son was alive and would soon be on the road to recovery. She would not lose her baby to a reckless driver like she lost her husband.

He would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _De är blåslagen naturligtvis de jävla ont du fan lura_ roughly translates to "they are bruised of course they fucking hurt you damn lunatic" (Via Google Translate).
> 
>  
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	9. Here It Goes

_September, 2015_

 

Loki growled in frustration as his mother hovered over him while he gingerly slid into bed.

“I know you don’t enjoy this love, but until you’ve been cleared this is just how it has to be.”

“It’s true that the injuries themselves are a pain but needing someone to help me do the simplest of tasks is just...is just...” Loki growled.

“You’re not an animal young man don’t growl at me.” Farbauti smiled. “You have your father’s spirit and ambition. Of course you want this over with but even you can’t deny that it is best to take this one step at a time. It’s safer to follow instructions than upset something and end up right back where you started. I’ll get dinner started, Hel’s beginning to get fussy.”

“I can’t even feed my own daughter.” Loki mumbled to himself before reaching for the pen and pad on the night table.

Farbauti gave him a sad, but fond smile before leaving him to it.

Loki flipped through the pages until he was back where he was the previous night. The large pad held pages upon pages of lyrics, but that wasn’t what he would be working on. He’d had almost the same uncanny talent for drawing that he did for writing music. His current project was designing the tattoos that would help to cover up the disaster that was his left arm and back. His mother, his doctor, and Sigyn insisted that the scarring wasn’t as bad as he made it out to be but Loki did not believe it in the slightest, and as soon as he was cleared in the future he would go to Angie’s tattoo shop and have her work on making his designs a more permanent presence on his skin.

He remembered very little from that night, but one thing that stuck out was the bitterness that had crept up and built higher ever since. It would seem that the fates had a secret desire for seeing Loki get knocked down. First his father, then the startling realization that he would never truly be a normal boy and would subject teasing for most, if not all his life, and then to be promised the heart and life of a love that was seemed too good to be true, only for it to turn out that it was _indeed_ too good to be true, so they had seen his heart shatter as well.

His family (he truly saw his friends and bandmates has siblings now, they certainly stopped by frequently as if they were) and his career have been the only factors that made this life bearable.

He tries not to dwell on what could have been too much because it only led to heartache, but he couldn’t help it, especially when he saw the odd billboard or two when he was in Los Angeles or New York. He was even more beautiful than he was before, he was still a god among men and his loss hit him even harder when he saw him with that “classic” blonde on the red carpets that Carol watched like clockwork.

Every smile, touch, and ‘I love you’ was a complete lie. Had Thor loved him as much as he claimed, and Loki believed, he wouldn’t have left Loki all alone, chiefly when he was pregnant and terrified - though he would give Thor the benefit of the doubt, he had already married the woman (why couldn’t he remember her name of the woman that was living his dream and threatened his career?) well before he was given the news that he would be a father.

Despite all the facts in his head his heart _still_ longed for Thor’s love after all these years, a reality that angered those he confided to (read: Sigyn) and saddened him. It didn’t help that his little angel had her father’s hair, eyes, and endless optimism. Even though he made an appearance at the hospital Loki had been admitted to, Loki himself hadn’t saw him and he begrudgingly gave thanks to the powers that be for that small mercy.

He frowned at the error he made just along the elbow and carefully erased it.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

_March, 2016_

 

“And. We. Are. Done!” Angie beamed as she put the finishing touches onto his back.

 

Loki huffed as he pushed himself up from the bench. It had been a long, grueling two hours but the coloring on his back was finally done. With his tolerance lowered because of his scars, it took a combined session time of what Angie totaled to be sixty-four hours - she refused to go over two hours and she watched him like a hawk whenever she came over. His arm had been almost excruciating, since it had bore the brunt of the fires but he covered his pain well as Angie worked as carefully as she could.

“Ready for another rodeo?”

Loki pursed his lips. “Of course.” He loved to tour - there was just something about performing while people screamed your name, sang along to the lyrics of your songs, and genuinely enjoyed the music you created. It was simply intoxicating, but there was one thing that made him very hesitant this time around. Sigyn had let it slip to Hela that they would be performing in London in May, and in response Hela eagerly let Loki know that “Daddy and Uncle Steve and Uncle Tony and everybody else is here too.” That’s how Loki found out that they were filming a sequel to what he heard was the wildly popular _Thieves_ movie.

She didn’t disguise her wish to be with both Mor and Daddy for her special day and that since she was the birthday girl and that it was all she wanted, Loki wouldn’t - _couldn’t_ \- deny her.

“You know she would understand if you split the day in half.”

With his recovery being as brutal as it was at times - his need for his daughter not seeing him so low nearly crushing him and his later studio work, he’d reluctantly given his daughter to her father early - focusing double time of physical therapy and completing each track. “No, she wouldn’t. All she knows is that we aren’t together anymore. I will be in the city anyway, what kind of parent would I be if I put the past before a simple want?”

Angie sighed. “You know we’re all going to be there, don’t you?”

“It would be extraordinary if you were.”

“You also know that Sigyn is going to be far from pleasant, even with Frigga as a balm?”

“I wouldn’t have her any other way.”

“This is going to be a disaster, y’know.” Angie predicted while she flitted to and fro.

“It’s Hel’s special day. No matter how much she detests Thor she wouldn’t let her personal feelings ruin it for her.”

“And what of you?”

“Did you not already ask that?”

“No, I didn’t.”

Loki brushed it off. “It is not about me.” He hoisted himself up, he could still feel the phantom aches of the injuries he’d sustained in the crash and it was a major pain in the ass, he hoped it wouldn’t follow him all throughout the tour; he would hate to dull the experience of the fans because of stilted mobility.

_And what of you?_ followed him for the rest of the day and the rest of the week. He didn’t know what to make of the confusing concoction of fear, dread, anger, longing, and just a hint of excitement (that he completely pinned on what would be one of the biggest shows they would ever play) that bubbled inside of him at the thought of seeing Thor again in the flesh. He decided to spend whatever time that wasn’t spent in preparation for the start of the tour next Saturday on a spectacular birthday gift for Hela.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	10. See You Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize immensely for the long weight. It's college time again and I've just gotten to where I can take up updating again. My hope is that I'll update on the weekends and one the errant weekday when I don't feel like a walking zombie. Again, all of your responses make me squeal on the inside!

_May, 2016_

_Thor_

London in its entirety was a very popular city, one of the biggest tourist places in the world. But the high influx of people from all over on the west side was a sign that something big was coming.

Tony groaned, his face lying flat on the table. “I can’t believe I missed the date!’

Natasha sipped on her tea. “Better luck next time, mh?”

“What’s he bummed out about this time?” Bucky asked after swallowing a mouthful of eggs.

It was a rare Friday off from the set, the director focusing on the more minor characters and scenes that helped to make the bigger stars and sequences come to life. They were joined by Tony’s faithful managers cum assistants and of course Bruce’s wife and Amora, and Natasha had just joined the cast as extra muscle in the form of a dangerous lolita - Clint of course tagging along since the pair didn’t like being separated for so long. Frigga was present as well, preferring to watch over her granddaughter instead of having a nanny around when Thor was on set and Amora periodically visited her home country for several photo shoots.

Hel giggled, sipping at her orange juice. “He’s sad about missing the chance of seeing Pappa’s show.”

That caught everyone’s attention, especially her father’s. “What?”

“Mischief is going to be performing at Wembley tonight and the tickets sold out ages ago.” Natasha explained.

“He’s coming for my birthday!”

Clint looked confused. “But your birthday is tomorrow, isn’t it?”

“I know, but I don’t think he’ll be here then. That’s why he’s coming today. He promised.”

“And besides, you all are being called in tomorrow, yes? We decided to celebrate it today.” Frigga explained. “Well, we’ll just have to wait and see, hm?”

Thor pursed his lips. “Did he say when he was flying in, darling?”

“Noon. Can we go?”

“I’m not so sure about that.” Frigga bit her lip.

“Trust me,” Tony picked his head up. “If you’ve ever seen what an airport looks like when Mischief arrives then you’d know that it is a complete swamp. People everywhere.” His eyes widened suddenly. “Wait! So if he’s coming to see you, and I will definitely be there, then that means…” Tony shot up, startling everyone around the table and the tables surrounding them. “Noon is in like almost four hours! Pep, Rhodey, let’s go! I gotta get ready!”

“But it’s four hours from now.” Rhodes protested.

“Yes, so little time! Come on, come on.”

Both sighed and got up, following after their boss/friend.

“We should be finishing up as well, I’ll take Hela out for a bit. For some early morning grandmother/granddaughter time.”

“Just say that you want time to set up my birthday party.”

Thor laughed and ruffled her hair, a pout forming on her chubby face as she tried to sort it back out. “Fine then. We want you out of the house while we get your birthday party set up.”

“There. So, where are we going, Gran?”

 

\--------

 

Thor stepped back and admired his handiwork – the piñata seemed to be in great shape and the other games were in order as well. He looked over his shoulder to find the others finishing up on their tasks – the tables were set, the pool was freshly clean, the food was ready in the fridge to be cooked, balloons and streamers littered the place, a bounce house was in the corner of the backyard of their rented home – it looked like a child’s paradise.

Now that he wasn’t in constant motion, his mind was able to wander to the inevitable meeting that was, he looked down at his watch, about fifteen minutes away. He tried to convince himself that the excitement he was feeling was because of what his daughter’s reaction would be when she came back with her grandmother, but he couldn’t lie that the dread he was feeling had everything to do with Loki’s arrival.

Would they get the chance to speak alone? What would he say if they did? He hasn’t seen anything on Loki since the accident, the singer choosing to lay low for the duration of his recovery and the months leading up to his tour.

Amora poked her head out the sliding doors leading to the backyard, waving his phone. “Your mother got word that they touched down. The manager has the address and they should be arriving within an hour or so. Your mother and Hela should be here any minute and her friends will be here soon.”

Thor waved his understanding.

“Omg, omg, omg.”

“Jeez Tony. Calm down. Don’t be _that_ fan.”

“Shut up, Rogers! I’m freaking out here!”

Thor watched Steve out of the corner of his eye. He had to be as much of a wreck as Thor himself was on the inside. He had left his own situation behind; he and Sigyn had the spark of something between them that never came to fruition as far as he knew, though he could tell that Steve had staunchly wished otherwise. He started when he heard the sound of a car door slamming and went to meet his daughter and mother halfway.

 

\----------------

 

Thor’s heart rate spiked when he heard his daughter squeal, the small girl breaking away from the friends she had made around the neighborhood and darting into the house.

“Omg, omg, omg. How do I look?”

“Tony!”

“Shut up, Rogers!”

He tried in vain to focus on the burgers on the grill. Should he go and greet them?

He felt a light hand on his shoulder.

“Stay here. We wouldn’t want the food to burn, mh?” His mother smiled gently before following after Hela.

His eyes flickered over to where Amora was lounging along the poolside with Betty and Mary Jane; he suddenly wished that she wasn’t here, but where else would she go? Especially when she lived here? A few of Amora’s friends were here also, and they all giggled and flipped their carefully maintained hair occasionally.

His attention was grabbed once more when he heard Tony emit a strange noise. He quickly flipped over the burgers that required attention and keyed in on the sliding doors.

Carol, Darcy, and Maria were the first to come out, each holding average-sized presents and chattering amongst themselves. Angrboda and Svad were next, Svad carrying an extra-large gift and Angie toting a long, rectangle in her heavily tattooed arms. Sigyn came out right after them, her gift tucked under one of her arms that also sported active tattooing.

Since when did they get into that? Well, Angie he could see, but what of the others? Thor spotted tattoos of various amounts on each one – one here and there on Darcy and Carol, Svad had quite a few that obviously had some significant value to him, and of course Angie and Sigyn had quite a bit of ink.

Farbauti stepped out with Frigga by her side chatting lazily, their relationship having slowly but steadily repaired itself since the hospital visit last year. Farbauti looked as regal as ever with a present tucked under each arm, her gaze wise yet gentle as she took in the backyard.

His breath caught in his throat as Loki finally came into view, carrying their beaming daughter. He barely resembled the man he had so stupidly left behind years ago and he definitely appeared nothing like the one in the hospital bed. His skin was now fair, bordering on a light tan and his hair rested past his shoulders in great waves; he had filled out considerably, no longer almost fragile in appearance but he still had a very long way to go before he was as built as Thor. He had also grown significantly in height - instead of being shoulder height to Thor the top of his head could probably reach Thor’s nose – and his long legs were encased in black jeans that left little to the imagination. Much like Sigyn, one of Loki’s arms, his left, was covered from the wrist up in various designs that led up to the short sleeve of his thin, plain white T-shirt.

He looked amazing and he was only in the most casual of clothing.

Thor hung back by the grill while the others went to greet the group, the noise spiking significantly. When he dared to look again, it was at the same time those deep, emerald eyes locked on him and it was as if time stood still.

 

\---------------------

 

_Loki_

 

Seeing Hel after the stressful trials of recovery was nothing short of fantastic, his little girl was his world and her bright eyes and smile never ceased to brighten his spirits. He would relish in these two days in her presence.

As soon as he spotted him, Loki knew he was as hopeless as he was back then as far as physical attraction was concerned. Thor was larger and taller than he remembered and just as golden. His blonde hair was up in a messy ponytail that dangled along the nape of his neck; his muscles bulged under the tight gray shirt he wore and his muscled legs went on and on proudly, exposed from the knee down where his navy blue board shorts ended.

When Thor turned from where he was tending to the grill, Loki forgot how to breathe. He was even more appealing that he had ever been and the beard he sported for his role enhanced his rugged beauty. The blue of his eyes rivaled that of the sky he had just been traveling in. Loki swallowed and looked away, his heart thumping wildly in his chest.

Today and tomorrow would prove to wear heavily upon the restraint on his emotions and his sanity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	11. In This City

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I won't pretend to know what press junkets and music tours are like, but hopefully I've captured a bit of the essence here.

_Loki_

 

It was almost comical how fast Hela lost interest in her party after his arrival. She went through the motions for another hour or two, but then she wanted to show her mother around London, which had become a third home of sorts with how often her father filmed there. She would open her presents later.

It was in the middle of the afternoon that the group took to the streets; Thor, Loki, Amora, and Sigyn led the group, little Hela in between the men with a hand clasped firmly in each of her parents’. Loki had been extremely hesitant to roam around as a group, especially with their daughter present - he could already see the tell-tale signs of members of the paparazzi with their cameras ‘stealthily’ snapping photos of the group as they took on London.

They were about to leave one of the numerous clothing shops they had visited - this one was a smaller, family owned establishment - when the owner, a woman who was approaching middle-age, shyly asked if she could get a picture with him and Thor. Loki fought down a cringe, but the woman had been so courteous, even closing the shop as they browsed so they could have a bit of peace (though perusing through London was nowhere near as bad as wandering through Los Angeles or New York City) and he found himself nodding along.

Amora took the picture for them and Loki saw something flicker in her green orbs as she snapped the photo, but if Thor or the woman sandwiched between them didn’t take notice, he would pretend he didn’t as well. In fact, this whole day her presence was constant, but mostly unobtrusive at Thor’s side. The hand that wasn’t clasped around Hel’s overwhelmingly smaller one was determinedly held by Amora. 

Sigyn snorted softly when she glanced over and Loki sent a look in her direction that awarded another snort.

 

\--------------

 

_Thor_

 

Tony surprisingly managed not to make too much of a fool of himself. Once he stopped, or at least pulled back significantly, his looks of hopeless admiration he was able to strike up some good conversations with the Mischief members. And he chattered on as they ate an early dinner - the band had put off their sound check long enough and Loki mentioned that as much as would like to stay, he wouldn’t be able to live with himself of something going amiss with the show because of a lack of a check, this was going to be one of the biggest shows of their career no doubt - and the musicians entertained him.

“I mean, we as actors have to travel quite a bit but how is it in the music world?” Tony asked, looking over at Loki. He had been doing a lot of that over the course of the day and Thor didn’t like it one bit, but he tried to chalk it up as some type of hero worship - he _was_ obsessed with the band.

Some of the others perked up as well, they were just as curious it seemed. He admit that he was too. He looked over Hel at Loki, who swallowed his bite before speaking.

“Well, I imagine that while you’re a bit stationary at the moment that you travel frequently during film promotions?”

“Yeah, they can be a major pain sometimes but the fans are worth it.” Bucky said.

Loki nodded. “We do a bit of that ourselves when a new album is released. It’s rough at times, especially towards the end.” 

Angie snorted. “You’re living out of suitcases for a year, sometimes longer. Back to back days like this are rare unless you’re moving on to the next city and you can’t really enjoy it because you’re still on the move.”

“A lot of the time we’re not in the same time zones for even a whole day and that is _killer_ when you still have a long time before the next day off.” Sigyn added.

“It kinda becomes automatic,” Darcy spoke up. “You go through the motions of sound checks, going through airports, riding on the tour bus, press conferences, interviews, etcetera.”

Svad sipped some of his water. “Let’s not forget dealing with the crowds when you’re half dead on your feet after yet another round of jet lag.”

Carol raised a hand. “And believe it or not, while you’re on the road entertainment can get a bit sparse. You feel like you’ve heard everything everyone has had to say ever and the boredom will kill you.”

Steve looked puzzled. “But it’s definitely worth it, right?”

“Of course it is.” Loki answered easily. “As Bucky mentioned, the fans make it worth all the hassle.” Loki sat forward, in a gesture Thor easily identified as him getting into his storyteller mode. “It’s otherworldly really. Sadly, I can only speak from my point of view. You’re always nervous before a show, I’m an absolute wreck really, but once I run out across that stage and hear that first wave of screams, I slip into another reality altogether.”

Hel was heavily engrossed as her mother spoke, and Thor couldn’t blame her - Loki’s voice had an ethereal quality to it. It wasn’t necessarily deeper than when Thor last heard it, but it was lower and throatier and magical coupled with the accent he has yet to lose. Everyone else was just as entranced.

“I feel such a heavy dose of adrenaline and I can’t stay in one place for very long.”

“I’ve noticed.”

Loki sends Tony a sheepish smile, and Thor feels a spark of something negative in his stomach. 

“Stop that, it’s a bad habit.”

Thor blinked and looked over at Loki, who was looking back at him with a frown. He was grinding his teeth and hadn’t realized it until Loki said something, he never did like when people did that, Thor in particular.

He stopped immediately and reached for his glass.

“As I was saying, I feel the need to keep moving. There’s just something so intoxicating about the fans enjoying themselves. They sing along and mime to songs that you’ve spent anywhere from months to years painstakingly creating. When I motion for them to sing back to me and they do in perfect unison never ceases to bring a smile to my face, it’s something I’ll never get used to. A good crowd instills such a good vibe in me even days or weeks after that show. I get such a warm feeling during meet and greets or just random meetings on the street when a fan says a song or an album helped them get through a hard period of their lives or that it just makes them so happy. It brings me as much pleasure to interact with them as it does to sing to them or write songs in general. It’s such a dream come true.”

Frigga, who sat across from Hela and to the left of Farbauti, had a soft smile on her face. “You’ve come such a long way from carrying around your little notebook and jotting whatever comes to mind.”

Loki smiled back at her abashedly and flushed ever so slightly. “I still do, actually. You never know when inspiration will hit you. I’d rather be able to pen ideas down right then than possibly forget it later.”

“I hate to have to cut this short, but we need to get you guys to Wembley.” Maria announced. “The car will be here anytime now.”

Tony let out a long, suffering sigh, dropping his head on the table similar to the way he did this morning. He whined like Hela does when she doesn’t want to go to bed.

“What’s up with him?” Angie asked, throwing her napkin up on the table.

“He didn’t get tickets to the show in time.” Pepper answered for him. “He’s been like this for days now.”

“You can make it so he can come, can’t you Pappa? I want to come too. I like seeing you sing.”

Loki smiled down at Hela as he stood, bending down to give her a sound kiss on her forehead. “I’m not entirely sure...”

“She’ll be no problem.” Maria was tapping away at her phone. “It’ll be the rest I’ll have to check about but it shouldn’t be too much of a hassle, they’re celebrities and the promoters will eat that up. I have contact with Miss Frigga so I’ll let you know through her what time to arrive. The car’s out front so we have to head out.”

“I will be staying.”

“You know where to go once you’re there, Mor?”

Farbauti nodded.

“You have your pass?”

Another nod.

Loki gave Hela another kiss, moving out of the way so Sigyn could come over and do the same. He gave his mother a quick hug and kiss and offered Frigga - and Thor, to his unending delight - a small smile before waving goodbye to the others and following after the other band members.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next: the concert! I'm so excited! Are you?
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	12. Everybody Scream Your Heart Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What you've all (or most at least) been waiting for: some Thor pining!

_Loki_

 

He looked up from his reflection in the mirror when he heard the door open.

“What was that back there, in the restaurant?”

“Sigyn...”

“What _was_ that?”

He sighed. “It’s not what you think.”

“Smiling like a shy school girl at the guy who ripped out your heart with a knife? Tell me what I think.”

“How about I tell you what I was thinking?”

“Please do.” Sigyn crossed her arms.

“All Hela knows is that Mommy and Daddy aren’t together anymore. She doesn’t know the circumstances in which we split and she doesn’t know the undercurrent of negative vibes from it. The smile for Frigga was real. She had nothing to do with Thor’s decision and I still hold her dear to me even if I don’t see or talk to her. Hel was looking _right at me_ when I look to Thor. It’s her birthday weekend, so instead of showing negativity through impassiveness, I mustered as much of a smile as I could. I didn’t want her to feel as if we absolutely hate each other, even if one of us do. Was that so wrong?”

Sigyn let her arms fall to her sides and sighed. “No. I just...” She shook her head. “Never mind. Show’s in ten minutes. Everyone here?”

“I’m not certain.” Loki went back to making sure his hair and eyeliner was in place.

“I saw the setlist, I heard you let Hel picked the songs?”

“She was so excited and she’s heard a great amount of the work we’ve done so far.” Deciding it was as good as it was going to get, Loki flicked off the lights bordering the large mirror. “I hope you all didn’t mind.”

“Psh. Mind? We’re damn good at what we do, improvisations are nothing.” Sigyn took him in. “You look good enough to eat.”

Loki flushed slightly and Sigyn smiled softly. He was still getting used to this new body; he was still very much the lanky, trips over everything boy that she grew up with.

“Gonna show him what he’s missing?”

The flush got deeper. “Within reason. My daughter is here.”

She grinned devilishly. “You should totally get rid of that shirt then.”

“I said within reason!”

“How many times have you taken her to a beach or pool? Yeah, shirtless isn’t gonna make a scar her. Besides, it looks painted on anyway. You can kind of make out the goods anyway.”

Maria poked her head in. “Start heading out you two.”

“Aye, aye captain.” They both saluted.

“I heard there was a lot of famous faces here tonight. Crews, too.” Sigyn walked out, Loki right on her heels.

“Thank you. I needed another reason to be nervous.”

“You’ll fucking own this stage like you do all the other stages. We’re gonna have a tough time keeping up with you.”

Loki snorted.

“Okay, maybe not but you catch my drift.”

The loud sounds of the crowd wash over them as they get closer to where the others are waiting to the side.

“They’re here?”

“Front, a little to the left from the center.” Maria confirmed. “And as a forewarning, there may be a little drizzle or light rain.”

“What’s the difference?” Darcy asked.

“Whatever, whatever. Bring it in.” Sigyn motioned for them to gather around.

The band formed a circle, bending down into a huddle.

It was Angie that spoke. “This is without a doubt one of the biggest shows of our career right now. No pressure.” They all laughed at that. “Anyway, we’re gonna rock this one just like we rocked the ones before it and will rock the ones after it. You guys and gals are fucking good at what you do and I’ll try my best to keep up. Should anyone catch nerves, just remember that even if there’s tens of thousands of people out there, this night if for Hel and we’re gonna give her the best damn show we can! Can I get a hoorah?!”

They laughed even harder but the others responded with a “Hoorah!” in kind before breaking away. Svad was equipped with his sticks, Darcy, Angie, and Sigyn were brandished with their favorite guitars, Carol strapped on her keytar, and Maria handed Loki his mic.

“Go, go, go!”

They all filed out one by one to the cheers of the crowd elevating.

Loki felt the notes of the first track sweep over him, taking in the thousands of heads, he turned left and saw a tiny hand waving at him. He grinned at his daughter in turn, on her father’s shoulders, and turned back to the crowd before his voice drifted out.

 

_You can’t go home, no I swear you never can_  
You can walk a million miles and get nowhere  
I got nowhere to go and it seems I came back  
Just filling in the lines for the holes, and the cracks 

 

He could already feel the heat of the lights shining down on them, but it did nothing to impede his usual bustle of movements, easily traipsing the stage as he sang.

 

_Hey, no one knows me_  
No one saves me  
No one loves or hates me  
Going straight  
I only ever really wanted a break  
I’ve been away for too long 

 

\-----------------------

 

_Thor_

 

Loki looked nothing short of ethereal up on that stage. Gone is the still-shy man, gone is the brooding and insecure partner he used to have at his side. In their place is every inch the rock star that was hamming it up with the crowd, belting out seemingly impossible notes, and fooling around with his bandmates much to the crowd’s delight.

If the jeans and shirt he had worn earlier today was tight, he wondered just how Loki was able to move in his leather pants and white singlet. As song after song goes by, and they’re damn good songs - though he expected no less from Loki, he can see the light perspiration glistening on his fair skin, the sight forcing him to swallow thickly.

Amora standing next to him did nothing to stop the tendrils of arousal he could feel deep in the pit of his stomach, only the presence of Hel kept it at bay, it was just too weird to be hard with his daughter perched on his shoulders. He took in a sharp breath when Loki plugged his mic into the stand and divested himself of his sweaty singlet, just as a light, warm rain misted down. 

“Jesus,” he heard Tony mumble to his left.

Indeed.

The shrill cry of women all around spiked as he threw the shirt into the crowd, fans in the area swarming to be the one to catch it; Hel giggled at the sight. He nearly groaned as the droplets dampened Loki’s hair and trailed along his newly bared skin.

A soft melody began to play. It was haunting in its beauty and Loki’s voice softened to accompany it.

 

_Waitin’ for a little sign_  
Seems like to no avail  
Strolling down the pavement aimlessly  
Waitin’ for someone  
To snatch her bag of memories  
How come you call it destiny  
When the cross you bear is your only company? 

 

The rain hadn’t let up, nor did it harden, so Thor was relatively aware that he had no real cause to worry if Hel got sick, but he made a mental note to be extra cautious tonight.

Loki crossed his arms, hugging himself as he sang with his eyes closed.

 

_I don't know if I can_  
I don't know if I should  
I don't know what is right and what's to come if you would  
Here I stand in the rain  
Here I stand in the cold  
I'm reluctant to get another shot in my soul... no  
I'm afraid of that harm... 

 

Thor wasn’t entirely sure his heart wouldn’t leap out his chest when those deep emerald eyes opened just a fraction, locking with his for a brief moment before they were fully open and focused on the rest of the crowd. Thor would deny that he swayed on his feet a little at the sight.

 

_Just a little affection on this windy road..._

 

After that they broke for a while, the crowd excited and restless in their wake.

“This has been _so_ awesome!” Tony gushed, the fan girl inside of him had broken free by the second song.

“I don’t know why I haven’t listened to them before. They’re pretty good.” Bucky grinned.

“‘ _Pretty good_ ’?” Tony looked scandalized before tilting his head back to look up at Hela. “You have some amazing taste, kiddo. What’s up for the encore?”

Hela beamed down at him. “You’ll have to wait and see, Uncle Tony.”

The crowd cheered when Darcy and Angie reappeared just before they began to play, Tony grinning at the old western guitar and bass lick. Svad came right behind them with the beat, Sigyn and Carol joining in soon after.

 

_It's all the same, only the names will change_  
Every day it seems we're wasting away  
Another place where the faces are so cold  
I'd drive all night just to get back home 

 

Loki made his way back to where Svad was hammering away, both smiling broadly when they locked eyes. Thor tried not to read too much into it. Loki hopped in front of the kit before hopping off the ledge, slinking his way front and center stage.

 

_Oooooooooh and I walk these streets, a loaded six string on my back  
I play for keeps, 'cause I might not make it back_

Loki crouched low and swiveled his way back up.

_I been everywhere, and I'm standing tall  
I've seen a million faces and I've rocked them all_

 

He gestured to the crowd at large.

 

_I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride  
I'm wanted_

 

He turned his ear to the crowd and held his hand to it, the crowd eagerly singing “Wanted!” back at him, a bright grin lighting Loki’s face as he continued to sing.

 

_I'm a cowboy, I got the night on my side_  
I'm wanted dead or alive  
And I ride, dead or alive  
I still drive, dead or alive 

 

When the last notes ebbed off Loki carefully regarded the crowd.

“This last song we’re leaving you with is a newer one off the latest album. Those of you who’ve heard it can help your neighbors sing along if they’re not familiar. Are you guys ready?”

The crowd roared.

“I can’t hear you! I said: Are. You. Ready?!”

He was rewarded in an even higher pitch.

He nodded to Carol and her fingers danced along her keys, a melody even more haunting than the one from earlier, but it wasn’t as hopeful as the last.

 

_She lost her brother a month ago_  
His picture on the wall  
And it reminds me  
When she brings me coffee... her smile  
I Wish I could be with her until my last day 

 

“Oh. My. Stark Industries. I... Kid, you’re getting so many more presents tomorrow. I just might adopt you.”

Hela looked highly amused and she laughed. “I really like it too, Uncle Tony. It’s my favorite.”

 

_She said she gave all her love to me_  
We dreamt a new life  
Some place to be at peace  
But things changed... Suddenly  
I lost my dreams in this disaster 

_I'm crying_  
Missing my lover  
I don't have the power  
On my side forever 

_Oh, where is my lover_  
And I got no power  
I'm standing alone, No way  
Calling out your name 

 

Loki gripped the mic stand tightly, his knees slightly bent as he sang from the soul.

 

_I said I gave all my love to you_  
We dreamt a new house   
Some place to be at peace  
But things changed... Suddenly  
I lost my dreams in this disaster 

 

He cupped Sigyn’s cheek as he sang, the blonde playing along for all of ten seconds before she nudged him away with her hip, both laughing.

 

_We don't know what is wrong tonight..._

 

He shook his head with a shrug.

 

_Everybody's got no place to hide..._

 

His hand waved out to the crowd.

 

_No one's left and there's no one to go on..._

 

He reached out.

 

_All I know is my life is gone..._

 

He pressed a hand to his heart before running it through his hair, stopping halfway through.

 

_I'm crying_  
Missing my lover  
I don't have the power  
On my side forever 

_Oh, where is my lover_  
And I got no power  
I'm standing alone, No way  
Calling out your name 

 

It had been beautiful and emotional.

The crowd exploded in one big mass of sound as the six lined up to take a final bow.

“Thank you for a wonderful show, London! Playing here was such a dream come true! Bless you and have a great night!”

They were all smiles and waves as they exited stage left.

What a rush that was. He had been to many a show but none had left him feeling as exhilarated as this one. Maybe it was just the new level of energy that swamped the crowd?

Or maybe it was Loki?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics:
> 
> _Been Away For Too Long_ by Soundgarden  
>  _Save Me_ by Edguy  
>  _Wanted Dead or Alive_ by Bon Jovi (Performance inspired by Tom Cruise's version)  
>  _Calling Your Name_ by mpi  & CASG
> 
>  
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	13. Why'd You Have to Go?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We get a bit of Loki & Frigga interaction in this one!

_Loki_

 

Loki smiled softly when Hela let out yet another adorable yawn. The poor thing was tuckered out, but even tucked into bed in her most comfortable jammies, she fought sleep valiantly.

“I told you, my love, Grandma will be here to pick you up tomorrow morning. Then we can spend the day together,” he whispered in his native tongue.

Hela was still somewhat sharp enough to respond in kind. “Promise, Mommy?”

“I promise.” He kissed her on the forehead and caressed her cheek with his thumb, which she sleepily leaned in to before closing her eyes.

He got up silently and dimmed the lights, closing the door until only a sliver of the room was visible.

He quickly made his way through the house, eager to be gone now that his daughter was asleep.

“Loki.”

He stopped, turning around to find Frigga smiling at him. He couldn’t help but return the gesture, though it was a slight one.

“I heard you did a wonderful job tonight.”

Loki blushed. “Thank you?”

Frigga laughed and walked up to him, placing gentle hand on his cheek. “I remember when you used to be shorter than me.”

“Oh, the horror!” Loki gasped.

Frigga slapped his shoulder playfully. “You look radiant, just as, if not more so than before. I see so much confidence in you now - you’ve finally grown into your own.”

Loki flushed even deeper.

“He knows that too, Loki. He always has and always will. He’s been misguided for so long in his intentions, but he couldn’t be a bigger fool for letting you go. He’s truly coming to realize exactly what he’s lost in you.”

Loki swallowed and kissed her hand. He’s been here long enough. “I find myself to be exhausted. I will see you sometime tomorrow?”

Frigga’s expression was bordering on sad. “You better believe it.”

“Godnatt, Mamma.”

Frigga teared up at the old endearment, Loki had told her privately years ago that she was like a second mother to him.

“Godnatt, love,” she mimicked as best she could.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Loki collapsed onto the picnic blanket, panting lightly as he tried to catch his breath. Hela flopped on top of him, beaming, her face slightly flushed from running about with him in the small park.

“You’re wearing me out, little one.”

“I’m six years old now! I’m not little!”

It was rare that they spoke English when they were alone together or like now, with his mother and Sigyn.

“But you also have room to grow. Lots of room.”

Hela pouted. “So do you.”

Loki grinned. “You are right, my love.”

Hela smiled before gasping. “What time is it?”

Loki frowned but looked at his watch. “Almost one. Why?”

“Daddy usually eats now.” She paused, before ducking her head shyly. “I am kinda hungry too. Can we - can we go?”

Loki bit his lip, but hesitantly nodded. He couldn’t deny her something so simple, especially something she was so used to. “Is there something I need to get to be able to go on set or...?”

“Gran just takes me there and they let her in.”

Loki sighed. “Let’s notify your Grandmother and Sigyn where we’ll be and we’ll go. You remember where it is?”

“Mhmm!”

 

\------------------------

 

_Thor_

 

The catering area was rather sparse save for the central cast, heavenly smells wafting around the place from different stations. This was one of the perks to being a part of a movie this big. The options were good, healthy, and always new, unlike what he’s seen on the sets of the earlier films and shows he had been cast in.

He had been the last one to be let go and once he piled his tray high he took his usual place between Steve and Luke and across from Tony. He wondered if Hela would come to day as she usually did. She was with Loki no doubt, so the possibilities were slim, it would be odd not to have her around tod-

“Daddy?” a familiar little blonde head poked its way in, scanning the place. “Daddy!”

Thor grinned over his bite and stood as Hela raced over to him, squealing as his strong arms tossed her in the air. “I didn’t think you’d be here.”

“Mor bought me.” she whispered.

‘Mor’ slipped into the room behind her quietly.

“Thank you for bringing her, my day needed a bit of brightening.” And it had, they were doing a lot of the more physical scenes today and it was already wearing him thin and they were barely halfway through.

Loki gave him a nod, standing almost awkwardly to the side.

“Loki!” Tony called out, though it sounded more like ‘Lokaaaaaay’. Tony’s getting more comfortable around him. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that just yet. “Happy Actual Birthday, kiddo.”

The others returned the sentiment and Hela grinned. “Thank you!”

“You should come sit. I’m sure they’d be more than willing to have you.” Thor jerked his towards the table and Loki followed after him at a slower pace.

By the time they reached the table, Luke had scooted over and there was a chair available to Thor’s right.

The conversation flowed freely, though Loki was quiet for some time, Thor observed. Eventually, Natasha coaxed him into a quiet chat until Tony decided he wanted some of the attention and butted in, and once he did the floodgates opened and the rest refused to allow Loki to sit back meekly while they conversed.

By the end of the hour Loki was laughing along with them, his laugh a much lower registered than he recalled and it sounded just as sweet.

Thor was content hold his daughter in his lap and share his food with her, imagining that this is what it could have been like had things gone differently all those years ago.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

_Loki_

 

“I don’t want you to go, Mommy.”

“I know, sweetheart. You know I have to.”

His eyes closed at the sniffle she tried to hold back.

“You’ll see Mommy again soon, I promise.”

“But I don’t want you to go at all.” Hela whimpered.

“You know I hate leaving you, darling, but it’s just the way it is.”

“Why can’t you be here instead of her?”

“Hel, don’t go there. Your father and I have gone our separate ways.”

“But why?”

Loki didn’t answer, instead he continued to rock her back and forth gently until her soft cries turned into small hiccups. 

Maria poked her head in.

“We have to head to the airport now.”

Loki nodded. He would have loved to have his daughter see him off there, but concert goers were probably still milling about and he didn’t like the idea of her mixed up in that type of crowd when they got overexcited.

“I love you, Mommy.”

“I love you too, Hel.”

They pressed their foreheads together for just a bit longer before they reluctantly let each other go. Loki got up and walked away, stopping just outside the door; he turned, Hela waving sadly at him. He gave her a teary smile and waved back before leaving.

 

\-----------

 

_Thor_

 

Thor entered the room not too long after Loki left and his heart nearly broke.

Hela looked miserable.

“Daddy?”

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“Why can’t Mor stay?”

Thor frowned. “I thought he told you about the tours-”

Hela shook her head. “Not that. Why do I have to stay with you and then stay with him? Why can’t I be with both of you?”

“Hel, Mummy and Daddy-”

“Aren’t together anymore.” Hela finished for him. “You tell me that all the time but you don’t tell me why. I don’t want Amora with us, I want Mor with us. She’s nice but she’s not him.”

Thor took a deep breath and closed the door. He’d rather have his mother here to help him with this, or better yet, not have this conversation at all, but he knew she would ask questions at some point. He just hadn’t expected to be so soon. He made his own bed with this, and would have to explain it (with some details left out of course, there’s just some things he’d rather her not hear) himself.

He sat down on the bed and pulled Hela onto his lap.

Here goes nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	14. Taking on a New Direction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting an even better glimpse into Thor's world here.

_Thor_

 

“Your mum and I met when we were a little older than you. He and his mum moved a few houses down from us one day.”

“Aunt Syn said she met him that day too.”

Thor nodded. “She was the first friend he made in the States. I didn’t really talk to him until one day at school. A couple of the kids were being mean to him, so I invited him and Sigyn to come play with us.” Thor smiled. “We became the best of friends after that. We rode bikes together, after I taught him how, played at the park, had sleepovers, camped out in our backyards, played pranks and everything in between.”

Thor stared off into space for a few moments before continuing. “No matter how many times I look back on it, I still can’t pinpoint exactly when I started to feel differently about him.”

“When you started to like him?”

Thor nodded. “Though we spent a lot of time together I began to want to see even more of him.” Thor could see it clear as day now: how Fandral, Volstagg, and the others started checking out the girls in the neighborhood and at school, how he had eyes only for Loki even at such a tender age. He didn’t dare bring it up with them then - he never saw two boys together anywhere and he was sure he would be the butt end of many jokes and receive odd looks for his observations.

He shook his head. “Anyway, after speaking to your gran about it one night, I gathered enough courage to ask for permission to be with him. She was so hesitant about it, I can see why now. We were together for a long time after that, we lived together when we got older and were going to get married someday.”

“What happened?”

“My stupidity. That’s what happened. Your mum wanted to sing and I wanted to be an actor.”

“That’s what you are now, right?”

Thor smiled faintly and nodded. “Yeah. At the time I was willing to do anything to get a big break and even though he didn’t talk about it much, I knew your mum wanted a big break of his own. I started to make plans then, for us to strike out together and make something of ourselves. Someone came to me one day and said that he saw a few of my performances and that he liked what he saw. He said that he was willing to take a chance on me. There was only one catch though.”

“Mor?”

“He’d seen us together after those shows. He said people might not give me a second look if they knew that I was with him. Being the idiot I was, I let him talk me into leaving him behind.” Thor dragged a hand down his face. “Gods, that day plays in my head almost every day now. Your mum was so crushed, and all I had to say was that it could be a good thing for the both of us.” He could feel his eyes water. Just great. “I wish I could take it back, darling.” His shoulders started to shake. “I wish I could take it back.” 

Hela frowned, her own eyes misting over. She’s never seen her father cry before; she’s seen him comfort other people and herself when she cried, but he was always so strong around others that she didn’t think he could. She cuddled as close to him as she could and reached up to pat his hair like he did when she cried.

“It’ll be okay, Daddy. It’ll be okay,” she whispered. That’s what he always told her. That it’ll all be okay.

He remembered being alone - well, he had Steve there with him when he came out to Hollywood too - and missing Loki so, so _much_. He remembered wishing he had Loki with him, especially when he was turned down frequently in the beginning. Coulson must have picked up on his lonely vibes, and once he did get casted in the TV series that soon gave way to the big screen, he thought it would be great to celebrate by having a night out; that was the night he met Amora. Soon he was being fed ideas that Coulson had been fed by his superiors about marriage: that his appeal as a husband would market him even further.

Loki surely wouldn’t want him back after he left him so harshly - even with the big temptation of trying to appeal to him when he’d eventually heard about the pregnancy - so his desperation to continue on with his dream when he had nothing left to lose led him to wedding Amora after a short period of time and becoming the perfect, positive, charismatic, and _blonde_ Hollywood couple. The arrival of Hela tacked ‘family man’ to his resume and even he couldn’t deny the spike in offers he received after that.

It took some time for him to calm down.

Thor combed his large fingers through his daughter’s hair as he waited for her to collect her thoughts; he’d just unloaded a lot of information on her and his miniature breakdown certainly didn’t help.

“Why did you leave again?”

“At the time I thought it would be the best for both of us. Now, I-I don’t know if it truly was.”

“But you said you loved him. Why did you lie, Daddy?”

“I didn’t, sweetheart. I did love him. I still do. So much.”

“I don’t get it, Daddy.” Hela pulled back in his arms and gave him a confused look. “Do you love Amora?”

Thor’s slight grimace was enough of an answer.

“Why are we here with Amora if you still love Mor and not her?”

“You don’t remember me telling you how I hurt your mum? I deserve this. Her.”

“What you did was silly, but you’re not bad, Daddy. You get to be happy, too.”

Thor brought her little blonde head to his lips and kissed the top of it, taking a deep, shaky breath.

“I’m not so sure about that.”

“Will Mor make you happy?”

Thor held her tight to him.

Hela took it as a yes. “Talk to him, Daddy.”

“Hel, it’s not that easy-”

“It’s not that hard either. You’re just talking. Talking isn’t hard.”

“What if he doesn’t respond to what I say? What if he rejects me?”

“Then at least you tried, right?” Hela twisted her little fists into his shirt. “And what if he doesn’t say no?”

“Hel...”

“Please, Daddy.” Hela sniffled, close to giving in to her own tears now. “Maybe he still loves you. And - and I can help too, but you’ve got to try. Please try, Daddy. Please try.”

He wanted to, gods how he wanted to. But what if he was setting himself up to get his heart broken?

And that’s when it hit him.

Loki had taken even bigger risks than he ever had with their relationship, and was still willing to give more to be together at the time. He had set himself up for heartbreak without even thinking of the consequences and because his own selfishness, Loki did pay the price of heartbreak. He was a lot stronger than Thor himself could ever be, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t try to be strong too, right? And what if they were somehow able to patch this up? The thought of Loki being the first thing he sees in the morning and the last thing he saw before he slept, of them doing so many different things as a family, of expanding that family made him clutch Hela tighter.

His fear gave way to determination just enough for him to nod. “I will.”

“You promise?”

“You have my word.”

Actions spoke louder than words, so he would need to already have a lot of stuff sorted out before he even began to seek Loki out. First things first, he needed to speak with his lawyers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of background for the inspiration for this chapter: I read somewhere that Ne-Yo (a singer/song-writer if you don't know him) was encouraged to date and marry someone in the industry (to create a brand I guess) but he vehemently refused. I'm pretty sure this happens a lot in Hollywood and poor(?) Thor was proposed with it and agreed despite what he truly felt about it. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	15. My Little Secret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll update the tags accordingly a little later as to not give away some things in the chapter. Enjoy.

_Loki_

_June, 2016_

_Naples, Italy_

 

The shoot for the music video was going to take two days. “Call Your Name” had quickly become popular since their performance last month and management wanted to capitalize on it. Music videos were usually very tedious for Loki; he always felt rather stupid miming along with the lyrics and making it look like he was into it all while cameras stared him down.

He quickly discovered that it wasn’t going to be all bad when he met the director for the video. Victor von Doom was an intelligent man in his mid-thirties with sandy brown hair and warm brown eyes. He was well-known here in Europe and over in the States. Two of his films had gotten him an Academy Award each, making him one of the youngest directors to do so, and his other work had earned high critical acclaim. 

Even though he directed primarily movies now, he still revisited his old roots that helped him to get started, and that was his engaging music videos. His vision of the video was almost parallel to Loki’s - they wanted the surrounding area to appear ravaged and desolate, the illusion of night would be upon them to further simulate the darkness and somberness of the song, and a couple, played by a small time actor and a model, would be the center of everything with cuts to the band every other scene.

Loki decided early on that he would rather not be half of any couple in any of the videos that required them, the world still wasn’t all that ready to see a same-sex couple on rotate in a music video on various music programs and Loki would feel all kinds of awkward pretending to like women when he was sure the end result would look as wooden as it truly was.

He often caught Victor’s eyes on him between takes and on the small breaks everyone would have. When he came up beside him to view the footage, the director would touch him lightly or accidentally brush up against him; the feeling he got from it was far from repulsive and Loki would fight a blush and try not to fidget while he watched a clip they’d finished filming. Despite what Sigyn says, he wasn’t completely inept in things of a romantic nature (though he would admit to being almost embarrassingly awkward in such situations when they presented themselves), and it was becoming increasingly obvious that Victor was interested in him.

This posed a problem; was he himself interested? Absolutely. But being in the position he was in, the very male-looking singer of a popular band, he never really put himself out there as far as relationships went because of his genitalia.

That didn’t stop him from saying yes when Victor approached him with an offer to treat him to lunch when they wrapped up on the second day.

 

\---------------

 

“How did it go?” Sigyn plopped back down on the standard queen-sized bed, picking her book back up.

“It went well. Very well. It may be something I explore after the tour when I actually have the time.” Loki responded, falling down next to her.

“It’s great that you’re thinking about it. I’ve always wondered when you were going to take that final step.”

“You know why I have reservations about this.”

“I know you can’t just leave who you’re interested in in the dark about what you got betwixt your legs,” Loki rolled his eyes at that, “but I understand that it’s something you can’t tell just anyone. I get it, I honestly do, but you haven’t been in a relationship since Thor and I know your sex life is very nonexistent.”

Little did she know...

“So, tell me more about it. Where did you go? What else did you do?”

“He just took me out to lunch, Syn. I told you that.”

“And?” She motioned for him to elaborate.

“The food was spectacular; he even ordered in perfect Italian.” Loki smiled wistfully.

“You’re still learning that one, aren’t you?”

Loki had resolved long ago that he would learn the languages of the countries they frequented the most on tour, within reason of course. He wasn’t a walking copy of Rosetta Stone. So far he’d gotten a good grasp of French, German, Spanish, and Portuguese in addition to English and his native Swedish. He’d learned the majority of them in his recovery period once the headaches stopped disabling him and his memory stopped faltering.

“Yes. And he’s a very intelligent man. We got to know each other just a bit more but we spoke of so many different subjects that I wouldn’t have dreamed of being able to talk to someone about. We spoke of the country’s history, some of the more current events here, and even a bit of mythology.”

“Ah, so he appealed to your inner geek.”

Loki slapped her on the hip playfully. “He had a midday flight to catch though. So we exchanged numbers before I left to pick up where we left off. ‘If that’s what you’d like. I certainly would love to see you again, there’s not many who know much more about mythology than what they were forced to endure in their studies.’ he said.”

“I definitely think you should see where it takes you.”

Loki pushed himself up and climbed off of the bed. “Sound advice, m’lady.” He leaned forward to plant a sloppy kiss on Sigyn’s cheek and yelped when she thumped him with her paperback. “Such abuse in the face of my affection! I’ll leave you to your reading.”

He could hear her soft chuckling at his antics as he closed the door behind him. He looked around the desolate hall before heading to the room at the end. After another check to make sure he was alone he gave a solitary knock to the door. He paused for a heartbeat. Two knocks. Pause. A final knock. Pause. The door opened, revealing a toweling off Svad, who ushered him in quickly.

Svad locked the door securely behind him. “I wish you’d come before I hopped in the shower.”

“Sorry about that.” Loki said as he stripped off his light coat and began working on his crisp button-up shirt.

“You’re not, but I’ll forgive you anyway.” Svad stood before him and batted his hands out of the way. “Let me.”

“Is anyone staying next to you?”

“Nope.”

“Excellent.”

What had started as a drunken night on their second tour turned into something that Loki would perceive as invaluable. Svad knew that he was intersexed and Loki trusted him wholeheartedly from their years of being close friends and bandmates. Whenever Loki’s own hands and ‘gifts’ he’s bought himself over the years became insufficient - though it wasn’t too often - he would come to Svad to remedy the need of human contact.

It relieved the stress of touring and satisfied their baser needs while keeping Loki’s secret safe and without some random groupie blabbering off for all the internet to read about their experience with a member of Mischief.

Loki sighed as Svad nipped along his shoulder as it was exposed from the material of his shirt.

“I heard you had a date earlier.”

Loki snorted, kicking off his boots. “Wonderful thing to talk about before we do this.”

Svad laughed, helping him out of his pants. “Why not? I’m curious as to how it went.”

“Then how about we speak of it _after_ you fuck me?”

Svad saluted him. “Aye, captain.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who are interested, I'm a member of the dark, expansive universe known as [tumblr.](http://mztwilson.tumblr.com/)
> 
>  
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	16. Ready or Not

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting closer to the divorce. More self-realization on Thor's part.

_Thor_

_July, 2016_

 

“Are you _sure_ you want to go through with this?” Coulson asked for the fifth time.

“I’m sure.”

“And you’re aware of the damage your image may take?” Jane, his publicist, questioned.

“I’m aware.”

Coulson sighed and whipped out his phone, leaving the room to call whomever.

“We’re gonna be working on possible damage control asap. As a publicist, what you’re about to do may be a bit risky.” Jane pecked away at her tablet; she paused for a brief minute, glancing up at Thor. “But as a friend, I’m glad you’re divorcing her. Good riddance.”

Thor gave her some semblance of a smile, Amora and Jane had butt heads on a few occasions.

“When are you going to tell her?”

“I’ve asked for the possibility of a few days off so I can file in California. I’ve heard bits and pieces over the years from my Dad and I believe it would be over quicker that way. But I can wait until you’re ready and have it changed.”

Jane waved him off. “I’ll be ready, just get it done as soon as possible so the filming won’t get too skewed.” She paused. “Wait-”

“Amora will be in Germany for a photo shoot. I picked that time to go. Hela will stay with Mum.”

“Does your mother know?”

“I will be informing as soon as we’re finished here.”

“Go.” Jane nodded. “And good luck.”

Thor offered her a more honest smile before leaving.

 

\---------------

 

“Mum?” Thor knocked on her door. “Mum?”

The door opened, Frigga smiling up at him. “Come in, come in.”

Thor moved inside, Frigga shutting the door quietly. He took in the room’s decor: simple in taste - very much a reflection of the woman herself. The sliding door leading out to the balcony was open; she must have been knitting again.

“I need to talk to you.” Thor sighed. “Possibly somewhere where we won’t be overheard.”

Frigga pursed her lips and walked over to her simple stereo, the soft, classical music she listened to while knitting or crocheting indoors washing over them. She encouraged him to sit on the bed and pushed the easy chair in the corner over.

“Speak,” she said, sitting down directly in front of him.

It never did him any good to beat around the bush with his mother. “I’m divorcing Amora.”

Frigga frowned. “What brought this on?”

“I came to my senses.”

She froze. “Loki.”

Thor nodded. “I could never picture a forever between Amora and me, especially with the circumstances in which we married.” And it never would have worked, Thor realized. Now that he’d gotten his foot through the door properly, there was no real need to remain in a marriage he never truly wanted to be in. He was fond of Amora at best, neutral to her at the worst. He couldn’t hate her, because she wasn’t the one who pressured him into the marriage, and she wasn’t the idiot that allowed bigwigs to have a stake in his private life.

“What brought this on?” Frigga repeated.

He fixed his gaze on his hands. “I spoke with Hel a while back. She helped me realize where my heart has always been and that I should try to move forward.” He looked up when he heard soft laughter, slowly bordering on hysterical. “Mum?”

Frigga’s eyes misted over and she pressed a hand to her mouth. Thor knelt in front of her, his large hands resting on her knees. “Mum?”

“Six years, Thor. It took you six years.”

“Mum?”

Frigga composed herself as well as she could, dabbing at her eyes with her sleeve. “I tried to understand your decisions since that day. I couldn’t be more proud that you’ve followed your dreams, but do you know how hard it is to watch your child put not only his heart, but the heart of others through suffering?”

His mother had always treated Loki like her third child and she had been the one to vouch on Thor’s behalf when he had finally built up enough courage to approach Farbauti. He had only considered Loki’s feelings about his leaving and he had handled that callously; if his mother had been hiding her feelings since then, how did the others feel about it as well?

Thor groaned, scrubbing his face with his hands. He had made such a royal mess out of all this; his career was sounding less and less worth it by the day, but he couldn’t take any of it back. He could only trudge forward.

He reached out and wrapped his arms around his mother, kissing her temple. “I’m sorry, Mum. I’m so, so sorry.”

“What of Amora?” Frigga asked, her voice muffled. “Six years is more than enough to fall in love, son.”

“To be honest, I don’t think she’s in love with me. We knew enough of each other before the wedding - that fact still stands years later.”

“This isn’t going to be pleasant.”

“I know.” Thor hesitated a moment before speaking. “Are you disappointed in me, Mum?”

“I was sad for you, and I was worried for you. I wasn’t disappointed in you then, and I’m not disappointed in you now, my child.”

“I still love him. I really do, Mum.”

“I know, Thor.”

“Do you think I’ve waited too long?”

Frigga thought of her brief encounter with Loki, she remembered the emotions that were barely held in check. “I can’t say for sure, but there may be hope. If you’re going to do this Thor, you have to put everything that you are into this. If you’re not one-hundred percent sure about this, then don’t go through with it. With Loki, I mean.”

“You know how stubborn I can be, Mum.”

Frigga smiled weakly. “That you are. You’re going to have to build your trust again from the ground up. You’re going to feel as if everything that you try isn’t working; you’re going to feel as if you’re wasting your time. But Thor,” she pulled back to look him in the eye. “I believe there’s still something there. You may have a chance. I know you’re more of a man of action and you’re impulsive, but this will require you to sit back and do a lot of thinking.”

Thinking. That’s all he does now when he isn’t on set or spending time with Hel.

“That is in the future however. How do you plan on doing this? I can’t recall if you had legal protection in case of a divorce.”

“I’ve been in talks with Phil and Jane as far as my career is concerned. I was gonna ask Dad if he knew of anyone I could hire on as a divorce lawyer.”

“He’s very well connected. He still won’t retire.”

“You know how much he likes to argue. Amora’s leaving for a three-day shoot soon. I would like to fly home to file there.”

“It sounds rather underhanded.”

“I’d rather not sit through her trying to convince me otherwise. I want her to know that my mind is made up.”

“I will speak to your father. You have my full support as always.”

Thor stood and after bending down so his mother could plant a kiss on his forehead, he left her to her favorite pastime. He felt the full weight of this decision on his shoulders; should he mess this up, not only would he sever what cordial, threadlike ties were left between Loki and himself. He would also disappoint himself, his mother (no matter what she said, should this go wrong he knew she wouldn’t be able to keep it under tight wraps), and above all, Hela.

This was it. There was no turning back at the end of this week. He couldn’t honestly say he was ready for all the change coming his way, but he was determined and would take his mother’s words to heart. He couldn’t make a half-assed attempt. He _wouldn’t_ make this a half-assed attempt. What he was working towards would be more than worth it in the end.

A future with Loki would always be worth it.

If only he could go back in time and hit his nineteen-year-old self with something heavy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting this earlier than usual (though not by much) because there's an 8/10 chance that I won't have access to the internet until next Sunday.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	17. Bitter Ends, New Beginnings (One)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, as I said I was without internet last week and there was a lot of family stuff going on and it took its toll.

_August, 2016_

 

The silence was deafening, especially considering the news he just dropped.

“Excuse me?” Amora asked, at last.

Thor sighed. “I want a divorce.”

The initial shock was still on her face. “No,” she shook her head. “No.”

“Amora,” Thor sat forward, resting his elbows on the kitchen table. “I’m not debating this with you.”

“Debating?! Don’t you think you owe me an explanation as to what brought this on?!” Amora stood up and began to pace. "I thought that notice in May was just a joke since you never said anything about it! Explain yourself!

“And I’m going to.”

“Well, be my guest then!”

“It was a mistake to get married when I only felt just enough for you to go through with it.”

Amora’s jaw dropped. “Felt _just enough_?! I thought you loved me!”

“I admit to being fond of you, Amora. You’ve been very supportive when I needed and I have love you, I’m just not _in_ love with you.”

“What if I told you I’m in love with you? Would that matter to you at all?! Would-?!”

“Are you?” Thor cut in.

“What kind of question is that?” Amora scowled. “Of course I am!”

Thor pursed his lips in thought. “We’re signed to what used to be sister companies until last year. What did they tell you? Before we got married?”

Amora shook her head. “You can’t possibly expect me to just accept this. Not without a chance to fix whatever I could’ve done wrong.”

“You’ve done nothing wrong-“

“Bullshit!”

Frigga had taken Hela out to the nearby park. He was grateful for it. She wasn’t going to make this easy, and he hadn’t expected her to, but this could quickly get even more out of hand.

“We’ve been married for years and all of a sudden you want a divorce? No! You can’t – I can’t – I’m – I was – no! This has gone on for too long for us to just let this go! You can’t just cut me off!”

Thor frowned. Cut her off? “You were as much in love with the idea as I was,” he realized. “You still are.”

Amora froze. “Thor, no. I-“

Thor gave her a rueful smile. “I was so set in furthering my career and so were you. I really did deserve you.” He shook his head. “You’re not really happy here either, are you?”

Amora sighed. “Honestly, yes I am. Very much so.” She plopped back into her seat. “You’re obviously not.”

“Are you really in love with me?”

Another sigh. “Not at first. “

“But you are now?”

“How could I not?”

Thor sighed and scrubbed his face. “Love is something you can’t force, I’ve learned that now. If it can’t happen in six years, it won’t happen in ten or twenty. We can’t stay married, Amora. I don’t want to grow resentful of you.”

“What about me?” Amora sniffed.

“If you worried financially-“

Amora snorted. _Really?_

“I can’t stay in this marriage. Tell me what I can do to make this easier for you.”

“Thor…”

“I’ll take whatever hit you need me to. This divorce is one hundred percent my fault. Do you want me stop the process and have you file in my stead?”

“It’s probably out there by now.”

She was most likely right. The media was probably processing the story as they spoke.

“Just answer one question.”

“Ask anything.”

“Is it because of him?”

“Amora…”

“Is it?”

“In part, yes. I would have filed either way. I’m not happy and I’d hate to drag you farther down with me.”

Amora ran a hand through her long, blonde hair. “And there’s absolutely nothing I can do to change your mind?”

Thor shook his head. “I’m afraid not.”

Silence permeated the dining room once again, for quite some time.

“Fine.” Amora reached for the papers and began to sign in the appropriate places. When she finished she threw the pen down, standing abruptly. “You really were too good to be true.” He caught sight of the tear that slid down her cheek before she quickly turned and left.

Thor took in a shallow breath and scrubbed at his face again. He felt immense relief that she’d agreed to move forward with the divorce, but he felt equally as guilty and saddened. Amora had been a part of his life for six years, regardless of how either of them felt for the other and suddenly she wouldn’t be (he’d be the idiot a lot of people took him for at face value if he thought they would be anything resembling friends after this). He’d actually expected her to at least deliberate on it for a few days or even a week or two, he didn’t think she’d sign the papers here and now. Whether she was in love with him or not was still in question, but she’d felt something for him or she wouldn’t be off in some other part of the house crying – he’d added another name to the list of people he’s hurt these last few years.

“You can’t change the past; you just have to move forward.” He told himself.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

_Paris, France_

 

He’d been in shock when he saw the cover of _Asgard Weekly_ Sigyn had tossed on his lap.

_THOR ODINSON AND AMORA MORAN DIVORCE! READ ALL THE DETAILS INSIDE!_

Sigyn said nothing; she sat next to him and urged him to read on. He flipped to the indicated pages and a spread was set before him. A more recent picture of the two of them at red carpet event took center stage, with smaller paparazzi pictures of them separate on either side.

_THE FAIRYTALE COUPLE HAS CONFIRMED THROUGH THEIR REPRESENTATIVES THAT THEY ARE HEADED FOR SPLITSVILLE! Revisit their most romantic moments over the years with us._

There was an assortment of photos of the two of them together, from the first time they were on the red carpet together to various pictures out and about or to more recent events. There was the standard article that contained the news they had just announced along with theories as to why they are divorcing.

“He was the one who filed for divorce apparently.”

Loki shook his head. “Why did you give me this?”

Sigyn shrugged. “I just thought you’d like to know.”

Loki didn’t know how to process this or why he was even making a big deal about this internally. That second part was a lie; he did know why he was making a big deal about this, he was curious, just like the rest of the world. He tossed the magazine on the standard coffee table and looked at his watch.

“Maria will kill us if we miss sound check.”

“We should talk about it.”

Loki stood. “To what end?”

“I don’t know. I just think we should at some point. It’s odd that this comes up after we came and left.”

“I ask you again, to what end?”

“You have feelings about this and I just want to help you through them.”

Loki scoffed. “Why would I have feelings about this?”

“We both know the answer to that question.” Sigyn stood too. “Maybe you should get in touch with Victor sooner rather than later.”

“It’s not the right time. I told you I wanted to wait until the leg of this tour is finished.”

“It doesn’t have to be a date, Loki. You could talk on the phone, video chat, even text! It’ll give you a basis to go off of when you are able to meet.”

“You’re right. I should.” Loki nodded. “We really do have to go; I’m sure the others are waiting for us.”

Sigyn pursed her lips as she followed after him. She didn’t trust the coincidence - one day happy marriage and then _bam!_ three months after him seeing Loki in person they’re confirming that they’re divorcing. She didn’t like this one bit.

 

\-------------------

 

_September, 2016_

_Madrid, Spain_

 

“I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

“Of course not! You know I’m always glad to hear from you.”

Loki smiled and relaxed into the luxury bed; it was great but it wasn’t the same as his own at home. He had taken Sigyn’s suggestion a few weeks ago and he’s been chatting with Victor almost nightly ever since.

“You’re still in Europe aren’t you?”

“Mhmm. We just finished a show here in Madrid.”

“It’s got to be almost midnight over there!”

“We’re taking an afternoon flight tomorrow. It’s not the first time we’ve talked this late for me.”

“But still, you could spend the extra time sleeping, not talking to little ol’ me.”

“Victor, you’re fine. Really. It takes quite a while for the post-show adrenaline to settle down; I’m always keyed up.”

“Hmm,” he heard a door closing in the background. “We’ve never done anything to rectify that. We wouldn’t want you up too late again, hm?”

Loki sat up a bit, his breath hitching lightly. “You mean...”

He heard Victor shuffling about as he settled down wherever he was. “If I’m not being too forward-”

“Of course not!” Loki cut in.

“Great.” Victor huffed. “So...what are you wearing?”

Loki burst out laughing. “This is going to be very awkward, isn’t it?”

“I admit I’ve never done this before.”

“Would you like me to lead?”

“You’ve done this before?”

“Only once.” It had been a long time ago...he shut out that train of thought. The last thing he needed to do was taint this experience with thoughts of _him_.

“Then by all means take the lead.”

Loki grinned and settled back again, pushing the sheets down and kicking them off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	18. Home Sweet Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A day late, but I'd thought I'd add something special for Halloween while the story progresses.

_October 31, 2016_

_Boston, Massachusetts_

 

_”Thor!” Loki leaned forward and steadied himself with his hands clutching at his chest. He reverently took in the flushed cheeks on that pale face. He tightened his grip on those slim hips and Loki responded in kind by riding him harder. “Nngh!”_

_“Shit.” He could feel Loki’s movements getting more erratic, his thighs trembling from more than the exertion. He halted his fiancé’s movements, which earned him a whimper of frustration._

_“Thor...”_

_“Shhh... I’m gonna take care of you, I promise.” He shifted Loki off of him and got on his knees, easily maneuvering Loki back over his hard cock. “Fuck you’re so wet,” he groaned as he slid back in._

_“For you älskling, only for you.” Loki whined._

_He groaned, Loki knew exactly what it did to him when he spoke in his native tongue while they made love. He used his considerable strength to pull Loki down to meet his thrusts._

_“Keep talking baby. Gods, keep talking.”_

_Loki had no trouble obliging and he cried out at a particularly deep thrust. "Precis där älskling, precis där!"_

_He buried his face in Loki’s steadily growing hair. “Fuck Loki...”_

_“Så ... nära ...” Loki’s cries were increasing in both volume and pitch and it was music to his ears. Those thin limbs tightened around his shoulders and he felt Loki still with a cry in his arms for mere moments before his body started to shake. Loki clenched around him and after a few more jerks of his hips, he followed him with a harsh gasp._

_Once they came back down they laughed breathlessly as he flopped down on his back, bringing Loki down to him. “It’s so much better now that we don’t have to worry about one of our parents overhearing or barging in on us.”_

_Loki groaned and buried his face in his hands. “I can’t help it.”_

_“You can be as loud as you want to now.” Thor kissed his temple. “I love how loud you can get.”_

_“Of course you do.” Loki snuggled close. “It’s great to have our own space.”_

_“Yeah.”_

_“Daddy.”_

_He frowned and gave Loki an incredulous look. “What?”_

_“Daddy.”_

_“Loki?”_

_“Daddy!”_

Thor’s eyes snapped open and familiar blue became clearer.

“Daddy wake up! Guess what today is?”

Thor groaned and wiped at his eyes while simultaneously moving Hela off to the side - the last thing he needed to do was scar his daughter for life. “What day is it, darling?”

“I told you to guess.” She pouted, but it didn’t last long. “It’s Halloween, Daddy!”

Thor smiled blearily at her enthusiasm. “Is that right?”

She nodded eagerly. “Mhmm. Gran wanted me to come wake you up. Breakfast is almost ready.”

He leaned over and kissed her forehead. “Tell her I’ll be down in a bit.”

“Okay!” And just as quickly as she arrived, she left.

Thor groaned again as he sat up. That was the third morning this week that he dreamed of Loki and woke up harder than he’s ever been. He’d gotten the news from Frigga days prior that Loki and co. would be back in Boston next week, no doubt it was the cause for his recent dreams. He dragged himself out of his childhood bed and gathered some clothes to wear and stumbled his way to the bathroom.

The hot water felt great on his skin and he sighed as the spray ran through his hair. He would be house hunting soon, his home in Malibu was no longer an option and he would be listing it as soon as possible if Amora didn’t want it. He could’ve stayed in the London house but he felt a strong desire to be on home turf. A lot of his work was in Los Angeles and he would deal with finding a home there in time but he desperately wanted a place in his hometown. It would do his heart good to see some familiar faces.

He finished up in the bathroom and made his way to the kitchen, there he found his father, mother, and daughter already seated. Odin was reading the paper and he nodded at him as he sat down to his right and fixed himself a plate. Frigga and Hela were hunched over a workbook to his own right; his mother is a former teacher who taught both kindergarten and first grade children. 

Her profession had given him an early start on education compared to other kids and he would modestly admit that he had been among the brightest until Loki arrived and set a whole new standard. Hela was now at school age and Frigga had taken it upon herself to put her certification to use and homeschool her granddaughter, with the strong approval of Farbauti and Loki. Loki was a genius and he himself was no slouch when it came to learning, coupled with Frigga’s teachings he knew his daughter would be much more intelligent than her future peers.

“I heard you will be looking for a place here, son.”

“Yeah. As much as this place reminds me of so many great times, I moved out in the first place for a reason.”

Odin chuckled and took a sip of his coffee, black with no sugar. Thor grimaced; he still couldn’t see how his father was able to drink that. He settled for a tall glass of orange juice.

“I’m surprised you’re here; your schedule is usually pretty packed.”

“In hindsight it was a good idea to keep it light until January. All this weight shifting and traveling can wear thin and with what’s going on now, I’m thankful for the break.”

“I can’t help but be proud of you and your career so far, son. I had my doubts, as I’ve voiced quite loudly in the past, but you’ve proved me wrong.” He took another sip. “It’s not often that someone does.”

Frigga looked up and smiled. “You’re wrong more times than you think.” She turned her attention back to her granddaughter.

“Bah,” Odin waved a hand at her. “My success rate in court proves otherwise.”

“Thanks Dad, I appreciate it.”

“I’m proud of you too, Daddy.”

Thor leaned over and planted a solid kiss on her forehead. He made the right choice in coming home, he’d felt weighed down by the sudden changes his personal life was taking and no doubt his professional career would be affected by it soon, but this reprieve here with his family has made his heart feel lighter than it has in a while.

He attacked the food on his plate with gusto.

 

\---------------

 

Thor was waiting at the bottom of the stairs, shifting from foot to foot in his faux-ninja costume. He opted out of wearing a mask and gloves, but he did have a fake kodachi sword and plastic ninja stars on him. He beamed when his two companions for the night came down; his mother was dressed as a fairy godmother and Hela was dressed as a Viking, her horned helm drooping down every so often as they made their way down.

When he’d heard of her choice of costume he was equal parts surprised and curious.

“I want to be a Viking just like you, Daddy!” She had told him earlier that month.

Noticing the bewildered look on his face, his mother was quick to explain in a whisper. “She knows very little of the character and knows nothing of the show. All she knows is that you play a Viking. Don’t have a heart attack.”

It had still taken him some time to calm down.

Now, she looked all kinds of adorable in her little costume and it was like looking into a mirror when she beamed up at him.

“Odin, do you have the camera?”

Odin lifted the digital camera and waited for them to pose before snapping photos of all three, Thor and Hela, Frigga and Hela, Thor and Frigga, and finally each of them individually. Thor took out his phone and handed it over to his mother before getting down on one knee and squeezing Hela close, her small arms wrapping around him just as tight.

Frigga’s smile was fond as she snapped the picture and she giggled as they raised their swords with battle cries for the next one. She shook her head and handed the phone back to him. “Are we ready?”

Odin handed Hela her skull bucket because “why would a Viking carry around a pumpkin, Daddy?” and left to retrieve the candy he would be handing out to the neighborhood kids this year.

Hela raised her sword in the air and spoke mightily. “Onward! We must pillage this village for their sugary wares!” She stomped out of the house with a determined look on her face.

“She asked me to help her put together something to say and practiced that the whole week.” Frigga and Thor laughed as they followed the marching little girl out the door. “She has a few more up her sleeve,” Frigga warned.

“I look forward to hearing them.” Thor grinned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like we're lacking some Hela, so if you feel that way as well, rest assured that her presence will be increasing! 
> 
> Feel free to translate what Loki says on your own, because the author is blushing her ass off right now. Courtesy of Google Translate.
> 
> Thor and Loki are gonna have that talk very soon. Like, one or two chapters type of soon.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	19. Been Away Too Long

_November 1, 2016_

_Münster, Germany_

 

Loki yawned and stretched his long limbs before reaching out to silence the alarm on his phone. He sat up and pushed a long, tapered hand through his unruly hair, frowning when they got caught up in various small knots. Curly hair was so overrated. 

Eyes still cloudy with sleep, he thumbed through various messages: one from his cellphone service provider, one from Maria reminding him what flight they would be on in a couple hours’ time, one from Victor wishing him a good morning (wasn’t he just perfect?), and a picture message from a number he wasn’t familiar with. He didn’t see one from Frigga and he didn’t have any email alerts, did she forget to send him pictures of Hela in her Halloween costume? It wasn’t like her at all; though she was hesitant to send him actual text messages, she usually sent him pictures of his daughter on special occasions such as her birthday, Easter, July 4, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas.

Despite his better judgment - it could be some crazy fan that got his number (it wouldn’t be the first time) - he tapped the message.

Ah, so Frigga must have changed her number. He smiled as he took in her costume, it was so like her to go outside of the box and pick a costume that most other girls her age wouldn’t pick or their parents wouldn’t let them wear. He scrolled through various photos her alone and his grin widened when he saw Frigga in the next one in her Fairy Godmother costume.

When he got to the last two though, his face went blank with shock. How could Frigga do this to him? The second to last photo was of Hela... and Thor. Standing wrapped up in his arms, dwarfed almost comically by his bulk, she looked almost like the splitting image of him. Both wore big, dopey grins and looked beyond happy; he wasn’t jealous however, because she looked very much the same when she was with him. He flipped to the last photo and laughed, unbidden. Of course they would do something very Thor-like in nature; both held up their weapons with a battle cry towards the ceiling.

There was a message typed at the end.

_Hiding behind my mum isn’t ideal, I thought I’d man up for once and do this myself like I should have in the first place. Happy Halloween - Thor_

He wasn’t used to being confused (at least anymore) and he was never one for anger, so the combination of both was rather unnerving. Loki wasn’t sure if he wanted to scream and throw the phone or crawl back under the sheets and sleep for a week. He read the message again and again until those feelings stopped clashing, anger seeping out to leave only confusion that was soon joined by curiosity. 

Did Frigga put him up to this? There was no other way he could’ve gotten the number. What was he trying to achieve by this? This correspondence was so out of the blue, even under the guise of Halloween. Was this his attempt at extending the olive branch? He wasn’t sure how he felt about that. 

His second alarm went off. Silencing it, he scrolled back to that second to last photo, taking in Thor’s costume. He smiled ruefully before tossing the phone on the bed and heading towards the bathroom to get ready.

He was _still_ beautiful.

 

And... there's the anger again.

 

\------------------

 

_November 12, 2016_

_Boston, Massachusetts_

 

“Sooooo... How was it?”

Loki flopped down on the bed (his bed!) and smiled at the ceiling.

“It was very nice, Syn. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to being able to speak with someone else who’s so knowledgeable in literature and different cultures.”

Victor had made a special visit to Boston because “I’m sure you’re tired of all that flying!” and they’d had a quiet evening together at one of the local restaurants, Loki proudly showing off his favorite foods from his second hometown.

“That’s all you two talk about? Give me something juicy!”

“We went for a walk afterwards? I’m afraid that there isn’t much to tell. We’re still getting our bearings.” There was no way he was going to tell her about the initial shyness and slightly awkward atmosphere that having phone sex and finally seeing each other for the first time since you started it caused. He didn’t even tell her _about_ the phone sex; she would never let him live it down. 

“You’re already out publicly?”

“No. We stuck to the less populated and dimmer roads.”

“Ah.”

“He held my hand, asked me a lot of questions about myself, and responded eagerly to the questions I had about him. We never ran out of things to say to each other.”

“Mm.”

“If this is a sign of it could be like as a solid couple in the future, it’s already looking good. I haven’t been this excited about dating in years.”

Sigyn laughed. “I can hear your excitement! Your accent thickens a bit.”

His phone buzzed. “Hold on. Text message.”

“Same here actually.”

He held the phone out and tapped on the message. It was from Frigga.

_You wouldn’t believe the trouble I went through to get all of these numbers, but I’m sure you all know how I am when I set my mind to something. I have reason to believe that this is the first time in years that everyone is home at the same time, something I don’t think will happen in yet another few years. (1/2)_

_An occasion such as this deserves a gathering. Thanksgiving? RSVP as early as possible so I know how many people will be in the kitchen with me and how many people will be doing some heavy lifting. This will be Hela’s first big Thanksgiving so I hope you will consider! (2/2)_

“Loki?” He heard Sigyn’s tiny voice breathe.

He put the phone back to his ear. “Sigyn.”

“Are you... are you going?”

“For my daughter, I will. Imagine what it would be like knowing I’m just a mile or so away but I didn’t come see her.” Loki sighed. “What about you?”

“I’m going if you’re going. I’m sure the others will follow suit once they know you’ll be there.”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll give ‘em a call to make sure. Talk later?”

“Of course.”

Sigyn blew an obnoxious kiss into the phone’s speaker and Loki laughed, returning their hang up gesture before ending the call.

His phone buzzed from another text. It was from his mor this time.

_You’re going. Someone has to help me plan and cook my special dishes._

He smiled. His mor would be there, his friends would be there. And what with the others being there he should be able to avoid Thor for the most part. He frowned. Was he resorting to hiding? Would he spend the rest of his life doing so? He snorted. He may be many things, but a coward wasn’t one of them.

If Thor was now insisting that they cut down on correspondence grapevine-style through their mothers, then they would need to talk face to face. There was so many questions he wanted - no needed - no _deserved_ the answers to. They would need to sort through the mess that was the end to their relationship so they could better plan a future for Hela.

His face set into a determined scowl. He sent his mor a message with the obligatory “yes ma’am” and inquired as to a time for them to plan. They had twelve days to come up with something.

He sent the affirmative to Frigga, he could practically feel the excitement rolling off of her response.

_Splendid! Hela will be delighted! And so will I :)_

He had twelve days to prepare what he wanted to say to Thor after all this time.

After six years he would finally put his mind and heart at ease, which would give him unburdened reign to fully explore all of the possibilities he and Victor could have as a couple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is _the_ chapter. Also, I may have the spare time next week or the following week to post two chapters in one week or just combining them in some way (I write as I go with what is an imitation of an outline), we'll see how it plays out. There will be first hand Loki/Victor interactions coming up for those who are wondering about it. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	20. Battlefield (Part One)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a few things before starting:
> 
> \- I'm not from the northeast, so don't take my word for their weather patterns.  
> \- I googled Thanksgiving's date for 2016 so don't give me that look.  
> \- I'm content as I can be with this chapter.

_November 24, 2016_

_Loki_

 

“Mor!”

Loki bent down and caught the small blonde hurdling his way, swinging her around much to her delight. “Hej, min kärlek.”

Hela beamed and kissed his cheek. “Hej! Glad Tacksägelsedag, Mor!”

Her response time to switching languages made him proud. “Och en glad Tacksägelsedag till dig också, älskling.”

He picked up the bag he dropped and carried it and Hela into the open door. He still remembered where the kitchen was and found Frigga already hustling and bustling around.

“Loki, you made it!” She blew an errant lock of hair out of her face.

“I told you I would.” Loki smiled, Frigga returning it easily.

Farbauti slid through the doorway beside him and moved to put her bags on an available counter space. Frigga smiled and hesitantly moved to embrace her, relaxing when Farbauti responding in kind. It was good to see them on their way to patching up the rough spot in their friendship.

“We have a much bigger crowd to feed, my son eats enough for four these days, are you ready?”

Farbauti chuckled. “It looks as if you have a head start.”

Frigga pulled back and winked. “Are there more bags? I can send the boys after them.”

Loki put Hela down. “Plenty. Go relay the message, älskling.”

“Yes, sir.”

Loki went to help his mother empty out the bags.

“You will be joining us this year, Loki?”

“Yes, I’ve picked up a few things here and there.”

“Don’t be so modest.” Farbauti shot him an amused looked. “He makes an amazing Ostkaka. It’s a Swedish cheesecake.”

“I’m looking forward to it.”

“Ugh! Why does it have to be cold already?” Sigyn whined as she trudged in.

“We do live up north, dear.” Frigga smiled.

“You could always move south.” Loki followed up.

Sigyn ignored both of them and went over to the stove to peep what was on it.

“Are you going to be helping as well?”

“Nope. Can’t cook to save my life, but my mom is on her way.” Sigyn backed away. “Who’s all here?”

“My son, of course. Sif got here just before Farbauti and Loki. I saw Fandral, Hogun, Volstagg, Wanda, and Elektra as well. More should be arriving.”

“This really is a once in a lifetime thing, huh?”

“Everyone just happened to be able to visit home this time. It’s not once in a lifetime, but something close to it.”

 

Within the hour Steve arrived with his mother, Darcy with hers, Carol with both her parents, Ororo with her father, Svad with his father, and Angie with both of her parents. Natasha, Clint, Marcia, and Balder arrived to complete the group another hour later - the older Odinson was accompanied by a young woman.

It was a free for all in the kitchen, though everyone worked efficiently with and around each other - Loki couldn’t help but notice that he was the only male there and the only one under forty, but it was something he’d grown used to throughout his childhood during the holidays. Thor and the other men were hauling chairs around and a ridiculously large table through to the parlor addition Frigga and Odin had made a few years ago.

Catching glimpses of Thor here and there made his heart rate spike, he was nervous about the inevitable talk he would have with him tonight.

 

Delicious smells reigned supreme as they cooked diligently, the rising temperature making more than just Loki shed a layer. It was nightfall by the time they finished and the heavy lifters came through to carry the bigger dishes into the parlor while the kitchen was quickly being cleaned.

Loki sighed once he was able to sit down, his feet had begun to hurt an hour ago and it felt good to be off of them; he couldn’t imagine what the older women were feeling right now. Hela sat between Thor and himself, both of their mothers sat across from them, Sigyn sat to his left and Balder sat to Thor’s right. He hadn’t spoken to Balder in a while, the last he heard he was a very successful lawyer, following in his father footsteps. He made a mental note to have a word with him later.

The food was as good as it smelled and looked. Those who cooked brought their own special recipes to the table and it was amazing; Loki flushed at the compliments that he received for his dessert, either through blissful expressions or exclamations. It wasn’t an easy dish to make, the milk curdling and getting it to the table in a lukewarm state being the hardest parts, and it was nice to know his work was appreciated - or in this case devoured.

Once everyone had their fill and any leftovers put aside, different groups congregated in different parts of the house. The older gentlemen headed down to the basement, the younger men herded in the entertainment room, the older women remained in the parlor with some tea, and Loki led the rest into the living room; Hela flitted about the house to the different groups, each one happy to indulge her until it was time for her to wash up and go to bed.

While Thor was upstairs with her, Loki took the opportunity to speak with Balder.

“It’s good to see you again, Loki.”

“Same.” He accepted the hug bestowed upon him before pulling back.

He didn’t take his breath away as his brother was wont to do, but the older Odinson was still very handsome. He was an inch or two taller and nearly twice as broad as Loki, because those Odinson genes apparently birthed giants; he was glad Hela wasn’t all that big, maybe it was a male thing.

They spent the next few minutes catching up; Loki discovered that his suspicion of the woman that came with him being his wife was true and that they put off the ceremony until mid-December. He waved her over and introduced them, and Idunn was a lovely as she looked. Loki had forgotten how easy it had been to talk to Balder; he was like the older brother he never had.

After a brief pause in the conversation, Balder sighed. “He may be a fucking idiot, but he’s still very much in love with you, yeah?”

“I’ll catch you before I leave.” Loki responded, using the sliding doors in the kitchen to get to the back patio, stopping to fix himself a cup of tea before braving the cold. He was alone for quite some time before his body instantly became attuned to _his_ presence. He looked up to see Thor sliding the door close before slowly approaching, sitting down on the cushioned deck chair next to the one Loki was on.

Silence permeated the space between them before Thor spoke up.

“Loki-”

“Why?” Loki snapped his eyes over to him. He was just as frustratingly beautiful as usual. The hair he usually kept up in a bun or a tail fell just past his shoulders now, he donned a black thermal sweater that clung to each individual muscle in his torso, and his white jeans were reminiscent of the snow that had been falling earlier.

Thor sighed and played with the label on the beer bottle in his hands. “I-I don’t know.”

Loki snorted. “You better find out soon or leave me in peace.”

Thor swallowed. “Loki, I’m sorry. I’m so, so, _so_ sorry.”

“Sorry doesn’t tell me why you did what you did or make up for it.”

“It was for desperate and admittedly selfish reasons.”

“Obviously.”

“It’s just - I was _so close_ to achieving the dream I had since I first saw Erik Selvig in _Posts_. I was naive enough to be talked into what I did, and I was stupid enough to follow through with it.”

“So I was left alone for a career?”

Thor slumped. “Yes. And I regret it Loki, I’ve regretted it ever since.”

Loki let out a cold laugh. “You married within the fucking year! Some regret, huh?”

“It was all just a part of it.”

“I remember when I first heard the news I was in my last trimester. I cried myself to sleep that night.” He was choking up just thinking about it; he stood and went over to the circular beam that supported the slated roof. The tears he was fighting hard against won, and they leaked down his cheeks. “I knew that something had to have been wrong with me, that even Hela wasn’t enough to get you to come back.”

“Loki, no.” He felt Thor wrap those massive arms around him and he struggled against them for only a moment before slumping in his grip, a loose sob escaping his throat. This wasn’t what he had in mind when he wanted to confront Thor.

“I knew, just _knew_ that you hadn’t wanted me anymore. That you didn’t love me anymore, _if_ you ever did.”

“Gods, no.” Thor rocked him gently. “It wasn’t you Loki. _It wasn’t you_.”

“Then why did you marry her?” Loki ripped himself away from Thor’s grip. “Why did you marry her!?”

“I told you it was a part of it. At that point in time I had been alone getting more and more dejected and no matter how strong my desire was to go back to you, I felt that you wouldn’t want me after I’d left so suddenly.”

“Don’t make this about me! _You_ were the one that abandoned me!”

Thor held up his hands in a placating manner. “I was just letting you know what was going through my mind. Of course you’re not to blame for any of this. I -” He dragged a large hand through his hair. “This isn’t how I planned for this to go.”

“And how did you plan it?” The tears had dried on his cheeks, his bout of sorrow giving way to anger. “Did you plan on waxing poetic, hm? Did you plan on me falling at your feet?”

“I was hoping for a chance to start over.”

“If you think- “

“I would be lying if I said it wasn’t for myself as well, but Hela is getting older. It will no longer suffice to have us at odd ends and barely speaking.”

“And what of you?”

Loki had his answer when Thor turned and gripped the wooden railing, his eyes locked on some point in the distance.

Loki barked out a laugh. “Of course. You would like another chance to have me under your spell again?” Loki turned to face him. “I would be happy to inform you that no such thing will happen again. In fact, I’ve moved on.”

Thor didn’t look at him, but his jaw clenched. He wasn’t a subtle man when he wasn’t playing a role.

“And you know what? I can’t wait to see where it takes me, where _he_ takes me.”

Thor exhaled harshly through his nose. Good, let him be jealous.

“It burns you, doesn’t it? Someone touching me that isn’t you. Someone kissing me that isn’t you. Someone _inside_ me that isn’t you.”

Thick fingers squeezed the railing, the wood groaning at the force.

Loki stepped back, mentally patting himself on the back, though he hadn’t planned for these turns of events. “If we are to ‘start over’ as you said, then it is a thought you will have to get used to because Victor and I are determined to see what we can make of this.”

 

\---

 

_Thor_

 

He set himself up for this. To hear the taunts spilling from those perfect lips. He now knows how Loki must of felt with the knowledge of what he and Amora did behind closed doors because, to be honest, he was a man with needs and he had succumb to them many times. How had it slipped his mind that Loki would have those urges as well and do the same? And better yet, how will he deal with the spike of anger and constricting feeling in his chest at the mere thought of it?

He had said that he and this _Victor_ would see where their relationship would go, that meant that it just started, so it has time to fall through. It was very selfish of him to think that way, but it was the only way to prevent the hope in his heart from fading. He would bide his time.

“Okay,” he said, finally.

Loki looked surprised before quickly masking it and standing straighter. “Very well then. As of now, we are acquaintances that just happen to share a child. We’ll see how you work your way up from that. We just may be able to be friends when all is said and done.” Loki moved past him to the sliding doors.

Something clicked in Thor’s mind. “Victor?”

Loki paused. “Yes.”

“Is he well-known?”

Loki frowned at him and shrugged. “Yes. Are we beginning a game of twenty questions?”

“Loki -”

“Goodnight, Thor.” Loki slid open the door and the sounds of merry-making amplified as he went inside.

He picked up the empty mug and his lukewarm beer, his mother would have a fit if they were left out here. There was a handful of famous Victors out there. Thor hoped, no prayed that it wasn’t the same Victor he knew of. He _had_ to know who this man was.

In the meantime though, he had to plan something for him, Loki, and most likely Hela to do soon. He has to work his way up from acquaintance if he’s ever going to make any progress towards them being together again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations (courtesy of Google Translate):
> 
>  _“Hej, min kärlek.”_ = "Hello, my love."  
>  _“Hej! Glad Tacksägelsedag, Mor!”_ = "Hello! Happy Thanksgiving, Mother! "  
>  _“Och en glad Tacksägelsedag till dig också, älskling.”_ = "And a happy Thanksgiving to you too, sweetheart."
> 
>  
> 
> \- This is only the first confrontation they have, there will be more before this is said and done.  
> \- I hope this met a few of your expectations though it did meet mine to an extent so it stays this way.  
> \- More jealous!Thor to follow because there's more Victor/Loki and we haven't even breached the subject of Loki/Svad.  
> \- For more on Ostkaka just click [here](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ostkaka) and/or [here](http://www.totallyswedish.com/en/recepies/swedish-cheesecake-ostkaka).
> 
>  
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	21. BFF Support

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some more Loki/Victor and we tap into Sigyn a bit. There will be more of her as well.

_Loki_

 

“You look lovely as usual.” Victor complimented as Loki slid into the passenger’s seat.

Loki smiled, leaning in to accept his customary kiss.

“Where to tonight?”

Loki smiled again, it felt good to be given the choice of where to eat on these dates. “One of my favorites tonight. L’Espalier.”

Victor carefully backed out. “Oooh, sounds French.”

“That’s because it is.”

Victor grinned. “Cheeky.”

 

When they pulled into the parking lot they could easily spot a photographer or two milling about. It was a surprise they hadn’t seen any on their three other dates, but it looked like that was about to change.

“You sure you want to be seen with this old man?”

Loki rolled his eyes. “Let’s go.”

They climb out, and Victor places his hand on the small of Loki’s back just as the first flash goes off. One thing Loki truly loved about Boston was that the paparazzi here understood that they were all in this thing together - though they asked questions and took photos, they didn’t hound them or pester them for some type of response like they did in paparazzi flooded places and they made it inside quickly.

“That was rather refreshing.”

“Not as big of a pain as it is in Los Angeles, mh?” The place was moderately full, the dinner rush crowd was not there quite yet. “It’s one of the reasons I decided to stay.”

They were guided to a table near the back to give them privacy.

“They’ve seen enough of you over the years.”

“Exactly. Unless it’s tourists or visiting relatives I’m left alone for the most part.” Loki already knew what he wanted so he didn’t bother to pick up the menu. “It’s such a great respite after being in places like Tokyo, London, and of course Los Angeles.”

Victor was quick with his decision and they sent the waiter on his way. “I admit to wanting to _be_ somebody when I first began. My work getting more recognition due to that fame it just a bonus, but it doesn’t feel that way with you.”

“You’re correct. For me it was the complete opposite. I didn’t actively seek fame out and could do without it, but I know I wouldn’t be where I am if that was the case. I’m not one to knock a blessing.”

Victor sipped at his wine. “You have a good head on your shoulders for someone so young.”

“Being a parent tends to speed the wisdom up a bit. Make you take a step back and look at what’s around you.”

“Ah, your child.”

They paused when their meal came, taking it all in before they began to eat.

“Hela, yes.” Loki confirmed when he finished his first bite. He pulled out his phone and showed him a recent picture of her.

“I’ll admit to having seen her before.” Victor frowned a little. “I believe it was with Odinson.”

Loki raised his brows, he’s worked with Thor? “He’s her other father. You didn’t know?”

“I didn’t. I’m surprised though, you two are polar opposites. Did you adopt or -?”

“Surrogate.”

“She’s getting quite big. I’m curious as to why you agreed to become parents so young. It doesn’t sound like you.”

This wasn’t what Loki really wanted to talk about and informed him of such. “I think this is a conversation best left behind closed doors. And at a later time.”

Victor raised his hands. “I completely understand. I’m sorry if I overstepped my boundaries.”

Loki waved him off. “It’s fine. It’s just something I’m not comfortable with discussing quite yet, but with the way things are progressing between us, it could be soon.”

Victor smiled. “I’m glad. I’ve never gotten on with someone quite this quick before.”

Loki had. Once.

 

\---------------

 

Loki sighed into Victor’s kiss as he felt his thumb rub at the muscles of his lower back. What had started out as an innocent invitation for tea ended up with the two of them going at it on the couch like a couple of teenagers.

He pulled back once the need for air became too great, Victor planting kisses on his neck instead. His mind was getting increasingly hazy as the lust continued to slowly build in the pit of his stomach. However, the sharp notes of his ringtone was enough to cut through it; he reached back to fetch his phone from his rear pocket.

“Ignore it.” Victor insisted, nuzzling the juncture between his neck and shoulder.

It ranged out and was followed up by a text message swiftly after.

It was from Sigyn.

_support. asap please?_

“I’m sorry.” Loki pulled away completely. “It’s an emergency.”

Victor sighed, but composed himself quickly enough. “Fine,” he stood. “I’ll see you soon?”

Loki mustered up a smile for him, feeling increasingly guilty. “Definitely.”

He snatched up his keys and shrugged on his coat before seeing Victor out, heading to Sigyn’s after Victor’s tail lights disappeared in the distance.

On his way there he mentally chided himself. He shouldn’t have let things get that far, especially since he still needed to inform Victor of what was between his legs. It was a very tough subject to bring up and it was something that only the friends and family he’s grown up with knows, for very good reason. While he was beginning to trust Victor more and more, there was always a chance once he disclosed that part of his anatomy that he would be disgusted and things would end right then and there - or worse, Victor could tell anyone willing to listen.

On the other hand, Victor felt like an understanding guy to him and he seemed like the type who would accept him the way he was just off the strength that he liked him. It was inevitable if they were ever going to be intimate. There was only one way to find out, but Loki was far from ready to bring it up.

Sigyn looked worse for wear when she opened the door and pulled him inside. She led him into the kitchen where there was a saucer with two slices of cheesecake and a pint of ice cream sitting on the island counter. Loki sat on the bar stool next to her and though he was still a bit full from dinner, he immediately picked up the fork next to the plate and dived in. He could never turn down a good slice of the heavenly dessert.

“What’s wrong, Syn?”

“I talked to Steve about an hour ago.”

Loki sat up straight. “An hour ago? Why didn’t you call me?”

“I thought I could deal with it on my own.” Sigyn shoved a generous spoonful of cookies n’ cream ice cream into her mouth. “That didn’t turn out so well. Plus I didn’t know if you were busy and since you didn’t answer the call, I was right.”

“Doesn’t matter, I’m here now. What did he do? What did he say? How did he get into contact with you?”

“We talked on the phone. He got my number from Frigga.”

She had obtained the others’ numbers in case Loki or Farbauti wasn’t available, which was rare in occurrence but did indeed happen. It seemed that Frigga was in the business of handing out numbers, but the woman never did things for malicious intent, so they couldn’t really find it in themselves to hold a grudge against her for it. 

“What did he say?”

“He said he and Thor had a recent heart to heart. He didn’t go into detail about it, but he said it gave him the courage to tackle this head on. The ‘this’ being how abruptly things broke down between us.”

Oh. Loki does recall something steadily building up between the two of them before Steve’s departure just a couple of weeks or so after Thor’s.

“It - it was completely my fault, Loki. He didn’t say that himself, you know how he is, but deep down I know it was.”

“You two seemed so in tune with the other. I’ve always wonder what happened between you two.” Sigyn never really talked about it and because of that, Loki always hesitated to bring it up.

“It wasn’t your fault, but after seeing you so wrecked when Thor left, it gave me cold feet and misdirected anger. I was angry because he was friends with Thor, yet did nothing to stop him from leaving you behind for his career. I got cold feet because acting was what he wanted to do too, and just look at him, he’s the complete package so of course he was going to make it. I knew he was going out there eventually so I weaned myself off of him before I was abruptly left behind, too.”

“Steve would never have left you like that.” Loki said softly.

Sigyn looked over at him with reddened eyes and stained cheeks. “We thought the same thing about Thor.”

Loki sighed and finished up the remaining slice. “I can’t fault your logic, however misconstrued it was.” He put his fork down. “Now what can we do to make you feel better?”

“Some more ice cream, bad movies, and you telling me when you got that hickey.”

Loki gasped and his hand immediately flew to his neck.

“It’s good to see at least one of us is moving on all right.”

He didn’t have the heart to tell her about the sort of agreement that was made after what had transpired between him and Thor Thanksgiving night.

He dropped from the bar stool and opened the top of the fridge where Sigyn had her ice cream stash. “Mint chocolate and Evil Dead or butter pecan and Zombieland?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I hinted at two chapters but guess who got hit with a surprise presentation and essay? College professors love to throw in curve balls. I'm so sorry about it guys and gals, but that has priority right now.
> 
> Thor and Steve's heart to heart is coming up in the next chapter.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	22. BFF Support: Thor Odinson and Steve Rogers Edition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the delay. I went to spend time with my family for the holidays and I didn't have access to the internet and then I came back sick as a dog. My head is still cold clogged so I probably won't be as content with this chapter as I could've been and if there's any glaring errors please let me know.

_Thor_

 

It had taken him about a month to the day he came back from England to finally find a home here in Boston. It was a two-storey that was larger than average but nothing that was too mountainous or flashy; it was tucked away with a longer driveway and a gate for the obvious reasons. It took another week or so to have it fully furnished so his mother wouldn’t be ashamed to visit.

Hela had slept in bed with him the first few nights, once in his room and the rest in hers so she could slowly get used to living in the new place. Frigga was currently with her in one of the guestrooms that was converted into a study room for which she could continue her learning more seriously. They would be another hour or more, so Thor decided to invite Steve over for a workout in the basement turned home gym.

Steve popped his head in where the ladies were and said a quick hello before following Thor down. He whistled once he took everything in. “Not bad.” 

They eased into their warm up, talking animatedly as they went along. They moved on to a short cardio stint, they would save most of it for when they went for a jog. The snowfall hasn’t been too bad recently and if they donned the right shoes they could make a go of it. They slowly worked their way around until they got to the punching bag.

“You got anything lined up?” Steve holding it steady.

Thor shook his head, throwing two quick jabs to its center. “Not for the near future. I want to sort some things out before I’m ready again.”

“Amora?”

Thor nodded.

“You never did tell me what happened.”

Thor paused and looked at him.

“I know you’re not obligated to tell me anything and everything, but I’m your best bud, yeah?” Steve shrugged. “I feel that there’s some things that you should just get off your chest, especially with everything that’s going on.”

“How long have you felt that way?”

“Years, actually. I’ve kept quiet about it because hey, you’re an adult and it’s your life y’know? But I’ve known you since we were kids and you’ve always been an emotional guy and it’s been tough seeing you close yourself up.”

Close himself up? Thor straightened from his stance.

“I wasn’t aware I was doing such a thing.”

“I mean I get it, we’re supposedly famous now. Big shots. But when the cameras aren’t pointed on us, you don’t have to be that way.”

Thor nodded before peeling off his gloves. He walked over to the weight bench, snagging his water along the way.

Steve took that as a sign to follow and he did, sitting down next to the other blonde. “You don’t have to let everything out right now, just little bits if that makes you comfortable. I’ll try to help you any way I can.”

Thor chuckled. “I wonder how this has gone from a workout session to a therapy session.”

“Like I said, you don’t have to -”

Thor waved him off. “I just need a moment to collect my thoughts.”

Steve sat patiently.

“What I’m attempting now is to repair at least some of the damage I’ve done these last few years.”

“Damage?”

“Do you recall the day I first left?”

“Out to L.A.?”

“Yes.”

“Yeah. If you hadn’t been the first to take that risk I don’t think I’d have ever had to courage to do the same.”

“I wish I hadn’t done it.”

Steve frowned. “You’re kidding right? You certainly had the motivation. I know it must have killed you to stay as long as you did with you and Loki broken up. There was no reason for you to stay at the time.”

Thor sighed and scrubbed his face heavily. “We didn’t break up.”

“I’m not sure I follow.”

“Loki and I were still together.”

The frown was back full force. “And he didn’t go with you?”

“He didn’t know I was leaving until that day. Even then I just left him.”

Steve fought to form words for a while, but eventually he did respond. “How could you man?”

“I was an idiot, that’s how.”

“You left him high and dry and then _lied_ about it to us. And before you say something, lying by omission is still lying.”

“I didn’t want you to think the worst of me.”

“That’s a selfish thought, Thor. And you know better. Of course we would have something to say to you, Loki was our friend too. Did you know he was pregnant when you left?”

“No! I didn’t know until after I was engaged to Amora.”

“Why the divorce now?”

“I’m unhappy. I was going to drag her down with me sooner rather than later.”

“Things happened so quick between you two, I thought she was the end all be all for you. You were in love with her, right? Couldn’t you have worked that out?”

“I loved her but I wasn’t _in_ love with her and that’s the problem. She deserves to not be tied down to a man who’s still stuck on someone else. She should find someone who really _in_ love with her.”

Steve scratched his head. “If you weren’t in love with her, why did you marry her?”

Thor thought for a moment. “I could easily blame our agencies for pushing it so hard, but in the end I could’ve said no. I don’t have an excuse for that.”

“That someone else... it’s Loki, isn’t it?”

Thor nodded. “How’d you know?”

“The way you looked at him at the Thanksgiving get together. And he’s the only one you’ve had a serious enough relationship with to be hung up on. I pieced it together from that.”

“What am I gonna do?”

“Depends on what you hope to accomplish.”

“I - I would like another chance to do this over. To do it right this time.”

“It’s been years, there’s a strong possibility that he’s moved on by now.”

“I’m not entirely sure I believe that. I know there’s still something there.”

“Have you noticed anything that tells you that?”

Thor touched briefly on part of their encounter Thanksgiving night, leaving out the last portion about Victor. He was still trying to figure that part out.

“He’s still carrying a lot of old feelings of abandonment. He’s getting some semblance of closure. I wouldn’t read too much into it if I were you.”

“It’s a gut feeling, Steve.”

“I think it’s your heart that’s trying to convince your gut. It’s been, what, six years now? You probably should have stuck it out with Amora or at least direct your attentions elsewhere.”

“You’re pushing that rather hard.”

“You’re one of my closest friends, but this isn’t something I can fully back you on. You know why.”

Thor bit his lip. He did. Steve’s father was a bit of a rolling stone. Coming and going, entertaining himself with various women until Steve’s mother had had enough heartbreak and divorced him. He honestly got why Steve wouldn’t have his back on this; Steve’s father had been entirely in the wrong and so is he.

The frustration and helplessness of the situation was going to drown him.

“Hela’s getting so big and we need to be amicable enough to sort out her future without our mothers acting as go-betweens. We agreed during our talk to try to rebuild the bridge the best we can. If I can’t have him back, I would at least like to be friends and I mean that.”

The fact that that was how they ended up together in the first place hung in the air between them.

Steve sighed. “I would start by broadening your point of view on this. No one has been more affected by this than Hela, and no one has been more hurt by all of this than Loki. Don’t think ‘how can I win him back’, think ‘how can I make things better for them’.”

“And if I find that he still feels the same along the way?”

“Then if he decides he wants to give you a chance, do everything in your power not to screw it up again. I still think that the chance of that is slim to none.”

“You don’t hold back once you’ve got permission to be blunt, do you?”

“You know I don’t.” Steve gave him a small smile. “I don’t think you deserve me asking this, but how do you feel?”

“Terrified. One mistake and everything’s ruined beyond repair, if it isn’t already.”

“Well, you said that you two came to the agreement of being civil, so I wouldn’t say it’s beyond repair.”

“It’s not beyond repair for you either.”

“Hm?” Steve’s brows furrowed. “I’m not sure where you’re going with this.”

“Sigyn.”

“Ah.” Steve looked over to the weights that were hung on the wall and stacked on the floor.

“You haven’t mucked up things like I have, you still have a stellar chance at being with her.”

“Just like with you, it’s been six years. I’m certain she’s found someone. Who wouldn’t want her?”

“Look it up.” Thor grinned at the appalled look on his face. “Or try to subtly ask around. Try the band. They don’t have a reason to keep things hush around you. I’m sure everyone agrees that you two are the couple that should’ve been.”

Steve flushed and rubbed at the back of his neck. “Well, we’ll see...”

“Go for it. Regret tastes just as awful as everyone says it does.” Thor stood. “Why don’t we get back to the work out? You up for turn at the bag or do you want to head outdoors?”

“The jog will help sort me out. Just let me throw on something warmer from my bag.”

Thor was equally in need for a jog. He had a lot to think about.

“Thor?” Steve turned. “It’s quite a bit to digest and I don’t agree with how you’ve handled all this, but I’m still your friend. You’re not gonna suddenly turn into a leper.”

The relief felt wonderful in comparison to the heaping pile of negative in his head and heart.

“If you don’t mind, I would very much like to do this again.”

“Work out or Rogers’ therapy?”

Thor chuckled. “Both.”

“I’m sticking around for the holidays; all you need to do is just call like you did today.” Steve fished through the duffle he brought. “I do recommend you talk to Loki some more. I can help you with sorting out your thoughts, but in the end you’re not going to solve anything without speaking to him and hearing how _he_ feels. Remember, this isn’t all about you. The sooner you grasp that mindset, the easier things’ll be.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keep warm everyone!
> 
>  
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	23. Battlefield (Part Two)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -I'm not an expert on laser tag (however briefly mentioned) and nor will I pretend to be.  
> -This chapter really snuck up on me.

_December 19, 2016_

_Loki_

Loki sighed as he pulled into the parking lot; he took a moment to savor the heat blasting from the vent before turning off the car and climbing out. He was free today and had accepted the invitation Thor had send via text a few days ago. While he still knew his way around Boston, change was inevitable and places like these were new to him. He didn’t even know what this place was and the parking lot was empty save two or three cars parked far apart. He quickly doubled checked the address given to him on the phone. It matched up so he made a beeline for the front entrance, anxious to get out of the cold.

He spotted the two blondes waiting for him immediately. Thor’s bulk was impossible to miss and both father and daughter radiated a blinding light that was hard to ignore.

Hela turned when she heard the door open and waved enthusiastically at him, Loki returning it easily. Loki could now see that they were alone in some type of gaming establishment.

“Papa!” Hela beamed as he approached the pair. She ran up to him and wrapped her arms around his legs.

“Hello, my love.” He bent down to place a sound kiss on her forehead.

“Loki.” He turned to find Thor staring at him intently with a soft smile on his face.

“Thor,” he nodded once. He was still very wary of the large blonde. “Should I even ask?” He motioned to their surroundings.

“We thought it’d be fun. Hela’s wanted to come for a while now.”

Hela nodded eagerly. “Daddy suggested we wait until you got back to go.”

“What’s so special about this place?” Loki looked around. “It looks like a regular arcade. And the parking lot is practically empty.”

“It has a place for laser tag!” Hela rubbed her hands together gleefully.

“And I know how much you value your privacy, so I arranged for us to have the place for ourselves for a while. They also have limited staff on hand.”

“Very well.” Loki hummed. He unwrapped the scarf from his neck, pulled off his gloves, and eased out of his coat. It was very warm inside and it would no doubt get warmer as they played. “Shall we then?”

Hela squealed and darted towards what he assumed was the direction of the laser tag room, Thor and Loki following at a more sedate pace.

“I’m glad you decided to join us.”

“We made a deal, didn’t we?”

Thor frowned. “Correct.”

“Don’t tell me you’re having second thoughts.”

“I’m not.”

“Ah, so you’re holding on to the hope of our reconciliation.”

Thor sighed. “Not here, Loki. Can we not do this right before we spend time with Hela? She will know something is wrong.”

Loki pursed his lips but nodded anyway. Thor was right in this; Hela had both parents together spending time with her and it would be a travesty to ruin her day.

“We do need to talk more.”

Loki didn’t answer, instead he handed his things to one of the scant few employees and went inside where Hela was getting ready. “So, how do we do this?” Loki fiddled with the plastic gun.

“Simple: just aim and shoot. Last one standing wins.”

 

It turns out that a six year old is much more agile and adept at aiming than two twenty-somethings; Hela took the lead with three games, Loki with two, and Thor in last place with one. The trio took a break and feasted on nachos, pizza, and soft drinks for lunch and tried out most of the games at least once afterwards.

It was well after two when they left and the establishment reopened for the general public and Loki had to admit that he’d had a great time with Hela and her father. Loki saw them to Thor’s car.

Once Thor had her buckled in, Loki leaned inside and kissed the tip of her nose.

“I love you, Mor.”

“I love you, too.” Loki smiled. “I will see you soon, darling.”

Loki closed the door.

“We really do need to talk, Loki.”

Loki sighed and turned to where Thor was standing in the open door of the driver’s side. “Are we really going to continue to pick at old wounds?”

“You know we can’t hope to have any sort of friendship without addressing the past.”

“I still question the wisdom of this.”

“It doesn’t have to be today if you aren’t ready.”

Loki laughed bitterly. “I’ll never be ready. We’ve loitered long enough, I’m sure we were spotted long ago.”

Thor sighed.

“Don’t look so glum, privacy wasn’t the only thing you gave up for this life, hm?”

 “Loki, please.”

“Maybe some time.”

“Soon?”

“I can’t promise that.”

“Very well then.”

Loki smiled and waved at Hela, who returned it hesitantly. Great, they tried to avoid ruining her day and made her suspicious anyway.

“Have a great day, Loki.”

 

\------------------

 

He fished out his phone as soon as he was inside his car.

“Loki?”

“I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

“Never.”

Loki rolled his eyes fondly. “Is there a chance for us to meet today?”

“Unfortunately, I’m booked until the evening. Is that okay?”

To see him at all today would be lovely. “That’s fine.”

“I’ll stop by your place with a little something for dinner, anything you want in particular?”

“Surprise me.”

“Yes sir!”

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_Thor_

He pulled his wet hair into a tight bun as he hurried towards the door.

He wasn’t expecting anyone, so he hoped it wasn’t some random fan who’s found out where he lived. He pushed the com button. “Hello?”

“It’s me.”

Loki? He didn’t think he’d come at all today, or the next to be honest.

He opened the gate and tried not to look too anticipant when he heard the doorbell moments later.

He opened the door for the wary looking brunet, he was always wary these days. “Loki.”

“Thor.”

Thor stepped back and Loki came inside, his intelligent eyes sweeping his surroundings swiftly.

“How did you know? I never gave you the address.”

“I went to your mor’s house first. She directed me here.”

Thor closed the door and wiped his hands on his sweatpants, he knew he should’ve worn something less slob-like. “Would you like anything to drink?”

“Do you have tea?”

“Yes. I can put it on. Follow me.”

He tried to keep his hands steady as he prepared everything, hyper aware of Loki sitting just a few feet away at the counter. He nervously sat down across from him.

“Well, where should we start?”

Thor scratched the back of his neck. “I have no idea.”

“Where’s Hela?”

“Asleep. We wore her out today.”

“She’s going to give you hell for the rest of the night.”

“I know.” Thor smiled. “It’ll be worth it. She was so happy today.”

“Laser tag is more fun than I anticipated.”

“We could’ve just sat in one of the cars and she would have been just as happy. She had both her parents with her.”

“Something that could have been possible had her father not been an inconsiderate ass.”

Thor winced. “I deserved that.”

“And much more.” Loki frowned. “I would like to know what was going through your mind that day.”

Even he was still trying to sort that out. “A jumbled mess, Loki. Though my actions dictated otherwise, I wasn’t as unaffected as I appeared back then. I broke two hearts that day and –“

Loki snorted.

“Most importantly, I broke _your_ heart that day.” He thought back to what Steve suggested just days ago. “It’s been about me long enough. What –” Thor cleared his throat. “What went through _your_ mind that day?”

“Pain. Confusion.” Loki answered easily. “Imagine happily planning a future with someone only for them to be standing outside of a U-Haul ready to go to the other side of the country without you when you get home one day.” Loki leaned forward. “Can you even comprehend what that’s like?”

No. He wasn’t the one that was left behind. “No.”

“I loved you so much. If you had so much as said the word, I would’ve been packed up ready to go with you in minutes. That’s how much control you had over me. What I can’t seem to grasp is _why_ you left without me.”

“I don’t know, Lo-“

“That’s _bullshit_ , Thor!” Loki slammed his fist down on the marble. “You were ashamed of me.”

Thor’s breath hitched. “Ashamed of you? Loki, never.”

“That’s a lie. The least you could do is be honest with me now. Aren’t _friends_ supposed to be honest with each other?”

“Loki, I could never be ashamed of you.” Where was he getting this from?

“ _Lies_.” Loki hissed, his eyes narrowed dangerously. “You thought of all the possible criticism you would get when you flew into Hollywood with your boyfriend. Big, golden Thor gay? Oh! The horror! Or were you were terrified that someone would find out that he wasn’t quite your _boy_ friend, hm?”

He wanted Loki to stop talking. To stop belittling himself this way.

“You were horrified at the thought of people discovering you were fucking a freak.”

“STOP IT!” Thor growled just as the kettle whistled. He went to move the pot off the burner.

At this point neither of them wanted any of the tea; Thor didn’t bother fixing any and returned to the seat in front of Loki.

“I have been selfish, I have been an idiot, and the pain I’ve caused you is unforgivable, but _I’ve never thought you a freak and you know this_.”

Loki tightened his jaw.

“I’ve truly only ever thought the best of your uniqueness –“

“ _Uniqueness._ ”

 “- and I had more than a choice few words for those who thought otherwise.”

“So it’s not okay for others to hurt me but you have full reign to? In one of the worst imaginable ways?”

Thor deflated immediately. “If I could turn back time…”

“But you can’t, so now what?” Loki crossed his arms. “There’s so much pain inside me where you are concerned.” He shook his head. “Maybe it’s too much to attempt whatever it is you’re trying to attempt.”

He was starting to pull back now, his eyes becoming more distant. No. “No, Loki. No. We need to try.”

“To what end, Thor?” Loki stood. “Things have worked fine with the way we were doing this.”

“Our mothers won’t always be around to act as mediators.”

“Until Hela’s eighteen is just fine.”

“No day is promised to any of us Loki, and the older you are the worse those chances are.” Thor’s voice softened. “Like I said earlier. Hela had been so happy today, is it so wrong that I want her to always be that happy?”

“Which is impossible because we’re not always together and we never will be.”

Thor swallowed and looked away. Damn it, the longer he spoke to Loki the more he felt that Steve was right about him moving on. Was there really no chance? Would they even make it as friends? His heart was feeling heavier by the minute.

“That was something I learned when it first hit me that you weren’t coming back. That I would be dealing with the pregnancy and birth alone.”

And just like that it dropped to the pit of his stomach and Thor took a deep breath. All he wanted right now was to hold Loki, but he knew that was the last thing the Swede wanted.

 

\---------

 

_Loki_

 

It was hard to speak about, but he could tell that he was chipping away at Thor’s staunch obliviousness.

“I learned that when I first got morning sickness and you weren’t there to fuss over me and pull my hair back. When I first felt her move inside of me and you weren’t there for me to tell. When I found out that it was actually her, it hurt to remember when we used to gush over the possibility of doting on our little princess once we were stable and mature enough to have children. I’m honestly surprised that none came into being while you were with Amora.”

“I didn’t – I _don’t_ want children with anyone else besides you.” Thor whispered.

 “I think this is enough for one day.” Loki slid off of the stool. “Send Hela my love.”

Loki’s phone chirped and he fished it out of his pocket. Victor was waiting for him. If anyone could turn this evening around, it would be him. He knew he shouldn’t have come.

He left as fast as he could.

Thor never picked his gaze up from the countertop.

He was long gone before the blonde picked his head up and tried in vain to blink the blurriness from his vision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	24. I Don't Know Just Who You Are (Part One)

_Loki_

 

“Are you sure about this?”

“For the thousandth time, Victor, yes.” Loki assured him as he rang the doorbell.

He had made the right call inviting Victor over yesterday night. They talked and joked and kissed the night away over some takeout and wine; the director was more than a little tipsy afterwards so Loki had grabbed some spare blankets and pillows and the couple had camped out on the plush living room carpet.

Sigyn had ringed a half an hour ago and invited him to have lunch at her place and since Victor had been free for lunch today, Loki decided to do something that he’d been thinking about for a while now: he would introduce him properly to the rest of the gang.

The door flew open, revealing his ever excited best friend. “Loki! I knew you couldn’t resist momma’s home cooking!” She looked past his shoulder and squealed. “You must be Mr. Smart, Talented, and Handsome.” Sigyn shoved Loki out of the way and pulled a startled Victor inside.

Loki winced and sighed, stepping in and closing the door before following. He paused when he entered the dining room. The others were there as promised and Sigyn was introducing him to everyone, but he was surprised to see Steve there.

“And this is –“

“I know who he is,” Victor cut in politely when she got to Steve. “It’s been a while Steven.”

Steve shook his hand firmly, and though his next words were polite, his smile looked a little forced. “It’s good to see you again.”

Loki noticed he didn’t correct Victor when he used his full name. That was rather odd. His smile was more genuine when he spotted him though.

“Loki.”

“Steve.” Loki nodded to him and after trading greetings with the others, he sat next to Victor and across from Sigyn.

The lunch was simple, but delicious as always when Sigyn got in a cooking mood. Grilled chicken with some salad and apple pie that could come from no one else but Steve’s mother was a satisfying but not too filling meal.

The conversation was light with Victor as the center of attention, the rest of the band anxious to know more about him; Sigyn had more than broken the ice with her exuberant dragging of him into the dining room in the first place and his boyfriend (how new and exciting that was!) was more than at ease with answering their queries.

Steve was still a mystery though, he’d supplied enough to the talk but wasn’t his usual verbose self. He kept stealing glances between Loki and Victor, with his gaze lingering on Victor.

He must have spoken to Thor, and the big oaf must have painted Victor out to be some sort of villain even if he didn’t know the director at all. How petty. He will have to get Steve alone to clear up any misconceptions; Victor has been nothing but a patient gentleman in all the time that Loki has known him.

“You said you’ve met before,” Svad gestured to Steve. “It must be a really small world.”

“It was a smaller project I directed. I wanted to test the waters with action films and Steven and Thor Odinson were exemplary in it.” Victor raised his glass to Steve. “I hope you two don’t wind up type casted, it would be such a waste of talent.”

Steve nodded his thanks and blushed a little when Sigyn offered him a proud little smile. “It was a great learning experience.”

“Likewise.”

No one dared to mention Victor’s name drop of Thor and for that Loki was grateful.

The rest of the time passed by rather quickly before they knew it and Victor had to take his leave.

“It was splendid meeting all of you.” Victor grinned as he shook each individual hand.

“Ditto,” Angie agreed.

“Don’t be a stranger. The same goes for you, Lokes.” Darcy said. “I haven’t seen much of you since Thanksgiving! I know he’s a looker but we could use a bit of attention too.”

Loki blushed but agreed to meet up soon. When he was on his way out, he noticed Steve watching them go with a small frown.

He didn’t know why, but he shivered.

“That was nice. You’ve surrounded yourself with good people.”

Loki didn’t like that he had to force a smile on his face when it was so easy to do so in Victor’s company.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

_Thor_

 

“Steve? What’s up?” All of these unexpected visits were making him more than wary – first Loki, then his brother earlier today, now his best friend.

He let Steve inside and they went into the kitchen and settled onto two of the bar stools.

“Where’s the kiddo?”

“She’ll be out of lessons with my mother for lunch soon.”

“Speaking of lunches,” Steve leaned forward. “Why didn’t you tell me Loki was dating von Doom?”

Thor froze. “What?”

“Von Doom. Victor von Doom.”

“Uh, because _I_ didn’t know.”

“If this wasn’t enough to convince me,” Steve pulled out his phone and pushed it over to Thor. “Then the two of them arriving together for lunch at Sigyn’s sure did the trick.”

Thor remained silent as he read the article Steve had pulled up, and his jaw clenched at the pictures inside it with Loki and who was indeed Victor von Doom outside of a few restaurants that he himself had introduced Loki to years ago.

Did he even realize that they were some of the places Thor had taken him when he had finally saved up enough from working as an assistant at his father’s practice? Did Loki seek to replace older memories of their past with new memories of Victor?

“I’d appreciate it if you didn’t crush my phone. It’s not like I can’t get another one but it’d be a pain.”

Thor eased his grip and pushed the phone back over to Steve.

“He’d told me that he was seeing someone named Victor and that he was in the business but I didn’t think it would be _him._ To be honest it isn’t something I want to think about at all.”

“We should tell Loki.”

“I thought you wanted me to stay away from him.”

“First off, I suggested that you give him room to move on, not stay away from him. Second, that was before I knew he was dating von Doom. Third, you don’t, and probably shouldn’t, approach this as a romantic interest but as a friend. If what you told me is true – “

“ _It is._ ”

“– then he needs to be told.”

Thor thought back on everything that was said between them the previous evening. “He won’t believe me. Especially after yesterday. He would paint me as an obstructionist and as being jealous.”

“Are you?”

“Am I what?”

“Jealous.”

“No.”

“You looked as if you were about to have an aneurysm and you were about to crush my phone.” Steve shook his head and snapped himself back to reality. “We’re straying from the subject. We have to let Loki know what you saw.”

“He’ll take it better coming from anyone else but me. He’ll think it’s mere speculation and that I made it up. I’m not sure he wants to see or hear from me anyway.”

“I’ve never known you to be one to give up.”

“I’ve seen a glimpse of the pain I caused and I honestly don’t wish to see it again.”

“This isn’t about you! Men like that rarely change! We have to do something!”

“And I’m not in a position to do anything!”

“So you’re just gonna let this run its course until something bad happens? Could you in all consciousness do that?”

No. He couldn’t. “What do you suggest?”

“You mentioned a few days ago that he agreed to meet you in order to spend time with Hela.”

Thor nodded.

“Do whatever you have to do to continue that. I know you don’t want to know, but gradually get some info on how things are going between him and Victor.”

“I don’t want to hear any of that.”

“ _It’s not about you_.” Steve reiterated. “The quicker you can do this, the better. I don’t think they’ve done anything physical.”

Thor sighed. He really wasn’t ready to discuss this.

“I can tell from their body language and I know with Loki’s _differences_ that he’s going to be more than a little cautious. I think you’ll have enough time to learn how they’re proceeding. Keep it above being superficial, you know he can sniff out ingenuity from a mile away. You’re an actor, make it work.”

Silence hung between them for a long time.

“What ever happened to Ella?”

Thor shrugged. “I haven’t seen her since that night. She was replaced the next day, remember?”

“Daddy! Daddy!”

Thor turned just as Hela came running with a piece of paper in her hands.

“Daddy, I can add big numbers all by myself now!”

“That’s great, Hel!” He easily lifted her into his lap, giving the paper a once over.

“Uncle Steve, look!” Hela urged Thor to pass the paper over to the other blond.

“This is great.” Steve grinned. “The world could use another bright young lady.”

Hela giggled.

“Steve, it’s nice to see you.” Frigga was all grace as she entered the kitchen.

“It’s always great to see you too, Mrs. Odinson.” Steve looked properly chastised at the look she gave him. “I mean Miss Frigga.”

“Good.” Frigga headed for the fridge. “Are you staying for lunch?”

“I actually had a light lunch before coming here. I just came by for a quick chat, I should be on my way. Get out of your hair.”

“Nonsense! You eat nearly as much as Thor. I’m sure you have ample room for a sandwich or two.”

“You’d have better luck stopping the snow every winter than turning down one of her sandwiches.” Thor grinned.

“If you insist…”

“I do, so keep your bottom right there.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“How do you feel about asking Mor to go ice skating soon?” Thor asked his daughter.

Hela gasped. “Really?”

Thor smiled. “Yes, really.”

“Yay!”

Thor and Steve’s eyes met over her head and Steve gave him a nod, Thor returning the gesture.

Frigga said nothing as she witnessed it out of the corner of her eye and continued to pull out all the necessary ingredients to make a late lunch.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	25. It's Complicated

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm terribly sorry for the long wait, my only means of internet at home has been the library once a week and I haven't always been able to make it. It'll get better once I go back to uni soon.

_December 23, 2016_

_Loki_

 

He took deep, heaving breaths as he hid behind one of the sturdy trees on Thor’s property. He could still hear his daughter’s giggles as she searched around for him and her father. Speaking of which, the blond had become exceedingly bearable these last few times they’ve met. Thor didn’t pry into their history or reference towards a possible reunion when they went ice skating, when they went painting, or when they went sledding. All he did during the sparing moments they were alone was ask after his health or after his music or how things were going with Victor.

That last thing that set him on edge, his face blooming with color when Thor first asked him about it. Thor had held his hands up in the air, signaling that he meant no harm by the question. Maybe he was finally getting the message and they would at least be friends and nothing more. Loki – to his great surprise – volunteered a bit of info when they were painting and Hela had gone to fetch more blue; he talked vaguely about showing Victor around town while he was here and how he was planning to get Maria and Victor’s team together to make an official announcement about their relationship.

Whether it was his background as an actor or his sheer willingness to see this through, Thor offered him a small smile and a quiet “Good. Good for you.” He wondered how Thor’s divorce was going and if anyone had caught the blond’s eye (besides him, if that was a thing?) yet, but unlike Thor, he didn’t have the courage to ask or hear the answer.

Things were indeed going pretty well for him and Victor in a broad sense, but recently there’s been some behavior that was slowly putting him on edge. When they went out things were great and they had a wonderful time, but he could tell Vince was anxious to get to something more physical; his sighs were getting louder and more drawn out each time Loki backed out of a heavy petting session.

To be honest, he didn’t understand it himself. With the way their relationship started out – the easy conversation, the matching interests, and let’s not forget the phone sex – and how obviously attracted to one another they were, most couples in their position would have had sex long ago, but something was holding him back and he had no idea what it was. He didn’t want to think it had something with the odd look Steve had had on his face; ever since that lunch days ago Steve had been conveniently unavailable to talk. Huh.

A snowball to the face snapped him out of his thoughts.

“Ha! Got you, Mor!”

Loki laughed as he swiped the snow off his face. “Come here, you little!”

Hela squealed and darted away, and Loki laughed harder when she managed to catch Thor in the side of the head when the other snowball she had. Like her father, she wasn’t the best when it came to sneaking around but, just like her father because Loki couldn’t aim to save his life most of the time, she hit her mark – them – every time. He was starting to suspect that Thor _let_ him place second in their laser tag battle.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Like the previous nights before, they had eaten well and were pleasantly tipsy from the bottle of wine they shared. Its usual influence took over and had them at it again tonight.

But as warm and heavy his arousal sat in the pit of his stomach, he moved to pull back from Victor. The other man tugged him back, trying to keep them together but ultimately Loki eased free from his eager clutches.

“Not tonight?” he asked.

Loki winced but nodded.

Victor sighed and moved to push himself up from the couch.

Loki felt awful, Victor has been nothing but understanding and kind and yet he still couldn’t get over Loki’s last barrier. He shot his hand out and tugged on his wrist, Victor reluctantly sitting back down.

“Loki…”

“We could do something else, er, _I_ could do something else.”

“Oh?” Victor sat back.

Loki dropped to his knees and eased Victor’s legs apart so he could move between them. “Did you bring anything?” he asked as he palmed the director’s fully grown erection against his thigh.

Victor sat up a bit and took his wallet out of his back pocket, the packet crinkling as he fished it out and handed it over before settling back down.

Loki made quick work of his belt and fly, letting Victor out and giving him a few experimental strokes. He was of a decent size, a little bigger than Svad, but much smaller than Thor. He fiddled with the condom in lieu of blushing, though the taste was borderline foul, there’s only one man he’s ever given head to without a condom; he no longer relished the sharp taste and the warm flood coating his tongue.

He rolled it on carefully and teased the head a bit with his tongue. Victor gasped, his palm pressing into the couch’s cushion. Loki set to work, sucking at the head before taking in more of the shaft, quickly picking up on the things that Victor liked the most – he liked when a little pressure was applied to the base with his thumb and pointer finger and the head was particularly sensitive, if there was no condom barrier he could probably make Victor come just from teasing the slit.

Victor had already been quite wound up from the extensive make out session and it wasn’t long before his hands gripped Loki’s hair tight and his hips began to thrust heavily of their own accord. “Shit Loki,” he panted. “Your mouth is so warm and tight. I can’t wait to see what your ass feels like.”

Anal was something he had only tried once, and though he didn’t get much from it the penetration itself, his _partner_ (thinking of his name would kill this for him) made sure he was well taken care of. It may have been the wine in his system but the memory made his thighs clench together and aroused him further.

Victor pushed as far as he could go and cried out as he finished, his member twitching and filling the condom. Once he was sure Victor was done, Loki pulled the condom off and went to dispose of it in the bathroom down the hall, walking on shaky legs.

As soon as the director recovered Loki politely declined his offer to reciprocate and was ushering him out with errant kisses and promises to see him tomorrow night. Once the car pulled out of the driveway he darted up the stairs as best he could on trembling legs; he shut the door behind him and locked it for good measure (he would _not_ have a repeat of Sigyn walking in on him, best friend or not that was one of the single most embarrassing moments of his life and it almost made him take back his spare key from her).

He flicked the lamp on and dug quickly through the third drawer of the table beside the bed, pulling out the box at the back. He opened it to reveal the three toys he had bought sitting on the satin cushion the box provided; he picked the largest one and set the others back in the drawer. He swiftly shed his clothes, the panties he was wearing were quite damp in the middle.

He didn’t need to reach down to tell but he did anyway, he was wetter than he had been in a long time, and to the unbidden thought of _him_ no less. He only teased himself minimally, opening himself up just enough to take the dildo inside his cunt. Chastising himself and promising that this would be the last time he did this, he gave himself away to the memory.

 

_The bed creaked under their combined weight and Thor’s insistent thrusts. The headboard thumped heavily against the wall. Thor’s breaths came out in harsh pants and long moans. Their skin clapped together loudly in the otherwise silent room. All of these were mere background sounds compared to the white noise buzzing in his fuzzy head._

_It was surreal to feel the contact of Thor’s legs bracketing his through the sheer material of his stockings. The garters were tugging incessantly as Thor continued to thrust into him from behind. Loki did this for him twice a year, dressing up in his lingerie – on Thor’s birthday and on this day, Christmas. Despite Thor’s assurances that he would_ not _grow bored or accustomed to the sight, Loki still limited it those two special occasions. Their anniversary was saved for something tenderer, more loving._

_This little white number came via delivery from Victoria’s Secret; the panties left little to the imagination and he always enjoyed the stocking – garter combination and though he had no breasts to fill them up with, it brought him a keen pleasure to don the pristine white bra that came with it. He had no idea where it went since Thor tossed it after nearly ripping it off of him. His panties didn’t suffer the same fate, thank heavens, he had just pulled them aside to get to both of his entrances._

_This Christmas he decided to do something extra since it was a great night of celebration. Thor had the lead in one of the biggest plays put on by the company he performed with and he’d done a spectacular job on opening night tonight. He’d heard about the deed in whispers from a few girls in high school and even the college he attended. It had been rough going at first when he finally let Thor in after much convincing (Thor hadn’t wanted to hurt him) and lots of careful preparation, but now Thor was pistoning in and out of him and three of his impossibly large fingers were mimicking that pace inside his cunt, his thumb working his clit with practiced ease._

_He was getting so close and with the slight hitches in Thor’s breath, he could tell he was too. His legs almost gave out when Thor’s fingers began to brush against that sensitive spot inside him and it almost pushed him over – what did it though, was when Thor brushed his hair aside, pasted himself to his back, and groaned, the sound guttural and drawn out as he came inside of Loki’s ass. Loki_ screamed _, his warm fluid gushing and coating Thor’s hand and the sheets beneath them. His legs did give out on him then, as each wave of orgasm hit him harder than the last and Thor worked him until he batted his hand away weakly._

 

The echo of that groan was still in his ear as he came around the vibrator, his hips lifting off the bed as he tried to get as much of it as possible inside himself. It was the hardest he’d come in a long time on his own. He mustered enough energy after his recovery to clean the vibrator and himself, and collapsed on the bed once the box was tucked back into its hiding place.

Well, fuck.

He would have a hard time looking Thor or his mother or anyone in the Odinson family in the eye come Christmas morning, but he wouldn’t miss his daughter’s reaction to her gifts for the world.

He would think about all that later though, the food, the wine, and his orgasm made his mind and body heavy with sleep and he fell under before he had a chance to cover himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	26. Two Steps Forward, One Back

_December 25, 2016_

_Loki_

 

“Loki!” Frigga leaned up to kiss each of his cheeks. “It’s so good to see you.”

Loki offered her a smile, true to his thoughts days ago, it _was_ rather hard to look her in the eye, but he managed as best he could. “The same. Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas.” Frigga beamed. “Your mor is already here.”

It was agreed that they would all meet on semi-neutral ground, Thor’s parents’ house. Loki also suspected that his mor didn’t want to open the presents at Thor’s place and Frigga was more than happy to accommodate all.

“Great.” Loki adjusted the presents for his daughter in his arms.

“Oh, how rude of me!” Frigga stepped back and allowed Loki to come inside. “You know where the living room is, darling.”

Loki nodded and headed that way. The room was surprisingly empty, it seemed as though not even the allure of Christmas morning could rouse the sleeping log that his daughter could be at times. Like father, like daughter.

“Loki.”

The back of Loki’s head nearly collided with the bottom branches of the tree. Flushing only slightly, he stood and turned to Thor. The large blond was fidgeting with a not so neatly wrapped gift in his hands.

“She should be down any minute. Our mothers are making sure she goes through her morning like she should before rushing down.” Thor hesitantly stepped a little closer, shyly and a little awkwardly holding out a gift. “I – uh – I got you something.”

And wrapped it himself by the looks of it.

Loki frowned. “But I didn’t get you anything.”

Thor shook his head. “It doesn’t matter,” he urged Loki to take the present. “Here. Open it.”

Loki took it and saw Thor swallow thickly. Glancing up at the blond one last time, Loki tore the packaging and his eyes widened exponentially as he took in the book inside.

“The Lords and the New Creatures.” Loki breathed. “By Thrym Noregr.”

“I remember you like poetry and I remember you being really inspired by him and the Jotnar so I sort of combined the two.”

The pages were yellowed and lightly stained with age, but other than that it was in great condition. It had to have been one of the first few copies and it was a very rare find since it went out of circulation years ago. Loki gasped when he saw Thrym’s signature on one of the blank pages in the front, just as aged as the rest of the book.

“Thor. I – I can’t.” Loki shook his head and closed the book, trying to hand it back to him. “It must have cost a fortune.”

Thor pushed it back and snorted as if to say _really?_

“How did you even find this? On such short notice?”

Thor scratched the back of his head. “It wasn’t that much short notice. I started looking for something a little after Thanksgiving. I eventually had to call in a favor to help out. I knew it was perfect when he showed it to me.”

“It _is_ perfect.” Loki whispered. He looked up at Thor and back at the book. He cautiously closed the distance between them and gave Thor a hug, light and very brief before pulling back. There was no need to hug him any longer than what new friends would. “I can’t – thank you, _so_ much.”

Thor’s smile was bright. “You’re welcome, Loki.”

“Presents! Presents, presents, presents!” Hela came bounding in.

Loki raised a brow at her mussed hair and her slightly rumpled pajama set.

Thor flushed and shrugged.

Frigga and Farbauti followed her excited squeals, and behind them came Odin and Balder and Idunn.

“Well, I guess she’s anxious to get started.”

Loki sat on the floor and Thor sat not too far to his left. Hela parked herself in the middle just as Frigga picked up the first present.

 

\-------------

 

Loki sipped gently at the warm cider in his mug. It had been a long, yet fulfilling day. He and his mor had bounced around from house to house, picking up and dropping off presents. They would have to find a more efficient way to do this if there was a chance of everyone being home for the holidays ever happened again. Hela had gotten more than her fair share of presents, much to her delight.

Once everyone was done spending time, trading presents, and talking with their respective families, every descended on the Odinson home for dinner, much to Frigga’s delight. He had decided against bringing Victor, while they were somewhat sexually active, it felt too early to bring him to the holiday celebrations. They had agreed to meet up after the dinner.

He turned when he heard footsteps, it was Thor.

“Oh, I didn’t think anyone was here.” He had his own mug in hand and had probably come here to think just as Loki had.

Loki waved off his concern. “It’s fine.”

Thor nodded and stepped up to the sliding doors as well, making sure to keep a respectable distance between them. He was really trying. Loki couldn’t help but feel touched in a way, but he was mildly surprised. Thor wasn’t one to give up on something that he really wanted, but then again was Loki getting ahead of himself? Maybe he wasn’t something that Thor _really_ wanted. He told himself that he was glad for that, he could focus more on his relationship with Victor now that he didn’t have to try to thwart Thor’s attempts at a reconciliation.

Loki glanced at Thor from the corner of his eye. The blond’s hair was loose around his shoulders and he was dressed in a simple black shirt and grey sweatpants. His gaze stopped on the hand holding the extra-large mug and his mind went back to the day prior to yesterday.

“Loki? Did you hear me?”

Loki snapped back to reality to realize Thor must have asked him a question.

“Is there something on my hand?” Thor frowned and looked at it.

Loki’s face turned an impossible shade of red.

“Loki?” Thor looked from Loki’s face to his hand and back again twice. Thor wasn’t an idiot, and it only took him a few moments to realize why Loki was so embarrassed.

He licked his lips and cleared his throat before looking back out to the back yard. It seemed as though he remembered their Christmas experiences as well, the last one all those years ago the same fingers that clutched at his mug.

Thor looked over to him. “Loki –“

“Please don’t.”

“I remember it too.”

Loki held up a hand. “ _Don’t. Just. Don’t._ ”

Thor nodded and turned his gaze away.

Loki’s pocket buzzed and he quickly fished it out.

_I’m free now, whenever you’re ready_

“Is it your boyfriend?”

“I don’t think I appreciate your tone.”

Thor shrugged. “It was just a question. Sorry if it was invasive.”

_Let me say a few goodbyes and I’ll meet you at my place_

It wasn’t as amusing to watch Thor try to stamp down his jealousy as he thought it would be. He should never have allowed himself to think of that last Christmas. He drank the rest of his cider and placed the mug in the sink before taking his leave.

“Can you allow me one question?”

Loki paused. “Is it of the relationship variety?”

“Yes.” Thor answered honestly.

“I question the wisdom of this.”

“You always do.”

“Fine. I’ll allow it because of your gift.”

That brought a small smile to the blond’s face before he became serious. “Has it ever the same or better for you?”

“I don’t believe I follow you.”

Thor bit his lip, he looked somewhat embarrassed. “I mean – like – even with Amora and the others it’s never come close…”

“You know I’m not going to answer that, Thor. The specifics of my sex life is of no concern to you. You lost that privilege.” Loki turned to leave again.

“Wait.”

“What now?”

“I need to tell you something. Something about Victor.”

“Trying to sabotage my current relationship won’t make ours any better.”

“It’s not like that. Loki, I’m worried about your safety.”

Loki left without further comment; he wasn’t going to stand there and let Thor try to ruin his relationship. He put on a smile as he hugged and kissed his daughter, Hela shifting between squealing and pouting. He gave a hug and a kiss to his mother as well and said his farewells to the rest before heading out to his car.

He thought that Thor was better than that; he thought that he wouldn’t stoop so low as to take cheap shots at him like that. He and Thor both knew the answer to that question, but what bothered him the most was his burgeoning curiosity as to what Thor had to say. He wouldn’t indulge Thor or that curiosity, but something Victor had said stuck with him.

_“It was a smaller project I directed. I wanted to test the waters with action films and Steven and Thor Odinson were exemplary in it.”_

Was the time it took to film that project enough for Thor to find something out? Or was he finally showing his true colors and was being petty enough to attempt to drive a wedge between him and Victor?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who don't know, Thrym is in place of Jim Morrison and the Jotnar are in place of the Doors.
> 
>  
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	27. I Don't Know Just Who You Are (Part Two)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This scene came a little out of nowhere for me and was a bit hard for me to write, but here it goes!
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR: drugging, non-con, rape attempt, victim blaming, some suggestive language, assault/violence.
> 
> I'll be adding the necessary tags late tonight or early tomorrow.

_December 31, 2016_

_Loki_

“Thank you for staying for as long as you have. I can imagine there’s plenty of other things you could’ve been doing that’s more productive.” Loki sat his empty wine glass down on the coffee table.

“I’m not gonna hear the end of it, that’s for sure, but it’s been worth it.” Victor sat his own glass down next to the now empty bottle of wine.

Loki smiled and leaned in to the kiss the director offered. He relaxed as he felt the warmth of Victor’s hand through the material of his sweater, caressing up and down his right arm; Loki placed a hand on his shoulder as the kiss deepened.

Victor was about to press him down into the couch when Loki’s phone beeped. He sighed when Loki pulled back to check it.

_You coming for the countdown?_

Loki frowned and checked the time, 11:34 pm.

 “Victor…”

“You have to leave.”

“I know I sound like a broken record, but we always do the countdown at Sigyn’s.” Loki smiled. “You should come, they’ve been asking about you.”

Victor shook his head. “I actually have to prepare to fly out tomorrow.”

“Oh.” Loki frowned. “ _Oh_.”

“Yeah.” Victor leaned down and ruffled through the small carrier bag he brought the wine in. “You should have a sip of this with me, then I’ll drop you off. You’re in no real condition to drive.”

He was right in that regard, Loki was feeling on the heavier side of tipsy. “That’ll work. What do you have?”

“Tequila. Have you ever had it?”

Loki’s nose scrunched up. “Once or twice. I like my drinks easy to go down.”

“Then you’ve never had one of the best.” Victor flashed the bottle at him. “It’ll go down much easier than you think.”

“You know where the glasses are.”

“That I do.” Victor smiled and got up.

Loki texted Sigyn back, squinting at the screen to better focus.

_I’ll be there in 10._

It was another few moments before Victor came back, a small glass in each hand. Loki smiled and took the offered glass, and Victor sat down, already sipping at his.

“Go ahead. Try it.”

Loki took a cautious sip, his brows raising when it went down smooth enough. “It’s not bad. Not bad at all.” He tried it again, with the same result. “It’s good.”

Victor chuckled. “It’s always fun to convert someone.”

Loki took a more daring sip before placing the glass down with the rest on the coffee table. “You may have to send some my way or show me where to get it. We should be going now, though. Sigyn’ll have my head.”

Loki moved to stand, but blinked rapidly as his limbs were a little slow to respond. “Vic-tor?”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

_Thor_

_February, 2011_

_“Looks like the boss has gotten himself something pretty tonight.” Henry grinned, looking past Thor’s shoulder._

_He and Steve looked over to see the director leading a girl out of the bar._

_“Isn’t that Ella? One of the assistants?” Aaron asked._

_“Now we know how she got the job!” Adam supplied._

_The table filled with raucous laughter with the exception of Steve and himself._

_“I’m sure it’s just the celebratory atmosphere and the alcohol.” Steve defended. “She’s nice and good at her job.”_

_“That’s not the only thing she’s good at apparently.”_

_The guys snickered._

_They gathered at the bar closest the hotel they were shacked up in for the duration of the shoot. The set was close enough so they wouldn’t require trailers. He felt that it was a small mercy. This was the first weekend they had off and he could tell it would do a lot for the cast and crew’s morale the following week._

_“So what’s next for you boys when we eventually wrap up?” He quickly changed the subject, each of their cast mates eager to boast about their own upcoming projects._

_Steve nodded his gratitude._

_\---------------_

_The lobby was dark when he finally called it a night, the guys had left one by one, Steve wishing him a good night before he departed._

_“I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah? Don’t drink yourself blind.”_

_Thor had snorted. “Aye, captain. See you tomorrow.”_

_Something caught his attention out the corner of his eye when he was halfway to the elevators. It was a silhouette of someone, a woman it appeared._

_He frowned, turning around fully as he saw her stagger. “Miss?”_

_The woman stumbled into the door and he caught her tear-streaked face in the moonlight._

_“Ella?”_

_She didn’t appear to hear him and after a quick fumble she pushed her way outside. Thor shook his head and quickly jogged back to the front entrance, but he was too late. She was easily swallowed in the drunken, Friday night crowd._

Thor shook out of his stupor. He hadn’t thought about that in years, but now the memory had hit him so strongly that it frightened him. He checked the time. 11:19 pm.

He called his mother. “Mum? Do you mind coming over to watch over Hela for a bit?”

“Is there something wrong, Thor? Or did you change your mind about hanging out with your friends?”

“I-I’m not sure.” He should’ve just said that he had indeed changed his mind, but it was always difficult to lie to his mother on the spot. “Could you just come over?”

“I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

He got up and paced once the call ended, checking the time periodically. Things between the two of them had gone right back to square one after Christmas night. They’d met up twice since then and Loki shut down when he asked anything that wasn’t pertaining to that day or Hela. He was still struggling with ideas to make up the lost ground.

When his mother finally arrived, he buzzed her in.

His posture and his expression tipped her off immediately. “Son, what’s wrong?”

“I don’t know, Mum. Do you – do you know where Loki lives?”

“I can ask Farbauti, if she’s still awake.”

“Please do.”

“Get a pen and paper.” Frigga watched him with worried eyes as she made the call.

It turns out that she was, but Thor wasn’t surprised, the woman was otherworldly in a very intimidating way.

Thor jotted down the directions and repeated them back for confirmation; he quickly pulled on a thick sweater, snatched his keys out of the bowl, and was out the door in moments. He could feel the adrenaline start to build and paid no mind to the cold as he threw the car door open and hopped inside.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_Loki_

 

“Vic-tor?” His speech was starting to slur a bit. He was confused. He’d been tipsy at best, and surely just a few sips of tequila wouldn’t affect him this bad?

He heard the director sigh before he moved to maneuver Loki to a lying position. “Just lie back for me, Loki. I can make this good for the both of us.”

“N-no…no.” This couldn’t be happening. He pushed against the back of the couch and dropped to the ground. He still had relative control of his limbs and was thankful that he hadn’t consumed the whole glass.

Victor didn’t let him get far though and he turned him around on the ground. “Had those calls we made while you were in Europe meant nothing? Has all these nights here meant nothing to you?”

“Victor, no…”

“Why haven’t we made this official in the best way possible? Why have you been leading me on like this?” Victor reached for his belt and Loki brought his knee up as quickly as he could manage.

Victor cried out and Loki turned again, pushing himself up sluggishly to his hands and knees to crawl. He managed a foot or so before he felt a pain in his side where Victor suddenly booted him, a sharp pain springing up from around his temple where the edge of the coffee table connected with his head.

Victor flung him back over and despite the mass surge of vertigo he aimed for Victor’s face and clawed at it, the director letting out a cross between a snarl and a howl. He gripped the front of Loki’s sweater and let his fist fly. The world seemed to shift as it collided with his face and his head bounced on the carpeted floor.

“This is _your_ fault, Loki!” It was the first time he’d ever heard Victor lose his composure and in this state it scared him even more. He swung again, connecting with his jaw. “You brought this on yourself.”

Whatever advantage his height could’ve given him was dashed by what had to have been drugs in his drink and the blows to his head. Victor had the weight advantage and the advantage of being almost sober. It didn’t help that the blood from the wound near his temple was getting in his left eye now.

He was hit again, and even more pain flared as his nose was broken and it became infinitely harder to breathe. Victor grabbed him by the throat in a bruising grip and Loki fought hard to remove it has Victor used his free hand to unbuckled his belt clumsily. He dug what he could of his nails into Victor’s hand and got backhanded for his trouble. Victor rolled him over to his stomach again but this time he worked both his sweater and the shirt underneath up, pushing them higher until they inhibited most of his arms’ mobility. His jeans being pulled down to his knees after a quick unfasten rendered his legs almost useless.

 

A sense of dread and a crushing amount of hopelessness washed over him. This was going to happen whether he wanted it to or not. And it was indeed his fault. He should have listened to Thor, he should have talked to Steve, he should have listened to that small voice in the back of his mind when it tried to speak, he should have, he should have, he should have….

He felt disgusted as Victor let out a dreamlike sigh as he kneaded the firm globes of his bottom. His skin crawled as Victor’s fingers trailed between his cheeks and caressed his back entrance. His hand brushed between his thighs and paused.

“What the…?” Another wave of humiliation hit him when Victor let out a loud bark of laughter. “What do we have here?”

Loki felt the tears he had no idea he had been holding back trail down his cheeks as Victor forced two fingers inside of him. Victor pulled them out and spat on them before pushing them back inside.

“I knew there was something soft about you but I didn’t think it would be this.” Victor groaned and ground his erection into Loki’s left arse cheek. “We’re gonna have double the fun, right Loki?”

Victor pulled his hand away again, dipping his index and middle fingers into one of the tequila glasses. Loki cried harder when he pushed his middle finger inside his arse, tugging it out before moving to violate his vaginal walls again, alternating between the two entrances to his body.

Loki tried one last time to struggle against him, but pain flared in his skull as Victor yanked at his hair and the world grew dim as his head was slammed hard into the ground.

Deciding he had had enough, Victor hoisted his arse up in the air as best he could and began to unfasten his pants.

The last thing he heard before he blacked out was the sound of the front door crashing open.

 

\---------------

 

_Thor_

 

There were three cars already there when he pulled along the curb and threw the car into park. He got out the same time the third car’s door opened, Sigyn’s unruly dark blonde hair coming into view as she got out.

“Sigyn.”

Sigyn looked over at him and scowled mightily. “What the fuck are _you_ doing here?”

“To see Loki. I take it he’s here?”

“I’m guessing. He said he would be to my house in ten but that was half an hour ago. He missed the countdown and… you know what? I don’t have to explain anything. You’re not welcome here.”

 _That’s not for you to decide_. He didn’t have time to argue though. “Whose car is that?”

“What…car…?” Sigyn frowned. She hadn’t noticed it? “I don’t know. Maybe Victor’s?”

Thor rushed over the snow covered lawn, Sigyn hot on his tail with a frown. He had just made it to the front door when he heard her gasp.

She was staring through one of the front windows in horror.

Heart in his throat, Thor used the full brunt of his weight against the door. It gave and he stormed inside to find one of his worst nightmares in action.

Victor’s eyes snapped up and met his. One minute their eyes were locked and the next minute they were on the floor in the smashed remains of the coffee table with Thor on top.

“Loki!” He could hear Sigyn cry behind him. “Oh gods, Loki! Hold on.”

The world soon narrowed and it was just him and Victor; he brought his fists down on whatever he could reach, not feeling when Victor landed his own hits. In a desperate bid, the director’s hand shot out and closed over an empty wine bottle, quickly breaking it over Thor’s head. Thor grunted as the pain blossomed on the side of his head. He grasped Victor’s leg as he tried to crawl away and flipped him back over, his fist colliding with his face again and again.

“Thor, stop!” Sigyn ran over and tried to pull him away. “Thor!”

“Let me go!” He roared, swinging again. “Before you get hurt!”

“Stop! You’re gonna kill him, you idiot!”

“He fucking deserves it!” Another hit.

“And you’ll go to prison of manslaughter at best and murder at worst. As much as he deserves it and as much as I don’t like you, Hela still needs you!”

The thought froze him and he looked down to see Victor unconscious, blood splattered over his face. This time he went when Sigyn pulled at him just as lights flashed through the window from outside.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I'll be adding the tags a little later.
> 
> Thanks for reading.


	28. I've Seen Them Standing at the Crossroads

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from Avantasia's "Journey to Arcadia". I should probably start mentioning where I get these titles from, huh?

_Thor_

The hospital room was dimly lit when he arrived the next night. He learned from Sigyn which room Loki was in and was surprised to see no one in it or outside of it. Loki was awake when he walked in, lying on his side staring at nothing in particular. Only the movement of his eyes made Thor aware that his presence was noted.

“How – how are you?” Thor asked as he carefully pulled a chair over. He took in the bandaging on his temple and nose, as well as the bruising on his face and throat.

“Mild concussion, bruised ribs, broken nose, bruised throat, some tearing… did I miss anything?” Loki answered, voice still slightly hoarse.

“I would’ve come earlier but they wouldn’t allow anyone that wasn’t family until earlier.”

“Sigyn told me he didn’t do it, he didn’t do it because of you.”

“I wish I had come earlier like I started to.”

“I should have listened to you when you were trying to tell me about him.”

“I provoked you with that stupid and too private question, I don’t blame you for not listening. I haven’t exactly been that person to put your faith into for you.”

Loki remained quiet, still staring off into nothing. Thor tried hard not to fidget.

Eventually the silence became too much and just as Thor was about to speak again, Loki beat him to it.

“I don’t get it.”

“Pardon?”

Loki’s eyes were glassy with tears. “What have I done in this life or previous lives or whatever to deserve this?”

Thor winced.

“What have I done so wrong to deserve all that’s happened to me?” Loki sniffed and wiped at his eyes.

Thor wanted so badly to reach out to him, but didn’t know if it was appropriate or would be accepted.

“None of these things are your fault, Loki.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“ _None_ of these things were your fault! I was the imbecile that left you, there was some idiot out there who didn’t know how to fucking drive properly and caused many people including you to be hurt, and unfortunately monsters and abusers like Victor exist and prey on others every day.”

“Hela told me you were there the last time.”

Thor frowned.

“After the accident.”

“Ah.”

“I had honestly expected you to come in like you did just now. When you didn’t I think it was another reminder that you no longer cared.”

“The first thing I did when I heard was come here, I didn’t think you’d want to see me. The last thing I wanted to do was hinder your recovery.”

“She was there, wasn’t she? She was the real reason you didn’t come in.”

“I honestly didn’t notice Amora until she volunteered to distract Hela when the doctor came to discuss your injuries.”

“Does Hela know I’m in here now?”

“No, I hope to keep it that way but we both know she’s way too smart for her own good.”

“Mmh.” Loki looked tired now. “Thank you.”

“I only wish I had hit him harder.”

“Will they press charges against you?”

“Since I have a few bruises and was clocked with a wine bottle, I doubt it. But I’ll have to see for myself.”

Loki closed his eyes. “Good luck,” he murmured.

Thor stood and eased the chair back to where he found it, he turned to the exit to find Sigyn looking at him like she tasted something sour. She waited until he was outside with her before speaking.

“He told me about the little arrangement you two have.”

“It makes Hela ecstatic to have us both with her.”

“I don’t want to think that you’d stoop so low, but I’m willing to give you the benefit of the doubt because of yesterday. If you’re using that poor little girl just to get closer to Loki –“

Thor felt a flare of anger rise up within him. “I may have done a few mindless and outright condemnable decisions in the past that I’m trying to rectify, but _how dare you_ think that I would manipulate my daughter’s wishes to suit an imaginary agenda.”

“Be that as it may, I still don’t trust you. I’ve seen the way you look at him. The last thing he needs is to take you back, he needs to move on.”

“And look how well that’s turned out!” Thor waved in the general direction of Loki’s room.

Sigyn looked a little guilty.

“I’m trying, Sigyn. I really am. I’m trying to pull my head out of my ass and I think I’m about halfway there. I want Loki to be happy just like you do. And I’ll admit that I hope that he could be happy with me again once I’ve proven myself enough.”

“And that’s just it. You weren’t all that back then and you’re nowhere near good enough now.”

Thor chuckled, somewhat bitter. “You never liked me much did you?”

Sigyn snorted. “Not one bit, golden boy. And I always looked like a bitch when I didn’t fall at your feet like everyone else. Good for me and bad for Loki, you proved me right.”

“So where do we go from here?” Sigyn inquired after a while.

“I honestly have no idea. It’s all up to Loki.”

“Mmh.”

“Do you think I have a chance?”

“Really?” Sigyn deadpanned. “After what you’ve done? You think one good deed suddenly rectifies that?”

“That’s not what I asked.”

“As narcissistic and oafish as ever.” Sigyn flexed her jaw. “I think we both know the answer to that question, whether we like it or not.”

The freckled blonde pushed past him and went into the room.

Thor sighed. He needed to head back home, he promised Hela that he would watch a marathon of some boy with a hat and his dog. He felt a substantial presence and turned to find Farbauti standing next to him, looking into Loki’s room.

How had she gotten here so quietly and what exactly had she heard?

He fought the urge to shiver; he wasn’t kidding when he says that the woman intimidated him, and she only came to his shoulder at best.

“It could’ve been even worse.” Her accent was thicker than Loki’s, as she wasn’t a woman of many words, and her voice was throaty.

Thor hummed in agreement, in truth he was afraid to speak.

“Tack dig.”

Thor wracked his brain hard before he came up with a response. “V – varsågod?”

One of the corners of Farbauti’s mouth lifted oh so slightly.

She went inside and Thor’s rigid posture relaxed as the tension left him.

 

\------------------

 

Thor’s phone rang just as he pulled into his driveway. It was Jane.

“Hello?”

“How are you?”

“Could be better.”

“Well, I’d hate to add to it, but Maria, Coulson, and I have been talking and I want you to know that we’ve been keeping the media at bay so far but what happened yesterday will probably be all over the place soon.”

Thor rubbed at his forehead. “Shit.”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t care too much what is said about me and Victor should have been exposed long ago, but both of you work with Maria to protect Loki as much as possible.”

“Will do,” he heard the smile in her voice. “Tell him I said get well soon, and I’ll call you tomorrow with any updates.”

“Alright.” He would ask her about any possible charges when she called him the next day, all he wanted to do now was spend time with his daughter.

“Good night, Thor.”

“Good night, Jane.”

Thor hung up with a sigh and pushed back a few strands that slipped free of his ponytail.

What a mess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tack dig - Thank you  
> Varsågod - You're welcome (roughly in response to a thank you)
> 
>  
> 
> I believe we're about halfway there now!
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	29. Road to Recovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit of a transition chapter, but I hope it's interesting enough for you all. This week has been a rough one.

_  
_Loki_ _

 

Dressing this morning felt like going a long time without practicing his yoga. His muscles were still sore and he felt the stretch as he pulled his shirt over his head. The doctors had kept him for another day before granting him his leave to recover at home.  He shuddered at the thought of going back there.

“There is a few of them out front, we’ll be going through the back entrance.” His mor muttered in their native tongue. “I don’t know how much they know but perhaps you should speak with Maria. First things first though, we need to pack some clothes for you. I don't plan on letting you out of my sight.”

Loki felt a sense of relief.  He’d have to move out of that place as soon as possible -  the memories of that night would not let him live in peace if he were to stay there. At the same time he felt immense guilt, his mor was working again and the last thing she needed was to put her life on hold  _again_  just to make sure he was alright. She co-owned a small, but often busy practice with a friend she had met in medicine school after she decided to further her education. He felt sorry for Jarnsaxa, even if she had reassured both his mor and him that it was fine.

Even if he was dreading going back to the house alone, he couldn’t impose on her. He didn’t know how things were going with Sigyn and Steve so he was definitely not intruding there - and the others had their own lives as well. He was a grown man, he would soldier through it. “Mother, I know you care, but you can’t keep rushing after me  when things go wrong.”

Farbauti opened her mouth to speak but Loki interrupted her opposition.

“I – you aren't going to always be there to play nursemaid to me.”

“It’s not me being a nursemaid, Loki! I just want to make sure you’re okay. Yes, I’m not going to be here forever but isn't that enough reason for me to come to your aid now?”

“I shudder to think what you left behind these last few days to come visit me; you’re usually booked solid after New Year’s. So Mother, yes, feel free to check up on me, but no, I can’t stay with you.”

“You can stay with us, Papa!” Loki and Farbauti whipped around to find Hela and Thor standing in the doorway.

Loki grimaced; he didn't know how long she’d been there and regardless of whether they spoke in Swedish or not, she would still understand them. Thor just looked confused because of his basic language proficiency and a bit taken aback by her outburst.

Hela looked up at him. “Right, Daddy? We have the room and we can both look after him.”

Thor nodded immediately. “We can set him up on the ground floor so he doesn’t have to climb up and down the stairs.”

And for the million time in the last few weeks he thought,  _I don’t think that’s a good idea._

His mor voiced that thought. “I don’t think that is a good idea. He’s coming with me and Hela is free to come visit him.”

Thor winced and his daughter looked downright crestfallen. “But – but.” Hela whispered, looking down at the ground.

“I have to go and pack up some clothes, are you parked out back or will Mor have to drop me off?” The lengths he would go to keep his daughter happy was astounding.

“Loki, no.”

He turned to his mother. “It’ll be fine. I can move for the most part and if I continue to wear these,” he motioned to the glasses he was wearing. “I should be okay, and if not, I’m sure Thor will be the first to let you know if I'm unable to.”

“He wasn't able to take care of you the first time, what make you think he could this time?”

Ah, there’s the crux of the matter.

“Mor, not here. Not in front of her.” Loki muttered in her ear.

Farbauti’s lips tightened into a thing, pale line.

“If anything goes wrong or I can’t handle it then I will call and we'll arrange for me to stay with you. Deal?”

His mother looked over at Thor then down at Hela, who was staring up at her with pleading eyes. She stepped away from him and nodded stiffly. “I will be calling twice a day. I’ll email him typed out instructions on how to care for his injuries. And you will follow them down to the punctuation marks. I’ll also need your address because I  _will_ be stopping by and when I can’t, Frigga will.” She eyed all three of them. “Am I understood?”

“Yes, ma’am.” They chorused.

Her eyes flashed up at Loki in something akin to sheepishness. “There are a few teens that came in due to alcohol poisoning.”

He would snort, but since his nose had seen better days - he wouldn’t risk it.

“I will be calling later. You’re parked out back?”

“Yes, ma’am.” Thor nodded.

“Keep those vultures away from my son and granddaughter.” Farbauti stood on the tips of her toes to kiss Loki on his unbandaged temple and walked over to bend down to the same for Hela.

When she was gone, Hela ran over and clasped his hand into hers. “Me and Daddy will take care of you.”

Loki looked over at Thor.  _Don’t make me regret this._

Thor cleared his throat. “Shall we?”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

_Thor_

 

This hadn’t been what he was expecting when he first woke up this morning. He's shocked that Loki was still here. Hela had overheard him speaking over the phone to his mother about Loki’s condition earlier and she was borderline inconsolable until Thor finally relented to the idea of a quick visit. The poor girl was going to be spoiled rotten by the time she hit her teens.

“Has she been crying?” Loki asked him in a quiet voice.

“She overheard me talking on the phone. She was worried about you.”

“We’re terrible at keeping these things from her. She’s still so young.”

“But not stupid." Thor countered. "The intelligence you passed on will be our undoing as her parents.”

Even if they were tinted dark by the sunglasses he wore, he was sure that Loki had rolled his eyes.

 

Thor buckled Hela in while Loki made himself as comfortable as possible in the passenger seat. He saw the first guy with a camera just as he was pulling out and he almost peeled out of the back lot.

The drive to Loki’s place was quiet once Hela fell asleep in the back - the crying must have worn her out.

“She worries so much about us.” Thor commented as he followed Loki up the path leading to the front door.

“With all that’s happened to me I can see why, I hate to be the cause of her worrying.”

“If this is a roundabout way of saying this is all your fault again we’re gonna have words. And besides, is it a crime to worry about you? It means we care.”

\--------------

_Loki_

Thor had the good grace to walk right beside him to block the view of the living room as he helped him shuffle up the stairs. He had to pause at the top for a moment to catch his breath and ease the brunt of the soreness between his legs.

He didn’t know how long this was going to take, so he loaded Thor up with traveling bags filled with some of everything: from clothes and bedding to his notebooks to his toiletries. He heaved up his guitar case and his computer bag and lead them out, making slow progress out to the running car. Loki eased the guitar case on the backseat next to Hela and went to settle back into a position that didn’t have him cringing on the passenger’s seat as Thor put the rest of his things in the trunk.

“We need to talk to my team and Maria today, see what we can do about this. I’m not sure about the damage yet, but if it’s any consolation, I told them to focus entirely on you.” Thor mentioned as he got into the car and put it in reverse.

Loki groaned. “This is the last thing I need.” His eyes widened. “Thor, if anyone found out about me –“

“I’m sure they won’t, and I’ve told you there’s nothing wrong with you.”

“Even if that was the case, this is something ‘normal’ people can’t really grasp. It’s not just the case of my career, but my safety as well. Who knows how the public will react.”

“And that’s why I have Jane and Coulson focusing on you. I don’t care about what they say about me. Not anymore. It’s not worth it like it I thought it would.”

“You’re learning. Somewhat.”

“I’d like to think so.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	30. Tell Me What We're Gonna Do Now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the delay, last week was packed with several exams and papers to write!
> 
> Title comes from a song of the same name by Joss Stone.
> 
> Any mistakes are my own and if you spot any please let me know.

_Loki_

 

 

The set up and rearrangement of the room left him out of breath and more than a little sore.

“I told you that I could have done it.” Thor rolled his eyes.

“I was not having you go anywhere near my _unmentionables_ and you know nothing of how to set a room up. I’m sure Frigga had a hand it what’s out there.” He gestured to the outside of the room.

He saw Thor flush just slightly.

“Hmm.”

There was a pause before Thor went over and closed the door.

“Did the police come and ask questions?”

“I sent them on their way.”

He really didn’t want to talk about this, but without Hela as a much needed distraction he wasn’t getting out of it.

“Loki, you need to go give a proper statement. Put that monster behind bars.”

“No.”

“Loki-“

“Thor-“

Thor sat on the edge of the bed closest to him. “You need this to show that men like him should be put behind bars.”

“And show to the world that I’m some kind of freak!”

“ _You’re not a freak! Stop it!_ ”

He shook his head; Thor just didn’t understand. He wasn’t like _this_.

“The case could be closed to the public, Loki. You know things aren’t allowed to leave the court. Why let him get away with this?”

“Imagine how that would look to people? Yes, they don’t know about my…anatomy, but I’m still a man to them and me almost being raped by another man?” Loki shook his head, just the thought of that amount of ridicule made him nauseous.

“Then you’ll be just another statistic of men that are too afraid to report wrong done against them. For Christ’s sake Sigyn told me that you had a couple of different traces of drugs in your system. Not only will he be seen as a monster but he will be a coward as well. He wasn’t strong enough to straight out force you, he had to have you under the influence.”

He bit his lip. Maybe Thor was on to something. He’d been training since the accident, shadow boxing being among his favorites. Victor abused his trust in order to make sure he wouldn’t get his ass kicked. He allowed himself to relax a little.

“I just – this is the second time I’ve seen this happen and I wasn’t able to help the first victim but I’ll do everything in my power to aid you.”

Loki tensed again. “There was someone else?”

Thor nodded, his eyes determined. “With men like him, there’s always someone else. It was what I tried to tell you but ended up botching it up like an idiot with my question. It was a PA that was an inspiring actress years ago. She left the bar with him one night we were drinking and on my way back to my room I saw her staggering out of the door out of it and in tears.” Thor’s jaw clenched. “If I had only went through the crowd to find her, this probably wouldn’t have happened. But then again,” he sighed “If she had gone for help he probably would have accused her of lying and only trying to get back at him because she was hoping to get a part in a future project. People like that will always try to find a way to escape punishment by blaming and discrediting the victim.”

Loki sighed, this only cemented the fact that he should’ve paid attention to all the signs. It was his own fault that he was here right now, beat up and violated.

“The evidence of what was done to you is irrefutable. He’s going to be locked up if you take this to trial.”

“But for how long, Thor? A year, two? Or will he get community service and probation? He’s a rich and respected director Thor!”

“And what if you coming out with this encourages possible others? Maybe Ella will find the courage to step up once she sees she’s not alone. You’re not only helping his past victims, but you’re preventing future ones.”

He just didn’t know, and he told Thor such.

“He’s still in some hospital as far as I know and he’s probably not going anywhere for a while. Just seriously think on it, Loki.”

Suddenly, the instrumental to a _very familiar_ song breached the silence between them. His face covered with a heavy blush, Thor answered the phone.

“Jane? Yeah. Okay, good.” He winced. “Okay, we can work on that. We still don’t know, he hasn’t decided to press charges yet.” A sigh. “I hope the bastard stays that way.” Another, more pronounced sigh. “Fine. Tell Maria not to bother, I’ll tell him myself and I’ll call you later. Okay. Bye.”

Loki offered a small smile. “So you’re becoming a Mischief fan, mh?”

“Shut up.”

Loki laughed, it felt good to do so after what he’s been through. “ _Call Your Name_ was one of the hardest songs I’ve ever written, but also one of the best in my opinion. I love performing it live.”

“I’d love to know more about your process and performing, but that was my publicist and she called with good news and semi bad news.”

“What’s going on?”

“Good news is that so far no one really knows what happened.”

Loki let out a relieved breath. Good, he could maintain his brittle dignity for a little longer. “Semi bad news?”

“We were seen leaving the hospital with Hela today and there’s already a few articles out there speculating whether or not we’ve gotten back together. The pictures were blurry so they couldn’t properly see any injuries on you or me.”

Loki flopped down with a huff and immediately regretted as several different aches and pains lanced through him. “Shit.”

“Though it’s only a half a backup plan, Jane said Coulson thinks we should let their imaginations run wild and use that to cover what’s really going on.”

“That’s a dangerous game to play, Thor.”

“But would you rather they somehow figure out the truth before you’re ready?”

“I don’t think I’ll ever be ready, Thor.”

“But is this idea better than the alternative?”

Loki sighed. “I’m tired. Let me nap on it.”

Thor stood. “Of course. I’m sure your mor will be here later to bring your prescriptions.”

Loki toed off his shoes and gingerly climbed under the sheets.

What a mess.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_Thor_

 

He closed the door gently behind him and began to pace around the first floor. As much as he would like to see Victor get more of what he deserves, he won’t continue to badger Loki into taking this to court. There had to be some type of saying out there that pushing the victim will only drive them away.

“Daddy?”

Thor stopped and looked up to see Hela at the top of the stairs, rubbing at her one of her eyes.

Thor smiled and jogged up the stairs to pick her up. “How was your nap, baby girl?”

Hela pouted. “I’m not a baby.”

“You’ll _always_ be my baby.”

Hela stuck her tongue out at him, both blondes giggling.

“Are you hungry?”

Hela shook her head. “Mor is here, right? I wasn’t dreaming?”

He walked down the stairs, heading towards the living room. “Yeah, but he’s taking a nap too. I bet he’ll be happy to see you when he gets up.”

“Will he be okay?” Hela asked quietly.

“Yeah,” Thor replied, his voice equally as soft. “He’ll be fine, baby girl.”

He plopped down on one of the plush sofas and turned on the television, quickly flipping to her favorite channel. “Would you like your apple juice?”

She nodded.

Thor jogged out of the living room and into the kitchen, retrieving one of her juice boxes and shuffling back to where SpongeBob and Patrick were trying to aggressively sell chocolate. He took off the straw and put it in for her.

“Here you go.”

“Thank you, Daddy.”

They watched the episode in comfortable silence and when it went to commercial, Hela looked up at her father.

“Do you think he’ll like it here?”

“You’re here, what’s not to love?”

Hela smiled.

“I love you, Daddy.”

“I love you, too.” He placed a sound kiss on her forehead.

He wondered exactly where Coulson was going with this whole bait people with the possibility of them being a couple to take attention of what happened to Loki. Would that draw them to Victor’s monstrous transgressions instead of distracting them from it? And if it did succeed in being a good enough distraction, how would he handle it? He and Loki both knew how he felt, so would they exacerbate those feelings even with that knowledge?

_What a mess._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	31. Is it my goal, is it your goal?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from the song "Are You That Somebody?" by Aaliyah. Any mistakes are my own and if they're glaring please let me know!

_Loki_

 

He was only awake for a few moments when he heard the telltale pattering of small footsteps outside the door. It slid open almost silently and a little blonde head poked its way inside. Hela’s big blue eyes widened in pleasant surprise, but instead of bounding her way over and squealing in excitement, she smiled brightly (and oh Thor could _never_ deny that she was his) and tiptoed her way over.

“Hi, Mommy.” Hela whispered in his native tongue.

It made Loki smile despite the ache it caused. He sat up as best he could and patted the space beside him.

“Hello, darling.” He responded in kind, wrapping his arms around her once she got settled in next him.

“Are you okay?”

Not really, but he’ll live. “I’m fine.”

Hela pursed her lips, but didn’t comment on his lie. “I don’t like that you got hurt, but I’m happy you’re here.”

Loki leaned down and kissed her forehead.

“There you are.”

They both looked up to find Thor standing at the door’s entrance with a tray in hand.

“Daddy!”

“I’m not sure if this really fits but I have some soup and apple sauce for you.” Thor smiled and stepped inside cautiously.

“No drink?”

Thor’s smile dropped, causing Hela and Loki to snicker.

“I’ll get it.” Hela shimmied out of Loki’s arms and bounded towards the door, easing past Thor into the hall.

“It’s right on the counter, your stepstool should still be there. Be careful, use the holder, and don’t run back!” Thor called after her. “Have you thought about Coulson’s idea?” He placed the tray on the table next to the bed.

Loki nodded. “I want to hear about it in detail before I agree on anything.”

“Fair enough. I’ll give him a call in a bit.”

“I take it that since she wasn’t here when I woke up that my mor hasn’t been here yet?”

The echo of the doorbell sounded.

“I think she is now.” Thor sighed. “Do you need help or –“

“I’m not disabled, Thor. I can feed myself.” He had been _just_ _like this_ whenever Loki had gotten sick when they were together.

He watched as Thor padded out the room and reached over to ease the tray to the edge and into his hands. It was tomato soup from Pacific Foods. His favorite. He wondered if Thor already had this in his kitchen or if he went out and bought it while he was napping.

“Here you go, Mor.” Hela placed a mug with a holder on the bottom to prevent him from being burned on the table.

“Thanks, Hel.”

“Grandma’s here.”

“I am.” Frigga’s smile was golden as she appeared in the doorway, holding up a bag. “Your mor was quite busy so she rang me.”

Thank the stars, he could feel the various aches and pains slowly catching up to him.

Frigga gave him a sound kiss on the forehead, then on each temple. “How are you, my boy?’

There was always something dear about Frigga - his own mor loved him dearly, but her affection was somewhat stilted at times, no doubt a product of his far’s sudden death years ago. He hated to see her suffer still after all these years - he doesn’t recall ever seeing another man around or alluded to, and remarriage was certainly out of the question for her. He truly needed an in-depth talk with her without him or Hela being the main topic.

Frigga was a very caring and affectionate woman and she had more than enough kindness to give, which she did freely to those she felt deserving. He’d seen the opposite side of that one time when he and Thor accompanied her to the South End Farmer’s Market one year; they’d been going to the market for years prior and he and Thor went mostly ignored. That year however, while she was browsing different selections of the most beautiful flowers when she picked up on a woman’s errant comment about Thor brushing a lock of Loki’s hair out of his face and planting a small kiss on his head.

He saw her but hadn’t heard the comment and Thor had been oblivious to her presence completely, but they did see Frigga calmly making her way over to the woman as if she was on a light stroll. He also didn’t know what Frigga had said, but the woman’s lips were paled and thinned by the time she stalked out of the area designated for the vendor. She never did tell them what she said and she came back to sniff at the soft petals of the spring bouquets as if nothing happened.

He would always be honored to be her third son in spirit and he would always think of her as a second mother, regardless of what happened between him and Thor. He made a mental note to speak with her as well.

“Has my son been taking care of you?”

“It’s only been a few hours.” Thor complained, stepping into the room.

“It’s never too early for me to check in.” Frigga ruffled through the small paper bag, pulling out a bottle and reading the label. “Ah, this should help with the pain. One every eight hours. You should eat before you take it.”

“I’m working on it.” He motioned towards the tray with his spoon.

“Thor? Would you mind hunting down a pen and pad?”

Thor frowned in confusion but did as he was bid.

Frigga turned to her granddaughter. “Have you been studying your words?”

Hela grinned. “Yes, ma’am.”

“And you’re going to get them correct?”

Hela nodded eagerly.

“She’s such a bright child.” Frigga ran a hand through her unruly blonde hair. “She’s going to do great things when she’s older.”

“I know.” Loki smiled. “I’ll always be proud of her.”

“As will I.” Thor handed the pen and pad to his mother.

“That was rather quick. How much damage did you have to do in order to find it?” Frigga asked as she began to make a list.

Thor stuck his tongue out at her. “There’s a few papers I have to put back.”

“A few.” Frigga huffed before turning her attention to Loki, her perfect brows rising. “You’re done already?”

Loki blushed as Thor picked up the tray from his lap. “I’m not as I was before. It’s hard to feel full these days.”

Hela handed over the mug.

“Tea?” Loki peered into the mug.

Hela nodded.

 “It’s still four sugars and a splash of milk?”

Loki nodded, sighing with the first sip. He took the pill Frigga offered and downed it with a grimace.

“This is a list of things for you to pick up at the store. He should stick to soups and softer foods for his throat but he should be able to eat properly sooner rather than later.” Frigga ripped the paper off and handed to her son before digging in the bag. “And Farbauti asked me to give you this.”

Thor took the folded paper. “It must be the instructions she mentioned.”

Frigga stood up and held a hand out to Hela. “If you’ll be all right for the next hour or so then Hela and I will be continuing her studies. Let’s see if you truly studied you words.”

Hela pouted at her grandmother’s teasing. “I’ll show you.” She leaned over and kissed Loki on the cheek before taking her hand and heading up to her study room.

Loki sipped at his tea and watched as Thor pulled out his phone. “Should I call Maria?”

“Actually, I’ll go grab my laptop quickly and we’ll do a video call.”

Loki nodded. “Could you get my messenger bag?”

“Of course.” Thor went to the other side of the room and retrieved it. “I’ll be back momentarily.”

Loki set the call up in his absence.

“Loki?” Maria peered into the camera. “How are you feeling?”

“I’ve had better days. The medicine is supposed to make me drowsy so the quicker we can get this done before I clonk out, the better.”

Thor already had his laptop open when he came back in, closing the door. “How are we going to do this?”

“I guess you settle up here and sort of tilt it my way and I’ll do the same.”

He tried not to let the close proximity of Thor get to him as he settled in.

“How are you, Loki?” Coulson asked once he got a good look at him.

“I’m fine. Thanks for asking.”

“I’ve ran the idea by Maria; I hope Thor ran it by you?”

“He did.”

“What do you think?”

“How would this work?”

“It’s easy, once you’re better recovered we’ll just have you out and about. Perhaps once or twice a week while you guys are still in town. Thor’s got a few reshoots coming up near the end of February.”

“And due to his condition we predict that Mischief will be back on the road for their second leg by mid-March.”

Loki frowned. “I’ll be healed much quicker than that, Maria!”

“Doc’s orders.”

“You mean my mor’s orders?”

“Yep. Though I agree, it’s better to be safe than sorry.”

“Back to the plan,” Coulson cut in. “Perhaps a hand on or arm around the shoulder, fingers on the wrist, a smile or two at each other.”

“You also know that Loki will be perceived as the reason Thor and Amora separated?”

“Compare that to what Loki is trying to avoid. Unless there’s another idea on the table?”

“What if I wanted to press charges?” He could feel Thor’s eyes boring into the side of his face.

“Then this plan would be rather moot if you do it sooner rather than later. Do you plan to?”

“It’s just on the table for thought at the moment.”

 “Would you like to carry on with this idea until you’re ready to press charges?” Maria asked. “Victor’s absence has been noticed and the media is starved to know what happened and they’ll probably be turning their eyes to you. You were spotted together a time or two.”

“This is going to be a circus, isn’t it?”

“This _isn’t_ going to spin out of control.” Maria assured. “This is why we’re talking to you now. So we’ll have a plan to tackle this.”

“You’ve been rather quiet. I take it you agree with my plan, Thor?”

“Whatever is needed to help Loki get past this.”

“Okay.” Coulson nodded. “We’ll give it a week for some of the bruising to fade and then we’ll get some concealer on you and dial up a team from _Asgard Weekly_. Or would you rather go smaller?”

“Smaller than _Asgard_ but not obscure.”

“ _Midgardian Post_?” Maria suggested. “It’s actually based out of Boston.”

Thor looked over to Loki for confirmation. He wasn’t ready for this, any of this and it could all end badly when their history comes back to haunt them even more than it already did. But then again, he hadn’t been ready to become a mor or be the lead vocalist for Mischief once they got the attention of a major label either. “Okay.”

“We’ll find a small café near here and get back to you with the location.” Thor said.

“Alrighty then. Let us know as soon as possible. I hope you recover fast, Loki. I say that not as your manager/publicist but as a childhood friend.”

“And as your childhood friend and not your client, thank you.” Loki responded.

“Get well soon.” Coulson added.

“Thank you.”

Both of their laptops had popups informing them that the other line was disconnected.

“Are you sure you’re up for this? It hasn’t been put in motion yet.”

“No, I’m not sure. But this could have the results we want, especially when the media comes flying to the hospital Victor’s in.”

He sat almost mesmerized at the intense and sincere look in Thor’s eyes. “If at any point you feel uncomfortable with anything I do when we’re out there, let me know immediately.”

Loki nodded.

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

“Good. Should I leave you alone or would you like me to help you out to the living room?”

“I could use a little television, I guess.”

“Your boring history shows?”

“One, they’re _documentaries_ ; two, they aren’t boring; and three, at least they aren’t montages of middle-aged women falling and men of different ages being hit in the testicles.”

Thor let out a barking laugh as he helped him up. “Loki?”

“Yes?”

“We really are glad you’re here, regardless of the circumstances.”

He honestly didn’t know what to say to that.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	32. Lunch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the wait but this time it was a bit of writer's block that postponed this chapter. Any mistakes are my own and don't hesitate to let me know if there are some.

_January 12, 2017_

_Thor_

Thor sighed as he parked the car. “Are you sure about this?”

Loki took a deep breath, eyeing the errant passerby or two armed with cameras. “Yes, let’s get this over with, shall we?”

They exited the car and when they both cleared the hood Thor placed a large hand on Loki’s arm just above his elbow.

“Thor! Loki! How are you today?” At least they were more polite than the assholes in Los Angeles.

“Thor, we heard about the reshoots this February…”

_Click. Click. Click._

“Are you two getting back together?”

_Click. Click._

“Does this mean that the divorce with Amora is going to be final?”

_Click. Click._

If Loki felt his hand tighten substantially he didn’t say anything.

“Loki does this mean that your whirlwind romance with Victor von Doom is over?”

When he felt Loki stiffen he quickly ushered him up the stairs and inside the café, the sounds of the cameras dulling with the new barrier.

“Should we sit up front –“

“No.”

“Let’s find a table then.”

They picked a spot that was still beside a window, but was further in the back of the small café.

They were joined by a petite blonde and it was obvious that she knew who they were, but it was a small mercy that she only smiled and asked for what they wanted.

He sat back in his seat and waited for Loki to order first.

“I’ll have a Chai latte and a chocolate croissant.”

“And I’ll have some orange juice, a roast beef sandwich, and a chocolate muffin.”

“We’ll get right on it.” The waitress assured as she finished jotting down their orders.

They watched as she hurried away.

 “Loki?”

“I was expecting that, but then again, I wasn’t expecting it.”

“It’s something we’ll have to get used to. Or we could always stop.”

Loki shook his head and eyed Thor pensively.

“What?”

“When they asked you about Amora you nearly cut off my circulation.”

“That’s an overstatement.”

“Was she the one that filed?”

“No.”

“Then why did you?”

Thor leaned back in his chair, pondering the question and figuring out the best way to answer without causing too much tension. They did have an act to keep up.

“I wasn’t happy. I shouldn’t drag her down with that.” He finally settled on.

“You weren’t happy?” Loki pursed his lips. “You dropping partners because they make you ‘unhappy’ after a few years is quite the trend now, mh?”

“It’s not like that, Loki.”

“You were happy enough to marry her, but not happy enough to make it work is what you’re saying?”

“Would you and her prefer I dragged it out until we were both miserable? I’ve hurt enough people in my life already. It may hurt her now, but it’s better that it be now than for the next several years of seeing me pull away and eventually leave anyway.”

“Here you go.” The waitress was back with their food and drinks, her smile still in place as she placed their respective orders in front of them. “If you need anything else I’m right up there.”

“Thank you.” They said in unison.

Loki waited until she walked away before speaking. “If she felt anything close to what I felt, she’ll be in pain for a very long time.”

“Loki, could this not wait until we are away from such a public place?”

“And be in the vicinity for Hela to hear?”

“Better her than random strangers.”

There was a tense silence that followed as they ate, Thor taking hearty bites out of his sandwich as Loki picked at his croissant and sipped at his drink. Not one for long stretches of quiet off set, Thor tried to think of something they could talk about without bringing up much of the past here.

“You never did tell me what your process is like.” He eventually said between bites.

“My process?”

“Song-writing.” Thor sat back. “I had an idea of what it was like when we were younger, but it must be different now that it’s what you do for a living. What is it like?”

He watched as Loki’s posture straightened but also relaxed, his eyes taking on a hazy glint. It was how he got when he told stories. It was nice to know that some things never changed.

“I don’t really think of it as a process; I just write whenever I’m struck with inspiration. When we were younger it was just a way to get my thoughts down on paper, but now…” Loki shook his head with a small smile. “It’s morphed into something else. I mean, I still put my feelings into words the best I can manage, but now it seems as though I go to different worlds entirely. I’m writing about a lonely traveler and suddenly I become that lonely traveler; I’m writing about the stars and suddenly I’m strolling among them; I’m writing about hope for the future and even at my worst I’m entrenched in that light feeling.” Loki’s smile turns into a full on grin and Thor’s heart skips a beat. “I know I must terrify the others when I lock myself away for hours or days on end sometimes but I come out with a sense of accomplishment and a natural calm I get only from spending time with Sigyn, my mor, or Hela. I can’t describe it any better than that.”

“I think you did a spectacular job. The way you spoke…” Thor shook his head, at a loss for words. “I can see why they praise you for your talent.”

“They?”

Thor flushed. Damn, he hadn’t meant to word it like that. He didn’t want to come off as some type of stalker. “Tony goes nuts over your lyrics. And judging by the crowd back in England, they all seem to think the same. And I’ve been listening to more and more of _Mischief_ and I think they’re right. Sigyn and the others complement your style of singing and writing perfectly and you all must be so glad you grew up together instead of having to seek each other out –“

“You’re rambling, Thor.”

He shut up instantly. He was never going to let himself live that down. “I-“

“Thank you.” Loki said sincerely. “I thought you were rather sublime in _Thieves_ and from what I’ve seen of your television show.”

Thor’s jaw nearly dropped. “You’ve seen those?”

Loki nodded. “You’re quite popular among the _Mischief_ crew. Particularly the female portion. I’ve been dragged to the theater and I’ve caught an episode or two on someone’s laptop during sound checks.”

Thor fought the urge to flush. The show was a mixture of political planning and clashing, war, brotherhood, and the pillaging of both villages and women. Thor’s character was rather fond of the pillaging of the women and the director had no qualms with having it air within the limits. Loki had to have seen at least one of those scenes. Oh heavens…

“Did you hear me, you oaf?”

Thor snapped out of his thoughts. “What?”

“You asked about my process. It’s only fair, yes?”

“It usually differs depending on the role.”

“How about for those two characters?”

“For Rhy it’s rather simple since he’s rather closely related to me. A lot of the time I was on set I thought of how I would feel and what would I do as well as what he would feel and what he would do and try to really mesh the two. As for Kol…” This time there was no stopping the blush that slowly spread across his cheeks and he could see the grin forming on Loki’s lips. “It’s a big testosterone thing, really. I start off by reading a few tales in this collection I found while researching the part and then I do a few exercises to get the blood flowing and uh…”

“ _And_? I didn’t hold back, why should you?” Loki leaned forward with that shit eating grin and crossed his arms on the table.

Thor gulped down the rest of his orange juice and considered flagging down the waitress for another. “I feel that the aggression I need on the set is best translated through the screen when I’m a bit… y’know… wanting.”

“No, I don’t know. What do you mean by wanting?”

“Yes, you do know. _Wanting_.”

Oh how he wished the floor would swallow him whole right now as he watched the sudden clarity in Loki’s eyes.

“Ah, _that_ type of wanting. Should I ask?”

“Please don’t.” He was _not_ going to tell Loki about his internet history nor will he speak about the daydreams that would start out as Amora or some other woman but morph into Loki with a speed that startled him.

“Are we done here?” Loki gestured at the table.

Thor nodded and caught the waitress’ eye, gesturing for the check.

“We’re still going to have that chat?”

Loki pursed his lips. “I’m not sure we should.”

“We need to.”

Loki looked like he was going to decline again, but to Thor’s relief he sighed instead. “Fine.”

The waitress came by with their check and Thor wasted no time sliding his card into the fold. Loki raised a brow but didn’t say anything, choosing to pull out a few bills for the tip. When the waitress brought the card and receipt back for him to sign, she looked back and forth between them sheepishly before pulling out her phone. “Would you mind?”

Thor looked at Loki, he rarely minded, but he didn’t know how Loki handled fans. At Loki’s nod, he turned to the woman. “Of course not.”

The waitress, _Jessie_ was on her nametag, giggled as they stood on either side of her. She snagged the other waitress on duty, an older woman, and held her phone out to her.

“Could you take a picture for me?”

The second waitress, Karen, sighed fondly but took the phone. She snapped twice before handing it back to Jessie before nodding and heading to the back to retrieve a pitcher of tea.

“Thank you guys. Kol is my favorite Viking and you’re my favorite singer.”

“Thanks, Jessie.” Thor said, it was always nice to know that someone enjoyed his work.

Jessie flushed at the use of her name.

“Thank you.” Loki nodded.

Thor led them out to the flickering of the cameras but this time they tuned it out as best they could, and Thor was backing out of the lot in no time.

“Do you think it worked?”

“We’ll just have to see, won’t we?”

Loki was already closing off from him. It would make their talk that much more unpleasant than it already promised to be. Despite this, Thor would go through with his request - they would never be able to move forward if they couldn’t come to terms with their past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll have to look back to see if I mentioned the names of Thor's characters but I'm not sure I did. If you can recall off the top of your head let me know but otherwise there they are.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	33. Truth Is

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't know what happened, but this chapter truly got away from me, but I think it's in a good way. You get some more details from Thor.
> 
> Chapter title comes from the Fantasia song of the same title.
> 
> Any lapses or mistakes are my own and please let me know if there are any.

_Loki_

Loki headed to his designated room as soon as they arrived while Thor poked his head in to the living room to check up on Hela and ask Steve to keep her occupied for just a while longer. He sat at the head of the bed after discarding his shoes, curling into himself by the pillows, wincing at the aches that have become familiar to him. He would need to take his medication soon. He didn’t know why Thor wanted to have this talk _yet again_ ; it was just going to end the same: with him asking the same questions and Thor giving the same answers, leaving Loki frayed and even more confused as to where he went wrong.

He didn’t have much time to contemplate it, because Thor entered the room with a determined look and was now closing the door to give them a bit more privacy. He watched as the large blond sat down at the edge of the bed a fair distance away from him.

“I would like for us to get past all of this, Loki.”

_What?_

Thor held up a hand and explained himself further. “I’m not saying that we forget what’s happened in the past, but we should take the lessons learned from it and strive for a better future.”

“Are you hearing what you’re saying? The only lesson I’ve learned from all those years ago is to not trust you.”

Thor ran a hand through his hair and scowled, most likely at himself. Oh boy, three sentences in and he’s already frustrated and Loki’s already outraged. It had to be a new record.

“I’m not as good at words as you are and what I say isn’t doesn’t always capture everything that I mean.” Thor turned to better look at Loki. “I hurt you. Bad. Unbelievably so. I would honestly give everything I have now to go back in time and change what I’ve done, but I can’t. And I want to fix things so badly but I just don’t know how.”

“Have you ever considered the possibility that this can’t be fixed?”

“Have you ever considered the possibility that it could?”

Loki said nothing.

“We _can_ fix this, Loki.”

“No we can’t.”

“Yes, we can.”

“And how do you suggest we do that?” Loki snapped.

“By speaking nothing but the truth to each other.”

“The truth?” Loki sat up and glared daggers at Thor. “You want the truth? Fine, we’ll speak nothing but the truth and here it is: you left me for a job. You found out I was pregnant but you married that bimbo anyway.” Loki shook his head. “You’ve waited all this time. Why now? Why don’t you just try to move on again?”

“We hadn’t see each other or even spoken until last May, Loki. And that was by chance!”

“And you hadn’t tried to initiate the contact any time before then!”

“Goodness Loki, _I have_!”

Loki froze. “What?”

“I did. I tried to get in touch with you.”

“When?” His voice was quiet.

“For a time after I found out you were pregnant. Before I married Amora.” Thor chuckled humorlessly. “I should have known you’d know nothing about it.”

“What are you talking about, Thor?”

“At first I tried to get to you through my mother. I guess there was still tension between her and your mor so she was never really able to relay any of my messages to you. When that fell through I tried getting in touch with you through Maria. I had forgotten that you were close friends before she became your manager as well; she must have held a well-deserved grudge because I came out with nothing on that end as well.”

“Why didn’t you tell me that before?”

“We’ve only recently gotten to a place where we can talk like this. Would you have listened to me and believed that?”

Absolutely not. “And you couldn’t have physically come to see me yourself? I lived with Mor for quite some time before finding my own place.”

“I hadn’t known that.”

“You honestly thought I would stay in that apartment after all of that time? After all of those memories?”

“By that time I was convinced that you wanted nothing to do with me.”

“You were my fiancé and then you were the father of my child. I would have been livid and I would’ve had some choice words to say but to be honest I would’ve taken you back had you proved yourself to be remorseful enough and mentioned that you’ve tried to get in touch with me. I spent all this time thinking you didn’t give a damn and that you were glad to be rid of me.”

“And now?”

Loki shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“If I ask you something, will you swear to tell me the absolute truth, as we agreed on earlier?”

Loki had a feeling he knew what that question was. “Would you answer mine first?”

Thor nodded. “Of course.”

“Were you embarrassed or ashamed of me? Was that why you left without me?”

Thor was quiet for quite some time, and the silence threatened to make his heart drop, had he been?

“I was afraid of what people would think of me, of us.”

Loki’s heart really did sink into his stomach this time.

“But that was only for my career. There are many homosexual men and women in this world who aren’t in the public eye but keep their relationships secret for reasons of privacy and protection. I needed to be based out of Los Angeles to find work and with the way the paparazzi stalk the place it would have been near impossible to keep it a secret if I brought you with me. It takes time to get your name out there and I spent all of my time in and out of auditions and playing bit parts. Even if we stayed together and you remained here, could you have honestly stuck with a man you would barely hear from, let alone see?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t get the chance to figure that out.” Loki shrugged. “You said you wanted to protect me and keep things private?”

“What I do with anyone behind closed doors is my business and no one else’s, but being in the position we’re in they tend to forget that. I was also worried about what would happen when we did come out. Bad thoughts lead to bad actions more often than we’d like. Not everyone is as understanding and although I personally believe you’re perfect the way you were born, you are right to say that people are hostile towards what they don’t understand. You’re now in a position where you can more than defend and take care of yourself.”

“I wasn’t back then.” Loki smiled ruefully. He was the scrawny pale kid that stayed indoors, read, and avoided physical confrontation, it was one of the reasons he couldn’t believe his luck when Thor expressed his desire to be with him.

Thor gave him an apologetic smile. “Not really, no. And in a convoluted way I thought I was doing both of us a favor. Now more than ever though, I would gladly see to anyone who has anything to say about either of us, and now I have you as my backup.”

Loki snorted. “As if you need it.”

Thor chuckled but sobered up fairly quickly. “I admit to overthinking some aspects of my decision while not considering others. It’s causing mixed messages on my part. At its basest level, yes I did leave you for Hollywood and I married Amora while knowing you were with child. I’m sorry, Loki. I truly am and I would _never_ be ashamed of you.”

Loki didn’t know what to think at this point. He had to talk to Maria and possibly his mor about Thor trying to contact him through them to see if he was really telling the truth. Deep down though, he had a feeling that the blond was most likely telling him what truly happened.

“You’ve answered my questions. What was yours?”

“Will you answer it truthfully?”

Loki nodded despite the anxious feeling in his gut. “I swear.”

“Do you still love me?”

It was as if someone pushed him into a lake of ice cold water. The look in Thor’s eyes were both curious and hopeful; did that mean that if Loki answered in the affirmative he wouldn’t take vindictive glee in it? What would Loki himself gain if he answered? He decided it wouldn’t mean anything no matter how he replied.

“Yes.” Loki responded, his voice barely carrying over in the otherwise silent room. “I do.”

Thor’s smile was nowhere near the usual thousand kilo-watt one that spread across his face with an ease that Loki sometimes envied, it was the soft one that had been reserved only for him all those years ago. And it still had the same effect on Loki, his heart skipped a beat. He looked down at his hands to avoid it. A large, golden hand came from out of his periphery and gently rested on his, pulling his gaze back up to Thor’s face.

“I’m still in love with you too.”

The confession shouldn’t have sent his heart racing like it did, but his body wasn’t as under control as he would like to think it was.

“This still doesn’t solve much.”

“I know.” Thor stood. “But it’s a start.”

Before he left, he added “We had a late lunch. Don’t forget to take your meds.”

Loki saluted him. “Aye, sir.”

A heavy silence encompassed the room once the blond departed, the quiet leaving a faint ringing in his ears. There was so much to digest. He hadn’t thought they’d go as deep as they had gone and it left him reeling, off balance. He wouldn’t take his medication just yet, he took out his phone instead and pulled up Maria’s number – he wanted to hear from her and his mor first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick head's up, my username will be changed when I post on Saturday. It's gonna be seidrlightning.
> 
> I've also created a side-blog on tumblr of the same [name](http://seidrlightning.tumblr.com/).
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	34. On the Way Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been a pretty good week writing wise for me, yay! Reading the comments with all these differing opinions make me so giddy and I'm happy that you all are invested in this.
> 
> The title comes from the Ryan Cabrera song of the same title.
> 
> Any mistakes are my own and feel free to point any out so I can fix them.
> 
> Enjoy!

_Loki_

 

“Is it true?”

He heard a sigh on the other end. “What else did he say?”

“It doesn’t matter what else he said, I asked was it true.”

“Yes, it is. But I did it for you.”

“This could have made things so different had you told me like you should have.”

“To what end Loki?” Maria asked heatedly. “Would you have gone back to him? He married that girl soon after that, so he proved me right that he didn’t care. Why is this relevant now?”

“Did you ever think that he was trying to reach out to me before making the decision to marry her?”

“So you’re blaming me for all this then?”

“Goodness no, Marie! I’m just trying to figure this all out. We had a talk and –“

“I _knew_ you should have stayed with one of us Loki, what are you doing there? All of this mental stress is detrimental to your recovery.”

“If you were so against it then why did you agree to the whole sham Thor and I are to pull off?”

“There weren’t any alternatives that I could think of. Just because I agreed to it doesn’t mean I liked it, but it’s working. I can see the odd article or two about your outing already and I’m sure more will be on the way.”

“I honestly have no idea what I’m doing or what I’m going to do, Marie.”

“About Thor or about all this mess?”

“Both.”

“The only thing I can tell you about Thor is to avoid him outside of these outings and your necessary care.”

“But Hela –“

“Don’t use her as a crutch, Loki. If you nip things in the bud here –“

“We’ve been out to several places with her these last couple of months and she’s been ecstatic. I’m not going to mess with my daughter’s head by allowing her to spend time with both of her parents and then snatch that away. I may not know how to go forward but I know I can’t go backwards. It would devastate her and no matter what’s happening between Thor and I she comes first in all of this.”

Maria’s end was silent before she sighed. “Fine. I get it. I just don’t want to see you get hurt again over all of this Thor stuff, none of us do.”

“I know that, and I’m thankful for having all of you in my life. Is there anything else I should know while we’re at it?”

“That’s all. It was the only exception. I’m your friend before I’m your manager, please remember that.”

“I will.”

“Now about this current situation, it’s entirely up to you as well. If you want we’ll just come up with another reason to push the tour’s dates back.”

“With me out and about with Thor? Nothing will make a solid story.”

“I’ll figure something out.”

“No.” Loki took a deep breath, his eyes flickering up to the door were Thor now stood, the cup of tea he requested via text message in his large hands. “I want to go through with the charges.”

“Okay.” Maria said softly. “I’ll contact Pym to let him know. And I should contact Coulson because of Thor. I think this is a wonderful and brave thing you’re doing.”

Loki’s eyes flicked down to where he was playing with a loose thread in the sheets. “Yeah.”

“I’ll get on that right now. I’ll talk to you soon, Loki.”

“Okay.”

Thor closed the door behind him as Loki hung up. Placing the cup on the table, he sat down next to Loki and took his hand in both of his. “You’re doing a good thing, Loki.”

Loki nodded.

“I’ll be there with you every step of the way if you need me.”

Loki turned to look at him. “Would you? Even if some not so savory things come to light?”

“I’m not leaving you alone again. I’m here as long as you want or need me.”

He stared at Thor, trying to detect any hints of trickery or falsehood. It was just his luck that he found none, of fucking course. He nodded again.

Hesitantly, Thor wrapped an arm around him and when he got no resistance, the other one joined it. Loki almost sobbed at the feel of those arms around him again; he hated that all of this was happening to him and he hated that he reacts to Thor the same way he did all those years ago. What he wouldn’t give to trade places with someone else in his personal life.

The door creaked open and the both turned as a small blonde head poked its way in. Though there was no one else in the house now, Hela closed the door behind her when she came in; she climbed up on the bed and Loki opened his arms to her, Thor adjusting his grip to accommodate the both of them.

This time, Loki couldn’t fight the tears that trailed down his cheeks silently.

Hela brushed them away with her small thumbs. “It’s gonna be okay, Mor. Isn’t that what you tell me? Isn’t that right, Daddy?”

“Yes it is, sweetheart.”

Loki felt Thor press a kiss to the side of his head.

Loki buried his face in Hela’s soft hair.

He would talk to his mor later.

 

\--------------

 

_“This is_ your _fault, Loki!”_

_The pain in his jaw, head, and side coupled with the spinning of the room threatened to make him vomit._

_“What do we have here?” The laughter was manic as those fingers forced their way inside and–_

 

Loki woke up mid-cry, his eyes darting around the darkened room. He climbed out of the bed on shaky legs and made his way out of the room in a daze. He could still feel those fingers inside of him and he could still feel the hopelessness and he stumbled up the stairs to the person that was able to make him stop, to make the monster get off of him. Only two doors on the second floor were fully closed, the first had little clouds and bees on them while the one down the hall was plain and he made a beeline for it, nearly tripping over his own feet in the process.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_Thor_

 

The late night rerun of the reality show that flashed on the television barely registered in his mind. It was going on 2 am but he still couldn’t sleep after all that transpired today.

On a positive note, he had gotten the answer to burning question he’d had since Loki came back into his life and it was the one he’d been hoping beyond all hope for. Loki still loved him! Now that he knew that, he would do everything he could to prove to Loki and anyone else that he was nothing but serious, starting with the whole Victor situation.

According to Phil their lunch today had been a success, but it was most likely for naught due to Loki deciding to press charges against that asshole. He was glad that Loki was taking this huge step and he wasn’t lying when he said he would be there for Loki every step of the way – the reshoots he was involved in were for pivotal but minor scenes, he could probably have them pushed back to the last possible moment but he would cross that bridge when he got there.

He was about to turn off the tv and try to call it a night when the door to his room flung open and Thor sprung himself off bed to prepare to defend himself and what if whomever it is had gotten to Hela and –

It was only Loki and Thor was on the verge of relaxing until he saw the sleep and panic hazed eyes and shaking body.

“Shit, Loki.” Thor barely had time to brace himself before the brunet launched himself at him, mumbling almost incoherently.

“Make him stop. Make him get off.”

Thor’s jaw clenched when he caught on to what this was about. He quickly guided Loki to the bed and climbed back onto it.

“Shhh. It’s just a dream, Loki. It’s just a dream.”

Loki shook his head, still mumbling.

“Yes, it was just a dream. He can’t hurt you anymore, Loki. He’s in the hospital as far as we know, and if he wasn’t you know I wouldn’t let him get to you. You know that, right Loki?”

He continued to murmur reassurances in the singer’s ear until he stopped shivering and his grip on him lightened but held firm.

“I’m gonna go close the door.” Thor told him, trying to pry his arms off of him. “Let me up for just a moment.”

Loki only clutched at him harder, shaking his head vehemently. He would have to carry him then. Thor discovered Loki was much heavier than he used to be when he pushed off of the bed, but he prided himself on his health and worked out regularly and with the exception of a grunt, he carried Loki to the door easily enough and shut it with his foot before carrying him back and maneuvering him under the sheets.

The clock read 3:19 am when Loki finally went back to sleep, his fingers still twisted in the material of his shirt. Was this the first time he’s had a nightmare about that night? Had he been repressing the experience that today’s decision to take it to court brought up? All he knew was that his hatred for that scum was at an all-time high and even though he couldn’t get his hands on him again – and boy would he love to – it would be an adequate consolation to see him get his legal due.

Thor himself didn’t fall asleep until the sun slowly began to make its appearance.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	35. Calm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A hint of domesticity before everything starts off. I know the small exchange between Hela and Loki looks overwhelming but the translations are at the end like always. Any mistakes are my own, let me know so I can fix them.
> 
> P.s. I've never owned a dishwasher, so don't shoot me over the lack of knowledge I tried to make up for through an internet search.
> 
> Enjoy!

The sun as well up in the sky when Thor finally woke, sitting up with a yawn. The space next to him was cold and he rubbed at his eyes as he climbed out of bed and dragged himself to the attached master bathroom. He flicked the shower on, shedding his clothes and relieving himself as he waited for it to heat up.

The shower served as a good wake up and he made quick work of brushing his teeth before exiting the bathroom in search of something to wear. He decided to put off his jog until later so he donned an old muscle shirt and sweatpants, tying his hair up into a bun as he left his room. Hela’s door was open and her room was empty, he assumed she must be in the kitchen with Loki so he made his way downstairs to find something to eat.

A wonderful smell wafted around the first floor and lured him just outside the kitchen where he could hear two voices.

“Jag är ärligt talat förvånad över att han har så mycket grejer skräddarsydd för dig. Jag trodde att jag skulle vara elak gammal förälder som gör att du äter alla dina grönsaker.”

It was a lot to take in but he could pick out Loki being surprised about something with vegetables.

“Pappa behövde mycket hjälp från mormor, men nu har vi hon bara kommer att se till att vi inte äter för mycket söta saker.”

There was something about his mother and sweets. Ah, so they must be talking about what he has as far as food goes. Loki’s surprised he has tons of healthy stuff for them to eat instead of the sweets he’s partial to. It’s like the pot calling the kettle black.

Thor heard the sound of Loki opening one of the cupboards and sighing. He must have found their stash that he has tucked away from his mother but he’s certain she knows about it but opts not to say anything.

“Jag kan föreställa mig. Det är ett konstigt hur han inte behöver rulla runt för att ta sig från punkt A till punkt B.”

Something about rolling from point to point.

He rolled his eyes and entered the kitchen. “I find that exercise does a lot to counter-balance some of my less than healthy food choices.”

“Daddy!” Hela beamed and held her arms out to him from her perch on one of the stools at the island and he gladly walked into them, wrapping a large arm around her.

“It smells great.”

“Thanks. Take her to the table, it’s almost finished.”

Thor saluted him and hoisted Hela off the bar stool, grinning when she squealed. “Anything I can do to help?”

Loki waved a hand. “Drinks and syrup. I looked into the cupboard there and found nothing but junk food.”

Thor nodded and headed to the table, plopping Hela down in her usual seat that had a cushion in the chair that boosted her up a few inches.

“I’m really happy Mor’s here, Daddy.”

“So, you’ve told me.” Thor kissed the top of her head. “So is Daddy.”

Thor walked back into the kitchen just as the pot Loki had on the stove whistled. He jogged over and snatched up the thermal cloth and picked it up despite Loki’s protests that he could do it himself. He quickly fixed Loki’s tea just the way he preferred and opened the fridge to fetch the orange juice and apple juice. He came back for the syrup, salt, and pepper.

He was pouring apple juice into Hela’s plastic cup when Loki entered with plates filled to different capacities. The fullest plate was packed to the brim with scrambled eggs, bacon, and sausage which Loki placed in front of him and one with significantly less of each was placed in front of Hela.

Loki ducked back into the kitchen to fetch his own plate which wasn’t as full as Thor’s but was still plenty packed and a plate full of pancakes. Thor nearly fell out of his seat when he saw that they had blueberries in them, his and Hela’s favorite. The breakfast, well the clock on the wall said it was nearing eleven so brunch, was comfortably quietly except the noises he and Hela were making, especially when they reached their pancakes. Loki is a natural cook and Thor will gladly admit that he’s missed his cooking.

Loki quickly helped Hela wash her hands afterwards and they sent her to the living room while they took care of the dishes. The dishwasher had broken just the day before, but with all that happened he had forgotten it. They would have to get the truck out and go find one today.

“Loki…”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“How long have you been having the nightmares?”

“So much for not talking about it,” Loki sighed. “Since it happened, but it’s never been as bad as it was last night. I’m sorry if I intruded on you.”

“It’s fine!” Thor quickly assured. “I’m glad I could be of some use to you. I told you if you need me, I’m here.”

“You’re serious, aren’t you?”

“I love you. I told you this yesterday. You’re not getting rid of me.” Thor said as he dried the frying pan.

Loki unplugged the drain with a sigh. “As much as I want to believe that…”

“My past actions have dictated otherwise. I know. With all that’s ahead I hope to do away with as many of those doubts as I can. Have you spoken with this Pym yet?”

“No, I-“ The sudden sound of Loki’s ringtone made them both jump. Loki dried his hands and check his phone. “It’s him now actually.”

Thor nodded. “I’ll be in the living room with Hela.”

 

They had just finished an episode of Steven Universe when Loki came back in and sat down on Hela’s left.

_Okay?_ Thor mouthed to him.

Loki gave him a poor semblance of a smile and nodded.

“We should head out to find another dishwasher. I’m afraid that hand washing them isn’t my forte.”

“One time Daddy broke two plates when he was trying to dry them. Grandma was mad.”

This time Loki’s smile was genuine and he chuckled softly.

“Disappointed was more like it.”

“Do you want to do that now? And you would have me come along?”

“Yes. And it doesn’t have to be, we can go a bit later. There another three hours of this show and Hela doesn’t want to miss it.”

Hela nodded her agreement eagerly.

“Should we let Maria or Coulson know?”

“Nah.” Thor shook his head. “This one’s off the clock.”

“Let me know when you’re ready to bundle up and head out then. Just know that I’m not carrying anything.” Loki smirked. “Recovering injuries and all that.”

“Are you just being lazy?” Hela looked up at him.

Loki shushed her with a grin and a finger at his lips, causing her to giggle.

 

Once the mini-marathon was over they decided on Home Depot first, which was a bit of a drive but it seemed to put Loki at ease.

“You moved in not too long ago, how old was that dishwasher?”

“Relatively new actually. I just had a tough time of figuring out what to do and what not to do.”

“Grandma had to write what to do on paper. Daddy’s not good with house stuff.”

“Thanks for your lovely input, sweetheart.”

“You’re welcome, Daddy.”

“She’s very cheeky.”

Thor snorted. “I blame you.”

 

They were left alone as they strolled along the appliances. Thor was glad he brought Loki, because the brunet seemed to take charge of their search.

“Your old one was portable, yes?”

“I believe so.”

“I would have preferred Frigidaire but they don’t have the really good ones. Syn’s Whirlpool hasn’t failed her yet and it’s been at least five years since she bought it.” He stopped in front of a black one and patted it. “This is the one. And it’s Energy Star qualified.”

Thor wasn’t going to ask what ‘Energy Star qualified’ meant, he was just happy that Loki turned what would have been an hour of browsing aimless until some worker took pity on him to about a fifteen minute walkthrough. He was glad that he wouldn’t have to make the call of shame to his mother so he could get help on what to pick.

“Let’s find a clerk then.”

Thor and the clerk made quick work of getting the dishwasher on to a pallet to steer out to where they were parked. They were halfway to the truck when they caught the first flash and Thor hefted Hela up into his arms and Loki subtly came closer to his side. While Thor always made sure Hela was in his arms just in case one or two members of the paparazzi became numerous, he commended Loki for acting fast with his presence, this would solidify them in the public eye and that will be helpful when it came time for the trial.

Thor handed her off once they reached the truck and Loki placed her inside while Thor and the clerk loaded the dishwasher in the back.

“Thank you, Gregg.” Thor said, his eyes quickly darting over the clerk’s nametag. He shook Gregg’s hand. “I appreciate it.”

“You’re welcome. Can’t wait to see you on the big screen again. _Misfits_ is a favorite of mine.”

“I hope the second one exceeds your expectations.”

Gregg grinned. “I’m sure it will. Take care.” The guy didn’t bother asking for a picture or an autograph, he just easily maneuvered the pallet around and headed back to the store.

Thor was admittedly grateful.

 

Despite his earlier statement, Loki did end up helping with the dishwasher. They eased the new one onto a sled from Thor’s shed and pulled it up to where the dining room led to the patio. They manhandled the old one onto the sled and pushed it outside the gates, almost losing the sled to the incline and both giggled like children trying to fetch it and try not to slip.

It took about ten minutes to get the dishwasher in the right place and another twenty minutes to get it set up. Thor made a mental note to read the instructions. Or have Loki read them and write them up like his mother did. Hela wasn’t lying when she said he wasn’t all that good with domesticity.

“You feel like talking about earlier?”

“We’ll have to call Frigga or my mor to babysit tomorrow. He wants to meet with both of us and Sigyn when his office opens.”

“Then we’ll be there even earlier.” Thor grinned.

Loki snorted.

“In all seriousness Loki, it won’t seem like it when we’re in the thick of it, but things are gonna be fine.”

Loki didn’t look all that convinced but he didn’t argue. “Yeah.”

“Daddy!”

They both jumped.

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“Can I have some apple juice?”

Thor snorted and Loki smiled.

“Coming right up!”

“Yay!”

Thor turned his attention back to Loki. “And my door’s always open should you need it.”

“Yeah.”

 

It was almost one in the morning when he woke to a long, shuddering body burrowing against him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations (From Google as always):
> 
> "I'm honestly surprised that he has so much stuff tailored for you. I thought I'd be mean old parent that makes you eat all of your vegetables."
> 
> "Daddy needed a lot of help from Grannie, but now we she only comes to make sure we don't eat too much sweet stuff."
> 
> "I can imagine. It's a wonder how he doesn't have to roll around to get from point a to point b."
> 
>  
> 
> Just a pre-warning there are some more nightmares ahead.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	36. Cloudy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a forewarning, I'm not very knowledgeable with legal stuff but I'm more than willing to make an effort to see this through so bear with my any lack of understanding and throw some help my way if anything is glaring. Any mistakes are my own and don't hesitate throwing that help in the direction of errors.
> 
> Enjoy!

Sigyn was already waiting for them when they arrived.

“Loki!” She rushed over and he met her with a hug. “How are you handling things?”

“As well as I can.” He offered her small smile. He couldn’t help but notice the stilted look she aimed behind him.

“Thor.” Sigyn nodded.

“How are you, Sigyn?”

“Well enough.” She looked back at Loki. “Are you ready for this?”

“No, but when will I ever be?”

They were the first that Pym would be seeing today so they were quickly ushered inside by the secretary.

“Loki, Sigyn.” Pym smiled and shook all of their hands. “Thor.”

There were three plush chairs lined in front of the attorney’s desk and they quickly sat down, Sigyn on Loki’s left and Thor on his right.

Pym pulled the pen and pad in front of him closer. “Let’s cut right to the chase, shall we?”

“Of course.” Loki responded.

“I would prefer the best detail you can provide but if it makes you too uncomfortable you can glaze over it, but keep in mind that you will have to tell it all in court. What happened that night?”

“Victor and I had had dinner that night and came back to my place, as we had many times over the last few weeks or so.”

“How did you meet Victor?”

“He was the director for one of our videos. We met up after it wrapped and things took off from there.”

Pym nodded.

“Looking back I hadn’t really noticed it but while I had been indulging in the wine he’d barely had any.” He smacked his own forehead. How could have been so blind? “That should have been my first clue.”

Sigyn placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. “Don’t go blaming yourself for something you didn’t do.”

“He kissed me at some point and things progressed a little,” he felt Thor tense ever so slightly beside him. “Sigyn texted me about coming to her place for the countdown like we always do and I told her I’d be there. He wasn’t happy about it. That much was obvious now that I think about it, but at the time I was really too mellow to dwell on it. I asked him to come with me to Syn’s place but he told me he had a flight the next day and couldn’t stay too much longer.

“He asked me to have a drink of tequila with him before he dropped me off, he said I was too tipsy to drive myself. He’d been to my place often so I trusted him enough to let him go get glasses alone. I should’ve went with him or at least had him pour the drink in front of me. Then again, I thought I knew him well enough that he wouldn’t have done what he did to me. I only took a few sips though, I remember being terrified that Sigyn would have my head if I missed the countdown.”

Sigyn squeezed his shoulder again, offering him a tiny smile but he struggled to return it.

“And then?”

“I stood up, or tried to at least. I remember it being very hard to stand.”

“You were drugged.”

“I was.”

“I’ll contact the hospital you were in to find out which were given to you.”

“Okay.”

“Continue please.”

Loki took a deep breath, starting when he felt a large hand encompass his. He glanced over at Thor, who gave him a reassuring smile.

“I remember calling his name, trying to ask him what was going on, but he was pushing me down on the couch, telling me to just lie back, that he would make it good for me. I fell to the floor and moved to get away but he climbed on top of me. He kept asking why we hadn’t slept together yet, why we haven’t consummated the relationship yet. I think I caught him in the groin and tried to escape again, but I wasn’t quick enough. He was livid when he recovered.”

Before he realized it one hand was on Sigyn’s knee while the other one had turned in Thor’s grip so that their fingers laced together.

“He kicked me in the side and I think I must have hit my head on the table from the impact. He climbed back over me and I felt like I was going to puke but I was determined to get away. I scratched at his face and hoped that it was enough to knock him off guard so I could get away. It wasn’t, he hit me in the face. ‘This is your fault’ he told me, ‘You brought this on yourself’.”

“This will never be your fault, Loki. I’ve told you this.” Thor squeezed his hand and he did likewise, as if trying to draw strength from him.

“I know you did but I keep hearing it again and again. This is your fault, this is your fault, this is your fault-”

“Could you give us a moment?”

Pym nodded and stood, heading out the door.

When Sigyn remained where she was he sighed. “Please?”

She huffed but pushed out of her chair and left, closing the door behind her.

Thor surprised him by getting down on his knees in front of him, taking his hands in his. “This is _not_ your fault, Loki. Do you remember the time before we first made love?”

Loki flushed and squirmed in his seat. This was the last thing he wanted to talk about, why would Thor bring it up _now_ of all times? “Yes.”

“Do remember how many times things got intense between us but I backed off when you asked because you weren’t ready?”

“Lots of times.” Loki whispered.

“Was there I time that I ever huffed at you or became angry with you because of it?”

“No.”

“Did I ever pressure you?”

“No.”

“If I could wait, and many men in this world can wait for their loved ones, so can he. This man was arrogant and selfish enough to think he was above waiting until you were ready and after pressuring you decided that he would take what he wanted, regardless of how it affected you. If you had meant anything to him he would have minded himself and waited until you were ready to give yourself to him. All of this is _his_ fault. Not yours.”

He was right. He hadn’t pressured him and neither had Svad. If they could wait until he was ready why couldn’t Victor have waited? But still…

“I led him on and –“

“You _did not_.” Thor growled. “Your arousal isn’t consent and his certainly isn’t either. Loki, you’ve got to convince yourself that this wasn’t on you. There’s no way to put this behind you otherwise.”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah?”

“I’ll try.”

“Good.” Thor stood before pressing a kiss to Loki’s forehead, tightening his hands over his briefly and went to the door. “He’s ready to continue.”

Loki sat stunned, the liberties Thor was taking recently threw him off balance like nothing before. On the ride here he had kept his hand firmly in his while he drove and had kissed it just prior to them getting out of the car. All of his subtle actions followed their confessions just two days ago and it left him caught between wanting Thor to stop, to not open those doors that could lead to his heartbreak again and wanting this so bad it hurt.

He didn’t look up from the floor as Pym and Sigyn took their places, Pym picking up his pen and waiting for the rest of the story like he hadn’t left and Sigyn sat stiffly in her chair.

“As I said he kept hitting me again and again, breaking my nose at one point. I recall it being hard to breathe already before he started to choke me. He went for my belt and I tried to stop him but he hit me again. At that point I was so out of it and I couldn’t see out of one of my eyes, the left one I believe. When I kept struggling he pushed me on my stomach and pulled up my shirt and sweater until I couldn’t move my arms. He took off my belt and pushed my jeans down just enough so I wasn’t able to move my legs either. All I remember after that is his laughter and the pain. And then the sound of the door crashing open.”

Sigyn spoke up. “Loki is never one to be late and after the ten minutes he said he would come in were up, I went to check up on him and met Thor at the front of his house. I looked into his window and saw Victor there and Thor broke the door down and went in. I may not hold him in the highest regard but I will say I admire him doing what I wouldn’t have been able to do. He got away too easy with the injuries he had.”

The room was silent as Pym jotted down the last of the notes. “You spoke to the police at some point, yes?”

Loki nodded. “When I was in the hospital.”

“And there’s photos of your injuries?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll get my hands on the report and the doctor’s evaluation of you.” He quickly read back over what he wrote. “We have grounds for the drugging, assault and battery, and sexual assault and battery. I’ll be contacting you very soon, we should have him arrested properly when he wakes. I’ve gotten word that he’s been out for some time.”

“Thank you for your time.” Loki said and stood.

Pym stood as well, shaking his hand. “Thank _you,_ Loki. You’re doing something brave here.”

“So I’ve been told.”

Once they’d left the office, Sigyn gripped him by the elbow. “You should head home. I need to talk to Loki.”

He watched Thor frown. “I’ll wait in the car for him. He’s heading back with me.”

“I’ll give him a ride.”

“Do you even know where I live?”

“Should I care?”

“Since he’s staying with me, yes you should.”

Loki nearly shrunk at the look Sigyn gave him.

“Thor, go on. I’ll give her directions.”

Thor looked between the two of them, sighing as he turned to leave the practice.

 

Loki followed Sigyn to her car and climbed into the passenger’s seat. He watched as Sigyn eyed Thor’s car as he backed out.

“I’ve kept my distance because I thought you were at your mor’s house and I know how she gets at our visits. So how the hell did you end up at his place?”

“Mor has been putting off her duties at the clinic and it came up as suggestion.”

“And you went with it? She went with it? You could have stayed with me.”

“It was more for Hela’s sake than my own at first.”

“And now?”

Loki shrugged. “I’ve been taken care of so far. “

“Are you two together?”

Loki’s eyes widened. “What?”

“You heard me. Are you two together?”

“No.”

“That’s not what I hear. I’ve gotten questions while I’m out about your little excursions. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised earlier.”

“At the time I didn’t know whether or not I was going to press charges. I was spotted at the hospital so to take attention away from that and the possible reason as to why I was there, Maria, Coulson, Thor, and I decided on us doing a few pap walks.”

“This is making less and less sense. There was no point to any of that. They would’ve asked why you were there and you could have said ‘no comment.’ There was no reason for you to go that route. I’m surprised Maria went with it.”

“Victor and I were in the hospital. There were outlets out there that knew we were a thing and for both of us to be in the hospital _at the same time_ would have sparked too many questions that wouldn’t have gone away with ‘no comment.’ But take one of the biggest actors on the planet and one of the most popular vocalists on the planet with a history together and that takes a back seat.”

“Yeah?” Sigyn laughed was bitter. “We’ve spent all this time trying to glue the pieces back together and you’re still going to go back for a second breaking.”

“Syn, I told you we aren’t-“

“But you _will_ be, won’t you? That little episode back there is proof enough.” Sigyn shook her head. “All of our hard work for nothing.”

Loki bristled. “Syn, you’re the closest thing I’ll ever have to a sibling and I love you dearly, but I never forced you to take me on like a charity case.”

“Loki, that’s not what I meant.”

“Then how did you mean it?”

“You’ve done so much to build yourself back up and I don’t want to see you hurt by him again. He _broke_ you, Loki. I don’t mean that to make you sound weak, I mean it in the way your whole life revolved around him.”

“And it doesn’t anymore and it won’t. I have my daughter, my mor, you guys, my songwriting, and our music now.”

Sigyn gave him a sad smile and cranked up the car. “He better treat you right this time around.”

“Sigyn, I told you there is nothing going on between-“

“I’m meeting Steve soon. I saw Thor go right, where do I go from there?”

Loki sighed. Should he have just stayed with his mor or her instead? Something deep down told him he was where he needed to be. Would Sigyn or his mor have been able to keep the nightmares at bay? He somewhat doubted it. As the last two nights proved, his subconscious wouldn’t be satisfied until he was near the one who had been able to stop Victor.

He wondered if he’s just distanced his closest and dearest friend.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not 100% sure about a client revealing that much to an attorney but you will find that Pym is a very thorough man. There will be some Thor/Sigyn clashing on the horizon.
> 
> I have a new [tumblr](http://seidrlightning.tumblr.com/) dedicated to Thorki under this name now.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	37. Can we go back?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is another one of those chapters that got away from me. I'm skipping ahead about two weeks since I think you've more than waited patiently for some progress. Any mistakes are my own and feel free to point them out.
> 
> Enjoy!

_January 28, 2017_

 

Loki took a deep breath as he adjusted his scarf. It had been almost two weeks since he put this suit in motion but Victor had only just recently been able to stay awake longer than a few hours. When he’d been able to move about he was then arrested, but no sooner had he been placed behind bars he’d posted the $623,000 bail.

Today would be the first, and hopefully last, day in court and to say he would rather disappear than be in the same room as that monster would be an understatement. His mor, Thor, Frigga, Sigyn, and Steve were downstairs with Hela; Steve would be staying behind to keep her company.

He hadn’t spoken to Sigyn since their terse conversation in her car after their first consultation with Pym and it weighed on him. But for all her abrasiveness, could he truly blame her? In these last two weeks he’s fled to Thor’s room like a small child nearly every night. And that was just leading up to this case. With all that was about to be laid bare to the public, because he wasn’t an idiot to think it wouldn’t get out after a time, he might as well just sleep there in the first place instead of making feeble attempts at sleeping on his own.

Thor never protested though, no matter how late or how long he’d been asleep, all he did was open his arms and whisper quiet words of comfort until he fell into a dreamless sleep. He never brought it up the next day either, save for that first day when he informed Loki that his door was always open.

He looked up from his reflection in the floor length mirror to find Thor looking at him. The blond offered him a small smile and stepped inside the room.

“Stupid question: are you ready?” Thor asked as he approached.

Loki turned to face him. “No.”

“Things will fall into place. It’s no question that he’s guilty. He’s not going to walk away a scot-free.”

“I have no doubt that he’ll be punished, my concern is to what extent. He’s a rich and famous director, Thor, he may not come out of this unpunished but how long will he be behind bars? Will he even be behind bars or will he just be sent to some cushy center? Or maybe house arrest?”

Thor placed his large hands on Loki’s shoulders. “We’ll just have to find out, won’t we? From my experience opposite of him, Pym is good at his job and my father is willing to offer whatever counsel he can. This won’t pass lightly.”

“And if that isn’t enough, this case is going to turn into an absolute circus.”

“I have faith that it won’t, but if it does, you’ll have all of us behind you. Not only us but your fans and others who have been in your situation.” One calloused hand came up to rest on the side of his neck. “You say the world isn’t as accepting as I would believe but the world isn’t as pessimistic as you would believe either.”

Loki wasn’t convinced of the truth of that last statement.

Thor’s thumb brushed up against his cheek and he shivered, if Thor noticed it – there was absolutely no way he hadn’t – he didn’t say anything about it. “Do you still want to go through with this?”

“It’s not like I have a choice at this point.”

“Loki –“

“I wouldn’t even if I had the choice.”

“Good. And if you need me I’ll be right behind you.”

“Yeah.”

Thor placed a kiss on his temple.

“Thor…” Loki shook his head.

Thor frowned. “What’s wrong?”

“This. This is wrong.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I’m just here to get better, Thor. And I am getting better. It’s going to be time for me to find a new home soon.”

“You don’t have to rush it, especially with the case about to start. And what’s been going on between us –“

“Which is nothing –“

“Which is everything. I love you and you love me, and I’m ready to prove to you that I’m serious about not abandoning you again. You’ve been fine all this time, what’s going on?”

“Maybe this case is making me see things straight again. Making me analyze things more. Syn was right, I shouldn’t be throwing away all of this progress –“

“This is Sigyn’s doing? Is that what you talked about when we first saw Pym?”

“It doesn’t matter. She was right-“

“What do you want, Loki?”

Loki paused. “What?”

“You heard me. What do _you_ want? Not Sigyn, not your mor, not anyone else. They can offer their opinions on what happens between us but at the end of the day it’s your life to live. What do _you_ want?”

This was happening way too fast to process. One minute they were talking about the case that was going to take place in about an hour’s time and the next they were talking about them, _again_.

He heard Thor’s soft sigh when the silence stretched between them. He nodded, looking very resolute.

“If you’re sure about wanting nothing to do with me outside of Hela after this, just say the word. Say the word and I’ll leave you alone after this case is done or we’ll just be friends no matter how hard it will be at first.”

Loki bit his lip and looked down at the carpeted floor, his eyes prickling with tears. Was this not what he’s wanted all these years despite fighting it? To have Thor back?

Thor’s hands cupped his face and brought his gaze back up to those intense blue eyes. “What do you want, Loki?”

“Thor, please…” Loki took a deep, shuttering breath. “If we do this, you can’t… you can’t do what you did before. Please don’t, Thor.”

“I’ll swear on anything you want me to. You have my word.”

Loki nodded, his hands coming up to grip Thor’s grip. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“You. I-I want you. Thor I -”

He couldn’t get out the rest because suddenly lips were against his own and the feelings that surged within him made him shudder. It was long-lasting and intense, it felt as though they were trying to pack all these years apart into one kiss.

When they parted for breath they didn’t go far, Thor leaning down so they’re foreheads touched.

“Please don’t make me regret this.”

Thor wiped the tears from his eyes with his thumbs. “You’ll be batting me away for a moment to yourself before you know it. I promise.”

“Do you think they’ll be able to tell I’ve let a few slip?” The last thing he needed was to look like he had been crying in front of any cameras.

“You’ll be fine by the time we’ve reached the courthouse.” The smile on Thor’s face almost made him forget about what’s lying ahead of him. “Gods, Loki.”

He kissed him again, but this one was brief.

Loki could feel his heart thumping rapidly in his chest.

“We should get going.”

Loki sighed. “We should.”

“We’re keeping this to ourselves for a time?”

“Yes.”

“You won’t change your mind?”

“You won’t change yours?”

“Never again.” Thor smiled. “Let’s go.”

 

The others were waiting by the door when they came down.

“There they are. We should be going boys; the car’s waiting.” Frigga smiled.

Loki’s eyes darted over the group, fixating on his mor, who was staring at him intently. The look in her eyes gave him pause, but he tried his best to shake it off as he bent down to kiss Hela. They said their farewells to Steve and filed out of the door.

 

The apprehension began to creep up on him the closer they got to the courthouse. He could see that Thor was itching to comfort him but refrained as he sat opposite of him, his mor was on his left and Sigyn was on his right. Despite whatever was wrong between them, her presence at his side and her hand in his was enough for him to believe that things would be all right.

“Shit,” he heard her say.

Shit, indeed. Despite common sense, he’d hoped against all hope that this wouldn’t turn into a media frenzy, but there was a crowd waiting outside. A rather large one.

“I’ll text Svad to see how the back is.”

Loki’s hands dug into the seat and he felt short of breath. How did they find out? Has Victor been making a spectacle out of this? Did they somehow get their hands on the complaint that was filed? Did that mean that they know what happened to him before he was ready for them to?

“He says the crowd is much smaller. Take us to the back please.”

The crowd was indeed much smaller but that didn’t make him feel any better.

“All will be well, my love.” His mor squeezed his hand. “With the way all this works, you and the case will be old news before you know it.”

He took a deep breath and looked up to find Thor gazing at him, trying his hardest to be reassuring without giving away the new aspect to their relationship.

The car stopped and he froze in place as the crowd descended on the vehicle. He wouldn’t be surprised if they weren’t twice as many when this was all said and done.

Despite Thor’s optimism, it was going to be a circus after all.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's about time for Loki to go for what he wants. I hope it wasn't rushed for you guys and trust me when I say that not all their problems are solved with this new development. The court part is up next.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	38. Untitled

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the long wait, last weekend was filled with project meetings and I was exhausted by the end of it.
> 
> I claim no outstanding amount of knowledge about how trials go, just from criminal documentaries, my legal course, and the internet.
> 
> This chapter surprised me in such a good way and I hope it does the same for you all as well. I couldn't really think of a title for it.
> 
> Any mistakes are my own, feel free to point them out so I can correct them.
> 
> Enjoy!

“It’s now or never.” Sigyn said regretfully as Thor opened the door.

Thor was very good for something like this, forcing his bulk through the crowd, followed by Loki and his mor, then Frigga and Sigyn.

“Loki! Loki! Was there really an altercation between you and Victor?”

“Were there recreational drugs involved?”

“Thor, are you involved in the suit?”

Loki wished more than ever that he could just reach forward and grasp Thor’s hand, but he squeezed his mor’s instead, feeling grateful at the tightening of her own hand. More questions were thrown their way but thankfully the noise dropped considerably when they finally made it inside.

“Vultures.” Sigyn muttered.

Pym was waiting for them, Odin at his side. “Loki, Sigyn, Thor. Glad to have you here. Mrs. Odinson and Mrs. Laufeyson, looking as lovely as ever.”

“Is he here?” Loki asked abruptly.

“He hasn’t arrived yet.” Pym shook his head. “Do any of you have any questions?”

“The witnesses,” Sigyn spoke up, “is it just the three of us?”

“Actually-” Odin started, but then the door opened again reveling a small crowd of people.

It seemed that two women and a young man were in the center of the gathering, with who appeared to be their own lawyers and family members.

“- you’re not.” Odin finished.

Loki felt Thor stiffen beside him.

“Ella,” he heard him whisper.

Pym made the introductions as soon as the three in the center stepped up. “Loki, this is Ella Winters, Elizabeth Allen, and Kurt Wagner. Ella, Liz, Kurt, this is Loki Laufeyson.”

Loki was speechless. “You’ve all…”

Each nodded stiffly.

It wasn’t that Loki was glad others had been victimized as he was, but something inside him felt a sense of relief that he wasn’t alone, and that one of the others was male.

“Now that you’re all here, I’ll explain the process for any of you that are unfamiliar with it. First off, our side is the prosecution and Victor’s the defense. Odin, being the DA for this district, is going to take charge of our case. Touching base on your earlier question Sigyn, it should be enough that you were there and we have the others to testify so we won’t have to use Thor in case his presence muddies things up. There’s going to be opening statements, that’s where we inform people what the case is about. Then, as the prosecution, we’ll get to bring our witnesses up first. After you answer our questions then the defense will be able to cross examine you or in other words ask their own questions.

There may be a rest period before the defense can share their side. When they’re done then we can cross examine their witnesses. Depending on how long everything takes we could be meeting again tomorrow, but I have my doubts on that. We’ll have a few chances before deliberation to really poke holes in their defense and then we’ll go into closing statements. Once we’ve done all of that then a jury – there’s going to be twelve members due to the nature of the case – will deliberate whether or not Victor’s guilty. We all know he is, so I believe it won’t take long but there’s potential for them to deliberate from a few minutes to a few weeks. Once that’s done then he’ll be handed is sentence. Any questions?”

Each of them shook their heads.

Pym nodded. “Good. We have a few minutes before everything starts. If you have to go to the restroom or anything I suggest you do it now. They’re down the hall at the end and to your left for the gentlemen and to the right for the ladies.”

Loki made a beeline towards the restroom. Once inside he clutched one of the sinks and took deep breaths. While it was great to know that he wasn’t alone, his situation sort of made it that way. While the others would be talked about for a time, he had no doubts that his name would be carried with this trial for much longer than any of them since he was in the lime light.

He didn’t realize how long he’d been standing there until the door opened to his far left, revealing a concerned Thor.

“Loki? The proceedings are about to begin.” He stepped in quietly, placing a hand on Loki’s shoulder once he was close enough, turning Loki around to face him.

The calmness in his eyes made it almost easy for Loki to relax, though it was in small increments and he still felt a little tense in the end.

“It’s going to be okay, Loki. He can’t hurt you again, nor will I let it happen. I’ll be right behind you, okay? If you feel like you can’t continue or you get too stressed then look right at me, or at your mor, whichever makes you feel better. And remember, I love you.”

Thor leaned down and pressed a kiss to Loki’s lips and was about to draw back when Loki clutched onto him, his heart thumping fast in his chest. The blond offered him a dopey grin when they finally broke apart, which made the band on his chest loosen ever so slightly.

“Let’s get this over with, yes?”

Thor nodded and led them out.

 

When they arrived in the courtroom Pym guided Loki to where he would be seated while Thor and the rest moved past the railing dividing those involved from the rest of the room, which was already filling with spectators - civilian and media alike. They were seated in front of where the judge would be sitting, the witness seat next to it looking very ominous to Loki. The jury slowly filed in, making everything seem that much more real.

“We have the details of everything we discussed for you to look at and remember in case you get stuck.” Pym pointed to the papers on the table.

Loki was grateful for the notes, but he doesn’t believe he’s going to need them. The nightmares were more than enough to inform him of what his mind had blissfully forgotten in the daylight hours.

Odin strode in, cutting a foreboding and confident figure. He would hate to be the defense opposing such man, and that thought made him feel better.

And then Victor arrived.

Most of his face was a giant healing bruise but the sight of him made his heart rate spike in fear. This man was the manifestation of his nightmares, an abuser of trust and a monster.

He quickly tore his gaze from Victor to the papers in front of him, everything becoming a dull hum. He didn’t catch much of Odin’s opening statement, but he did notice that he only mentioned Loki being _sodomized with the defendant’s right index and middle fingers_ and for that he was grateful. He strived to pay attention after that, listening in awe as Odin explained what happened to him in a clinical, but thorough manner before giving Loki a curt nod and sitting. He truly was in good hands.

He quickly sought Thor out and saw that the blond’s eyes were narrowed dangerously at the awkwardly seated figure that was Victor. Then those eyes cut to him and they softened considerably as he gave Loki a reassuring smile, making Loki’s heart skip a beat. The encouraging look on his mor’s face further served to boost his confidence. Maybe things would be okay.

And then the defense got up and gave their opening statement. Loki felt more and more nauseous as the lawyer claimed that Victor ‘just couldn’t help himself’ and that Loki had ‘led him on for so long that his human nature clouded his decision making process and made him do something he wouldn’t normally do under any other circumstances.’

Loki was caught between feeling offended at the pile of lies coming out of that man’s mouth and the heavy feeling of _you brought this on yourself_. He could feel eyes boring into the side of his head but he dared not look over.

He went into auto-pilot when he was called to the stand, his voice a monotone to his ears as he gave the jury and spectators a glimpse into what it was like for him that night, Odin’s firm, but gentle tone making it less difficult to give voice to all of the nightmare that haunted his nights. He felt numb as he climbed out of the witness box, his eyes firmly planted on the ground. The spectators were just as shocked as Loki had been when Elizabeth, Ella, and Kurt each took the stand. While their encounters had been blurry and not particularly violent due to consuming all of the drug that Victor had slipped them, they were no less horrifying in the fact that Victor had succeeded in raping them - leaving behind nothing but a physical ache and remnants of a struggle they had had no chance of winning. Sigyn came up soon after to describe what she walked in on and Thor’s intervention; seeing the proof of said intervention on Victor’s person created a sense of awe for Thor from the spectators and no doubt the media was eating it up.

There was a break after that, Elizabeth and Kurt having broken down into tears mid-testimony. While they waited all Loki wanted to do was either throw himself into Thor’s arms or lock himself in the restroom. He settled for comforting Elizabeth, Kurt, and Ella while also being comforted himself. He felt a familiar small but firm arm wrap around his waist and he turned in his mor’s grip to crowd himself against her warmth, her hand stroking his hair as he buried his face in the juncture between her neck and shoulder. While Thor’s embrace offered the protection of someone who wasn’t afraid to get physical with anyone who threatened him or the ones he loved, his mor’s embrace offered the comfort of his childhood years and an unyielding presence that hasn’t left his side since his birth. He struggled to fight down his tears.

It was the defense’s turn when they came back into session and soon it was Victor who was taking the stand. He answered his lawyer’s questions in a soft, slurred voice, his eyes locked unnervingly on Loki the whole time. The defense lawyer then grilled Kurt, Elizabeth, and Ella on their experiences, this time with Ella bursting into tears and having to be removed from the stand. Though Victor’s lawyer looked over at him, he shot a quick glance at the director and Loki was spared. Huh?

When the defense was finished with the witnesses, Odin stood and called Victor back to the stand.

“I’ve asked you to take the stand Mr. von Doom to correct and confirm the facts. Now, was it true that you introduced the drug ketamine to Mr. Laufeyson’s drink as you were suspected of doing to the other victims?”

Victor’s mouth opened and closed before he nodded.

“Could you answer in words please, Mr. von Doom?”

“I did.”

“And it is to my understanding that you had done so with the intention of forcing yourself onto Mr. Laufeyson. Am I wrong?”

Victor stared at his hands for a long time, prompting the judge to speak, his stern voice startling him out of his thoughts.

“I ask that you answer the question, Mr. von Doom.”

“Yes. You are wrong.”

His answer caused a stir amongst the spectators and Loki looked on in befuddlement. Odin’s expression didn’t change.

“I beg your pardon?”

“You’re wrong. I didn’t do it to hurt him.” Victor’s eyes locked onto Loki’s. “I didn’t do it to hurt you, Loki. I just wanted to loosen you up a bit more. Every time you stopped me when it was clear you wanted it. I was just helping us both out. _I was just helping us both out!_ ” Victor yelled out as best he could.

“Order in the court!” The judge slammed his gavel down. “Order. Control your client, counselor.”

At this point the defense attorney looked just as confused as everyone else did.

Victor stood up and climbed out of the witness box, trying to make his way over to Loki, who nearly toppled his chair over to further the distance between them.

“I didn’t care for them, Loki. All I wanted was the sex, but I wanted you to love me. Loki, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m sorry!” Victor’s struggles against the bailiffs were weak due to his injuries, but that didn’t stop him from trying, calling out for Loki the whole time. “I loved you, Loki! I still do! Please! Was it because of him? Was that why you wouldn’t give yourself to me? Was it him? Loki, please! I’m sorry! I love you, I promise! I’m sorry, Loki!”

The entire room had erupted into chaos at that point, cameras flashing and recording every second.

“Order! Order! Get him out of here! Now!”

Victor fought harder to get to Loki, tears running down his cheeks – whether they were tears of pain as he tried to push his body beyond its limits or tears of despair, Loki didn’t know but he didn’t care either. He just wanted to get as far away from him as possible, but he kept trying to get to him, just like he did that night and the panic Loki felt was mounting.

Suddenly, his vision of Victor was blocked by a large chest and Loki was being backed out of the courtroom. Thor kept him locked in his arms even after they exited, his mor coming up behind him to offer soothing words and running her fingers through his hair again. All Loki registered though, was the safe haven of the one that was able to stop Victor before and he clung to Thor tightly, the tears he had been keeping at bay the entire time spilling as he begged him to get Victor off of him, to keep him away.

In the back of him mind he couldn’t help but laugh sarcastically at his situation, it would seem as though the media got their freak show after all. It wasn’t funny at all but Loki’s mounting hysteria made it so and while he was still begging, his shoulders shook with both sobs and laughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed all the drama.
> 
> And for those who are interested, my Tumblr is [here](http://seidrlightning.tumblr.com). Feel free to drop by and make my day by saying hi. 
> 
>  
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	39. Mor's Distraction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a small one but I wanted to leave you all with something since I'm going into finals week. This one is a bit dialogue heavy.
> 
> I should say this more often: I'm so thankful for the kudos, bookmarks, and especially the comments! You all breathe fresh, soothing air into a very stressed out college student.
> 
> Any mistakes are my own and feel free to point them out.
> 
> Enjoy!

It was decided that the session would adjourn for today and pick back up at the same time tomorrow. Loki didn’t understand, because Victor had essentially confessed that he had not only attacked him but forced himself on the other three as well. He was too distraught to think much on it though and was anxious to be as far away from that monster as he could.

The ride to Thor’s house was quiet and tense, the others in the vehicle constantly eyeing him to see how he was coping. Loki was the first one inside when they arrived, making a beeline for his temporary room. He breathed in and out slowly, trying to calm his still racing heart and mind. He heard his door open and turned his head to see his mother enter the room, shutting it behind her.

Loki collapsed down onto the bed and Farbauti joined him, pulling him into a one-armed hug.

“What I wouldn’t give for this to never have happened in the first place, my dear.”

“You and I both.”

“He should pay dearly for what he’s done, but after that spectacle I admit to being very nervous.”

“You think he’ll get off on insanity?”

“Better to look crazy on camera than go to an actual prison.”

Loki sighed. “I don’t want to deal with any of it until tomorrow.”

“Very well then,” Farbauti nodded. “How about you explain what I saw earlier instead?”

Loki frowned. “I do not understand?”

“I came up to check on you before we left.”

She must have seen… that would explain the look she had given him when they came downstairs.

“Mother…”

“What are you doing, Loki?”

“I –”

“With all that is going on, should you really be trying to relive the past at this time? Should you be doing it at all?”

“I… admit that maybe now isn’t the best time to explore what you saw. But…”

“You’re mentally attached to him.”

Loki frowned again. He was doing that a lot these days, between the fits of crying of course.

“He’s your anchor in this traumatic experience. You were viciously attacked and Thor rescued you, therefore you always seek him out in the only way you’ve remembered in your history together.”

Her words did make sense, but he was sure he’d feel this way towards Thor regardless, because he always has. This event was just the catalyst that brought them back together. He told his mother as such.

“Whatever I saw earlier and back in the courthouse isn’t real - you’re confused. When this is all said and done, can you surely say that you’re not going to look back at that moment between you two and think ‘why on Earth did I do that?’”

Loki shook his head. “I’m tired of fighting it, Mother. I really am. I’ve never truly wanted anyone else and whenever I try it just doesn’t pan out.”

“So you will settle for the one that broke your heart, my dear?”

“It could be different this time. I have a feeling it will.”

“And I have a feeling it won’t. How many relationships do you know survive a revival? You’re just – how do they say it – beating a wild horse?”

Loki managed a strained laugh. “I believe it is beating a _dead_ horse.”

Farbauti waved a hand at him. “Bah. You get what I am saying. I wish you would move on from the past.”

“And trying to do so led me to being beaten and almost raped.”

His mother squeezed his shoulder. “I hate that it happened and it will take time to heal from this but didn’t you tell me when I was considering whether or not to get my professional degree that if I wanted it, it was worth taking a chance for?”

Loki gave her a rueful smile. “And how is that any different from my situation?”

Farbauti scowled, it was one of the seldom times he’s ever been able to catch her like that. “Loki…”

“I’ve accepted it. You know better than anyone that nothing truly compares to your first true love.”

His mother closed her eyes and it was his turn to pull her into an embrace. It had been quite some time since Laufey had been mentioned by name or brought up in passing between them. While Laufey hadn’t been her first like Thor had been all of his firsts, but he had been her only love. If his mother had ever dated or had any semblance of a relationship with another man, Loki himself has never been witness to it and marrying again was definitely out of the question for her.

He wished she wouldn’t isolate herself so but it seemed as though her heart died in the accident with his father. Loki’s heart had walked right out with Thor, but unlike his mother, it had a chance to really beat again. He would be a fool to pass up this second chance and in the same vein he would be a fool to take it.

“You are right, this isn’t the right time to try to be involved with him. I should stop while we’re ahead and wait until I find a new place, then we can start from scratch.”

“Will it involve a horrible movie that you use as an excuse to fondle each other like you did the first time?”

“Mother!”

“I’m not an idiot.” Farbauti sighed. “You know my feelings about this?”

“I know you don’t like it Mother, but it is something I want to try. For my sake and Hela’s.”

“He’s still married, is he not?”

“In the process of a divorce.” Loki answered.

“The same woman who so casually told the world of Hela?”

Loki cringed. “That same one.”

“From what I heard from Sigyn she is a very um… ambitious woman.”

“You gossip with _my_ best friend?”

“She has a lot to gain by being married to Thor, and a lot to lose in the divorce in terms of her connections and what have you.”

“So you’ve been talking with Sigyn _and_ Maria?”

“My point is that you should be careful. Whatever happened last between her and Thor isn’t the end of it. When she discovers that he is with you, you may be caught in the crossfire. I don’t want you in the middle of their problem.”

“She signed the papers willingly, or else the procedures wouldn’t be going ahead like they are.”

“There’s still the trial of separation to get through.” Farbauti shook her head. “Look at us getting off topic. This is something to discuss with that oaf or your manager.”

“Well, you managed what you set out to do.” She had thoroughly distracted both his mind and heart from what happened earlier, and thinking back on it now doesn’t affect him as heavily as it did earlier. He sent a quick thanks to the powers that be for his mother’s presence in his life.

“You should have a talk with him about where to go from here. While I don’t agree with your decision to rekindle whatever you had, I agree that you are a grown man and will make your own decisions. Know this though,” Farbauti stood, her hand firmly planted on his shoulders. “Should he break your heart again – no matter how much I value my friendship with Frigga and no matter how much I adore Hela – _I_. _Will. Ruin. Him_.”

Loki shuddered. The sheer conviction in her eyes was more than enough for him to believe what she said.

His mother bent down to kiss his forehead. “I will see you tomorrow, my dear.”

Only moments after she left his phone buzzed in his pocket. He checked the caller id. Pym.

“Hello?”

“Loki. There’s been a change of plans for tomorrow. Victor’s team put in a motion for insanity.”

Loki dragged a hand though his long hair. Of fucking course. He had expected this, but that didn’t make it any easier to hear. Should he be proven insane, and his actions today certainly point to that conclusion, then whatever sentence he was given would be served in a ward.

“Court won’t come back into session until next week at the earliest. It’ll be the day after the results are received or the following Monday the courthouse is open if it is a weekend.”

Loki sighed.

“I believe the judge is just going through protocol. I don’t think he or the jury believes that he is.”

“Thank you for letting me know, Hank. I’ll inform the others.”

“I know it sounds tough, but have as good of a day as you can, Loki. I’ll see you soon.”

“I’ll try. Bye.”

“Bye.”

He stood after hanging up, it’s better to tell them know before the others left. So much for this being an open and shut case.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	40. Changing Direction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize a thousand times for the lateness of this chapter. Last week I was finishing up my finals and packing up to head home. Although this is most likely gonna be longer than I expected, I would like to finish this by the end of the month. I hope to update a lot more frequently, possibly every 3-4 days instead of weekly.
> 
> I still don't know too much about how they do things law-wise in Massachusetts beyond what I find on the web, so feel free to correct me.
> 
> I'm trying something new in regards to how Loki, Hela, and Farbauti communicate when the focus is on them, I'll be italicizing any conversations they have in Loki's pov.
> 
> Any mistakes are my own, feel free to point them out.

They didn’t have to wait for long - exactly a week later, they were summoned.

The area around the courthouse was overflowing with people now. After the debacle of the previous week, he found that he wasn’t surprised. What had surprised him though, but in a pleasant way, was today’s ruling. As he and his mother had expected, Victor and his team had pled insanity.

He hoped with all his hope that Victor wouldn’t get off easy with what he had done to him and the others.

“The results of the immediate psychological evaluation indicate that Mr. von Doom is of not completely sound, but competent mind. Motion of insanity has been denied.” The judge ruled.

Loki let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding and felt a firm squeeze on his shoulder, returning the brief nod that Odin gave him. It would seem as if the powers that be were actually listening this time.

The relief tuned out everything, the reflecting relief of his friends and family, the knowing looks of Odin and Pym, the gasps of the crowd, the defeated countenance of defense time – everything. There wasn’t much left after that, both sides gave their closing statements and the jury went to deliberate. It took just over an hour for them to come back with a verdict of guilty on all counts: drugging him, aggravated assault, and sexual assault and battery.

When the sentencing was done, it was obvious that although their attacks weren’t directly the focus, the others hadn’t testified for nothing and Loki believed that time was added on their behalf. All of the charges added up to seventeen years in prison and another eight on probation. Loki was thoroughly floored, but in the best of ways; he hadn’t expected for all of their combined attacks to garner so much time, especially with how the sentencing system seemed almost rigged towards the attackers.

When it was all over Farbauti made a beeline for him and held him close.

“ _Everything will be okay now, dear. Didn’t I tell you?_ ”

Loki clutched her just as tightly, nodding as the tears sprang in his eyes, which scanned the room to find Thor looking on with an almost brilliant smile. It would be a long road, but Loki felt for the first time that it would indeed be okay.

 

Later that night, Loki’s laptop was perched on his stomach as he browsed different real estate sites. Now that the case was done with, he could begin the steps to taking his life off hold. There was a soft knock on the door.

“Come in.”

It was Thor.

“Hey.”

“Hi.”

Thor gently closed the door behind him and perched on the edge of the bed closest to Loki. “How do you feel?”

It was the first time all day that they had spoken alone. While they didn’t want to crowd the courtroom and draw more attention than was already on Loki, the others had kept a firm eye on what had transpired. After Victor’s outburst the calls had come in from the gang and even Thor had gotten calls from his friends asking how Loki was coping. After today though, they had come over for a celebratory sip of wine and a slice of cheesecake (or in Loki and Hela’s case two or three slices). They had put Hela to bed together just an hour before, having let her stay up long past the agreed time due to the occasion; while she didn’t understand the circumstances, she was ecstatic to see everyone in such good spirits.

“Relieved. Unbelieving.” Loki shrugged. “Hopeful.”

“Nothing too negative?”

He shook his head. “No. Not really.”

Thor nodded towards is laptop. “What are you up to so late?”

Loki flipped the laptop over so Thor could get a glimpse at the screen.

The blond frowned. “Oh.”

Loki turned it back to him. “Yeah. I thought that since things are winding down and I’ll be right as rain soon, I should start looking for a new place and get the old one on the market.”

Thor nodded, frown still on his face.

Loki sighed. “It was going to happen sooner or later, Thor.”

Thor scratched the back of his head. “I know that. It’s just that… I’m worried that with you leaving, what’s to become of this?” He motioned between the two of them.

Loki placed his laptop to the side and sat up properly. “About that actually-“

A mixture of horror and fear flashed in Thor’s eyes. “You’ve changed your mind?”

“No,” Loki shook his head. “This move will be better for us. My being here was only depended upon my injuries. With me in a separate place, this,” he motioned between the two of them just as Thor had, “can begin the proper way.”

“You mean like –“

“Dating? Yes. This has to be done right this time or things will be worse than where we were just months ago, than all these years now.”

Thor nodded eagerly, the relief plain to see in his blue eyes. “At least we have the means to do anything this time. No money restriction and no close parent supervision.”

“We exchanged no money with more than we’ll ever need and no parent supervision with world speculation. It’s one thing to be spotted here and there, but if this makes it -”

“It _will_.” Thor insisted.

“- then we better be on our toes. I can’t believe we were stupid enough and Maria and Coulson were desperate enough to calm the waters that we went out and about while you’re in the midst of divorcing Amora.”

Thor winced, he obviously didn’t want to talk about it, but Farbauti’s words echoed in Loki’s mind.

“Being in the same position, I don’t like drawing conclusions from gossip hearsay, but from the talk and my intuition, she isn’t going to make this easy.”

Thor’s brow wrinkled. “She signed the papers willingly, Loki.”

Loki shrugged. “She’s had a lot of time to think over that. If she feels even a fraction of how I felt all those years ago, she’d do anything to get you back. Don’t make light of this and don’t think it’ll be smooth sailing.”

Thor nodded absentmindedly. “I will heed your warnings, but she’s not my priority right this moment.”

“And I am?”

“You and Hela both, like you should have been.”

“You speak a lot of pretty words.”

“That will be followed by action soon enough. I’ve asked my mother if she would like to spend some time with Hel tomorrow. We’ll have the afternoon to ourselves.”

“You don’t want her with us?”

“Of course I do, and there will be other opportunities for her to join us. It will be better for her if we have a more solid foundation together. How many times was there hesitation between us when we were with her that she could be suspicious of? She may be young but she’s highly observational.”

Loki blew out a breath of air. “This is going to take so much work.”

“Isn’t that true of all things that are worth it?” Thor reached out and took Loki’s hand in his much larger one. “You couldn’t be any more perfect in my eyes, Loki. I should be doing the work to make this right between us since the fault lies with me. All you need to do is decide if this is truly what you want.”

“You’d be surprised at how hard that is.”

“You were always the more complicated of us two.”

“And you were always of a one-track mind.” Loki sighed. “We’re different people now, our schedules are a thousand-fold more hectic, and we’re under a metaphorical microscope. Can we truly pull this off?”

“The worst thing we can do is not try.”

He found truth in that. If they try this and succeed, well that was all Loki ever wanted. If they tried and failed, it would finally be time to truly move on. But if they never try, then the what ifs would drive him to the brink of sanity.

“At least for Hela.” Loki agreed.

“At least for _us_.” Thor stressed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	41. New Place, New Start

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I intend to get the ball rolling between these two beginning in the next chapter.
> 
> Any mistakes are my own and please feel free to correct me.

_March 4, 2017_

Loki huffed as he hefted the last box on a stack of other boxes. It took him almost a month to find a suitable place that passed his thorough inspection. He took a deep breath, his hands on his hips.

When he had told Hela his plans for searching for a new place, she had stared at him for a very long time before becoming crestfallen. He had been quick to assure her that she could come see him as often as she’d like and that he would do the same, but the expression didn’t change.

“It’s just not the same as having you here every day,” she had told him sadly.

That had been one of the last things she said to him before Thor had to head back to England for reshoots. It took a while for him to admit that he missed their constant presence and looking around the room full of boxes that would become his small library, it felt as if something was missing.

“That the last of it?”

Loki turned to find Sigyn leaning on the door frame. “Should be.”

“Great.” Sigyn sagged with relief. “I don’t see why you made us do all the work that a moving company could have easily done.”

“Band bonding experience.” Loki grinned as he walked past her and headed downstairs.

“Somehow, I don’t think the others will agree with that.”

“I didn’t force any of you to do this.”

“True, but after we’re done complaining we’ll realize that.” Sigyn poked him in the back. “It’s great that you decided to go ahead and get a new place. A fresh start does wondrous things for the mind and heart.”

For the mind yes, for the heart? Maybe.

“I agree. I’m healed and slowly getting back to my exercise regime; there wasn’t much of a reason to impose on Thor any further.”

“About that…”

Loki paused at the bottom of the stairs and looked up at her. “How are things going with Steve?”

Sigyn noted the obvious change of topic but decided to indulge him. “We’ve been great. We’re looking at places together and thinking about going public actually.”

He was surprised. “Oh, wow. That’s great Syn!”

He pulled her down for a hug and when he eased her back, he got a good look at her. “You look happy.”

Sigyn smiled. “I am. I wish you could be as well.”

“I think – I think I will be.”

“With him?”

Loki sighed. “I wish you could see this from my point of view, Syn. I honestly don’t think I’ll be as happy with anyone else.”

“Settling is not for someone like you, Lokes.”

Loki smiled at the old nickname. “I don’t see it that way. I see it as a second chance.”

“With the guy that broke your heart when he left you all those years ago?”

“Is Steve not doing the same thing with you? Taking this second chance?”

Sigyn froze and dropped her hands from Loki’s shoulders. It’s obvious she hadn’t thought about that.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

She bit her lip. “I still don’t like this. Steve and I weren’t together, let alone engaged, and we don’t have a daughter together.”

“I know you don’t trust him, so trust me instead. If it doesn’t work out, at least I’ll truly know it’s time to move on.”

“I so want you to move on, but I know if it doesn’t work out between you two it’ll be devastating for you.”

Loki didn’t respond to that, he just looks out the wide open door, watching as Svad and the others goofed around.

“Anyway, when do you plan on stocking up that mini wine cellar?”

Loki snorted and left her standing on the third to last step.

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Thor collapsed in a nearby chair, huffing in his costume. The thick black sweater, black cargo pants, and heavy boots were doing a number on him today. It was times like this that made him question the wisdom of doing most of his own stunts.

It wasn’t long before Steve crashed down beside him, sounding like an overburdened racehorse.

“Jeez,” Steve panted. “I’m starting to rethink not letting John take my place.”

“Aw, come on guys, it’s not that bad.” Tony tossed their way as he breezed past them.

“Easy for you to say, you’re not doing stunt work!” Thor called after him.

“My character doesn’t require it and you were the idiots that decided to do it!”

Bruce snorted as he came up, sipping from his water bottle. “Even if his character did require it, he still wouldn’t do it.”

“Damn right.” Tony sauntered back over, clapping him on the shoulder. “I’m built for luxury baby.”

“Tony! Bruce!” The director, Sharon Carter, called them over.

“Well, back at it then. See you losers in a bit.”

Bruce rolled his eyes and followed after him.

“How’s Loki fairing? You talk to him recently?” Steve asked after taking a long, slow pull from his bottle.

“Not recently. Last time I checked in he was in the final stages of moving houses.” Thor frowned. The reshoots were taking much longer than expected, the scenes that had needed altering connected with a lot of other ones and Sharon is nothing if not thorough. Loki had probably moved in whatever the place was by now, and he would never have the chance to help him move in.

Hela hadn’t taken the news of him moving too well, she had kept to her room most of the first two days before clinging to Loki whenever possible before they came to London. He was just as disappointed as she was. It was up to him to make things right so they could have Loki in their lives permanently.

“What about you and Sigyn? Have you found a place yet?”

“Nah. We looked at a few places before I left, we narrowed it down to four that we’ll go check out after we’re done with reshoots.”

“Have you told Sam about it?” Sam Wilson was Steve’s publicist and he was practically a part of the group when he was around. They saw him more as a friend but the guy was very savvy with managing Steve’s public image.

“I know it’ll be out soon, but I’d like to confirm it with Syn before I talk to him about it.”

“Fair enough.” Thor couldn’t help but feel just a tad bit jealous of Steve and Sigyn. While it hurt Steve to see her go all those years ago, things remained rather uncomplicated between the two as neither of them married other people. Thor was the only idiot that decided to take that route.

“You’ll get there, Thor. You and Loki are obviously meant to be, or at least meant to try. It can’t be mere coincidence that all of us have gathered together for the first time in years when we all thought that it was near impossible. Fate has a way of making things happen for a reason. That’s what my ma says anyway.”

“I’m terrified that I’m going to mess this up.”

“I think the only way you can mess this up is to leave or not try, Thor.”

“I have no plans of doing either.”

“You made a mistake. Granted, a very, very, _very_ bad one, but now you have the chance to make it right. Once your divorce is over you can channel all you have into a relationship with Loki. You think you’re gonna be ready for what’s coming your way when you become public down the road?”

“It’s known that Loki and I were together once.”

“I’m sure a decent percentage of people saw your relationship with him as a sort of experimentation that you got over when you married Amora. They didn’t pay too much attention to it. But once you let them know that you’re in for the long haul, and that you potentially broke up your marriage for him, it’ll be so much worse. Especially on him.”

Thor frowned. “It wasn’t his fault; it’s mine. And I would’ve gone through the divorce regardless. I shouldn’t have married her in the first place.”

“Oh trust me, you’ll get your fair share of the blame. That golden boy image is gonna take a hit, pal.”

“When did you become so tactical?”

“Sam is definitely rubbing off on me. Plus, I’m your friend. These are the things you’re gonna be facing and I want to help make sure you’re prepared.”

“These are serious things to think about, Loki mentioned something similar. I want to make sure my relationship with Loki is solid so there’s no doubt about where we stand when we take this on.”

“Thor! Steve! You guys ready to go or do you still need a moment?”

“Whelp,” Steve clapped Thor on the back. “That’s our cue.”

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

_March 12, 2017_

 

“I don’t want to talk about it! At this rate I’ll have to change my information _again_.” Loki paced back and forth in his sparsely decorated living room. “I haven’t responded to them since the trial was done, so why can’t they _take the hint_?”

Maria sighed as she watched him move around. “You know how the media is about this sort of thing. As your friend, I’m just as pissed and wish they’d leave you alone about this, but as your manager and publicist I would recommend an in-depth interview with a journalist that isn’t an asshole to set the record straight. Just give your thoughts about the trial and sentence then talk about Mischief. We’ll take a look at the questions and weed out the ones you don’t want to answer, just like always.”

There was a firm knock on the door.

“You closed and locked the gate behind me didn’t you?” Maria asked.

Loki doesn’t remember closing or locking the gate. He almost smacked himself, as a well-known musician he can’t afford those type of mistakes but the constant bombardment of the media on what happened with Victor is starting to fray on the euphoria of a new move and his nerves.

He grunted and swung the door open without caution.

“Happy late move-in day!”

Loki started. It was Thor and Hela. They looked like a pair of golden retrievers with their bright expressions.

“You’re about a week late.” Loki backed up so they could come in.

“Reshoots took longer than expected. If you don’t accept late congratulations then we can always take this cheesecake back…”

So that is what’s in Thor’s hands. He didn’t hesitate to snatch it from him.

“You found the place okay?” He honestly wasn’t all that surprised that they had showed up. Frigga had insisted on helping him and his mother unpack.

“Yeah. You’re a bit far out, but it feels peaceful.”

“I’ll show you around in just a moment.” Loki said, going to the kitchen to put away the cheesecake.

“I’ll see myself out, Loki. Think about what I said.” Maria nodded at the father-daughter duo. “Thor. Hela.” She pinched Hela on the cheek, the small girl pouting adorably and batting her fingers away playfully.

Loki took them on a tour of the house.

Hela squealed happily at the room chosen for her. The previous owners had painted the room a deep sky blue, Hela’s favorite variation of her favorite color.

The master bedroom had a beautiful gas fireplace and a balcony, but Loki informed them of his intention of getting the lame shade of purple covered into a stylish green.

Thor was surprised to see the garden containing a small orchard of apple trees, the greenhouse, and the potting shed. He had a penchant for gardening as he and Frigga had done plenty of it in the Odinson family’s backyard while he was growing up. He’s just been so busy these last few years that he hasn’t had much time to devote to it and he’d rejected the idea of a gardener as he wanted to do it himself.

There was a lounge that Loki quickly showed Thor while Hela went to the bathroom. It had a bar and pool table and there was a wine storage just next to it.

After her potty break Loki showed them the hot tub/spa/sauna combination that Hela was excited to roam around in but she protested vehemently when she was told she wasn’t allowed there until she was older.

“This is an amazing place, Loki.” Thor commented, looking very thoroughly impressed.

“I know. It feels like a dream home.” He put them on path to the kitchen. “I think that cheesecake has been left alone long enough.”

Loki didn’t catch the rueful smile and longing look Thor casted around the place.

Dream home indeed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The inspiration for the [house](http://www.zillow.com/homedetails/64-Walker-St-Boston-MA-02129/2132060666_zpid/). 
> 
> My blog is [here](http://seidrlightning.tumblr.com/) if commenting here isn't your thing you can comment there if you want.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	42. Untitled

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know much about divorce or California's take on divorce outside of research on the internet. Feel free to correct any errors.
> 
> Any mistakes are my own, feel free to point those out as well.
> 
> Enjoy!

_June 2, 2017_

It had been a year since the separation had begun and Thor could finally seek out a divorce. He’d flown back to California early days ago to prepare for the first of the hearings. He wished that Hela and Loki could be with him right now, but they were in the mid-west continuing Mischief’s tour and wouldn’t be here for another few days.

He and Loki had spent a lot of time together before he was cleared for touring. After their desperate bid to take the attention away from Loki’s trial, they decided to be more low-key about their slowly evolving bond. When Thor had gotten back from reshoots in England, they’d agreed to meet twice a week: at Thor’s place and then Loki’s. Whomever was hosting would make dinner and they spent their time reacquainting themselves.

He learned plenty of new things about Loki – he’d taken up boxing soon after his recovery from the crash and he was very proficient; he’d also taken up drawing, anything from people and animals to the tattoos that he got or thought about getting; he still went to the markets they’d gone to in their teens with Frigga, though he never ran into his mother; and he’s also learned how to throw daggers and other small knives, his aim had always been good and with the exception of being home (which with the whole Victor thing that’s probably changed) he always had some form of blade on him.

There were plenty of times where Thor would stick his food in his mouth or Loki would trail on a topic that would send them into arguing about the past and would create a cold war between them until one of them (meaning Thor) apologized.

While his father would gladly offer any legal advice it was obvious that he wasn’t going to be the one to represent him, the next best thing was Pym as he too was an expert in several fields of law including divorce, though the man was somewhat reluctant. He’d always been partial to Loki and no doubt his representation of Loki while they hashed out plans for Hela’s custody left him a little sour on Thor’s end. With encouragement from Loki, Farbauti, and Frigga however, Pym had accepted.

They now sat across from each other in Thor’s hotel room, having gone over what Thor was and wasn’t willing to give.

“Give me a sense of who I’m going to be dealing with. What’s Amora Moran like?”

Thor shrugged. “She very intelligent. She’s someone who knows what she wants and she goes for it and doesn’t hesitate to tell someone they’re wrong if she thinks they are.”

“I take it you were on the receiving end of that more often than not.”

Thor nodded.

“What was your life together like?”

“Average, I guess. We went out a lot: to expensive restaurants, clubs and hangout spots with other stars, etc. She was always outgoing during those occasions. At home we did our own thing. We both searched for roles and what have you. She would hang out with her friends and do whatever women do when they get together and I stayed out of her way when I wasn’t with the guys. We had, uh, _relations_ often enough, but I’m starting to believe it wasn’t as frequent as she wanted and she’d gone baby crazy those last few months.”

“How was she when you became Mr. Big Shot?”

Thor didn’t like his tone but he wouldn’t say anything to the guy who was trying to help break the chain that attached him to Amora. “She was excited about it. We both were. I started meeting new people, big name people, and she was always there to support me.”

“Support or mingle?”

Thor winced.

“You married quite fast to a woman in the industry. It’s not uncommon for it to be one of convenience.”

“The woman was in near tears when I told her I wanted to end it.”

“Keep in mind that she is an actress Thor.”

“But she was with me when I was a nobody, she couldn’t have possibly-“

“Look,” Pym cut in. “Though I’d loathe to admit it, you’re a great looking guy and despite my reservation due to past experience your personality isn’t anything to sneeze at either. You had all the makings of a leading man and that was the icing on the cake for her. I’ve done a bit of research on her and it seems as if she’s made a habit of this.”

“But –“

“There are many climbers in the industry Thor, you’re not the first to encounter one and you won’t be the last by a country mile.” Pym leaned forward. “This could be a boon to us in case this turns ugly. What’s with the denial? Do you love her?”

“I was with her for years. I _did_ love her, but I wasn’t _in_ love with her.” Thor ran a hand through his hair.

“Despite his past actions,” Jane, who sat next to Coulson just outside of their vision, spoke up. “No one likes to be used. And the thought of her not really caring for him, but just what he could do for her, wouldn’t sit well in anyone’s stomach, man or woman.”

“I just want to get this over with. Any word from Loki on the exact date he’ll be here?”

“He’ll be here in time for the hearing. You supported him during the trial with Victor, he’s doing the same for you now.”

“You mentioned that she’d gone ‘baby crazy’ those last few months, can you expand on that?” Pym steered the conversation back to the divorce.

“Yeah. She always told me that she wanted to be a mother. I’d always tell her that we had Hela and I wasn’t ready to have more but she always pushed. I think she was getting close to skipping her birth control and poking holes in the condoms.”

“We could use that behavior as well. Stem it towards her securing her place at your side.”

“It was never going to happen in the first place.” Thor shook his head. “I’d only ever wanted to have children with Loki and even if I had envisioned a large family Hela would have been an only child on my end.”

Pym scribbled fast on his note pad. “Okay, I think I have a decent amount of details to work with. Anything else you’d like to add?”

Coulson spoke up. “After he turned down another baby push Amora revealed Hela’s origins to the world. Not the exact details but she revealed that Loki and Thor were her parents and not Thor and her. She’s vindictive.”

“Okay.” Pym jotted that down and began to collect his things, the others jumping up to help him. “I’ll have everything put together by the hearing next Thursday. She signed the papers even if in California she didn’t have to, so that will be working against her as well.”

Jane saw him out, both of them talking as she led him to his room just down the hall. Thor sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, he could already feel a headache coming on.

“I’m sorry.”

Thor’s attention snapped to Coulson, who was looking at him with a rare sympathetic eye. “For what?”

“If I hadn’t pressed so hard in the beginning then you wouldn’t have jumped at the chance to leave for Hollywood, consequences be damned. And I also introduced you to her.”

“I could have thought it through and I was the one that asked her out. Despite my youth I was an adult then and should have done right by Loki and myself.”

“You’re a great guy, Thor. Not many people in the industry are as laid-back and themselves as you are. Things will work themselves out, you’ll see.” Coulson nodded at him and left in the others’ wake.

 

 

\----------------

 

_June 8, 2017_

“If you jostle that tie around any further you’re going to suffocate yourself. It’s fine.” An amused voice put an end to said tie jostling.

“I’m so nervous.” Thor looked back at Loki, who was dressed smartly but not too formal.

“What for? This isn’t like the case with Victor. You have a 10 out of 10 chance of getting your divorce. You’re just hashing out the details.”

It had been one of the reasons that while they may have spent plenty of time together, it never left the platonic stage. Now that the trial was behind them, Loki wouldn’t permit anything between them until Thor was officially divorced.

“Are you ready?”

“Are you?” Loki countered.

“I’m serious, Loki. As soon as you step out those doors with me to the court there’s no going back if you have second thoughts.”

“Do _you_ have second thoughts? I’m sure they saw you arrive here days ago and they just saw me arriving.”

“Of course I don’t. You’re touring, that could merely be a coincidence. If we leave together, there’s no room for doubt. We’re going to have spotlights for a long time after this.”

“As you told me, I have nothing to prove.” Loki grinned. “You do. Most of the explaining is going to be done by _you_.”

Thor took a deep breath. “I’m ready.”

“For the hearing or the scrutiny?”

He finally turned to look at Loki, taking in his green button-up and tight slacks.

Truthfully the answer was neither, but he’ll make himself ready for both.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	43. Working on Those Bitter Ends and Unexpected Beginnings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for such a long wait, I'm trash. RL and writer's block have been kicking my butt lately. I'm not a lawyer and I won't pretend to be but if anyone spots anything wrong with the legal aspects please let me know. Any spelling errors, grammatical errors, etc. let me know. I did go back and alter (blink and you might miss it) a detail or two in Thor's presentation of the divorce papers (I still may have to go back and make more changes).
> 
>    
> Enjoy.

In the end, Thor left out of the front of the hotel with Phil and Jane while Loki left out of the back. Just like he suspected, but had hoped he was wrong, there was already a crowd of camera wielders and nosey bodies.

“Thor!” One shouted out as they filmed them getting to the car.

“Thor, today is the rumored day of the divorce proceedings. Is there still a slim chance of reconciliation?” How did they know that’s what he was here for? Either they were tipped off by Amora’s people or someone in his camp let a leak happen, but he doubted that. Maybe they put two and two together with their divorce announcement and a year later both of them showing up in California, the state in which they married, around the same time. He’d like to think these people were idiots but it took a certain kind of cunning (or desperation) to plot for all of this for whatever celebrity they had their sights on all over the world.

Thor grunted and kept his attention on the SUV, adjusting his shades minutely.

“What’s next for you after the divorce is finalized?” A female’s voice this time.

Thor let out a soft snort and waited for Jane to climb in before moving in himself.

Just as he was about to pass the threshold, he heard a gruff voice ask, “Is it true that an infidelity is the main reason behind the proceedings today?”

It took everything Thor had not to trip the rest of the way in as the questions and noise reached a new height. He made a show of calmly sitting next to Jane while Coulson brought up the rear. The din of the paparazzi became a dull hum when he shut the door.

“Thor –” Jane started.

“She told them I had an affair?” Thor gritted his teeth.

“Thor, it was just an uncalled for question to get a reaction out of you. To rile you up before the proceedings. Don’t let them win.”

Thor shook his head. “I’ve learned that there could be just a smidgen of truth in one of these statements. There’s just too much of a coincidence for me to be comfortable with.”

Thor’s leg bounced erratically as they traveled, anxious to get to the courthouse and get to the bottom of this. Were there pictures of him out and about with one of his female friends that the gossip rags hadn’t recognized yet and assumed he was dating them?

A sudden thought made him go cold.

“Loki,” he murmured.

“What was that? Thor?” He vaguely heard Coulson ask.

He and Loki had been out and about on three or more separate occasions without Hela accompanying them back when they had been (foolishly) trying to keep attention off of the whole thing with Victor.

“The infidelity rumors –”

“So now they’re rumors? How do you know this paparazzo wasn’t just talking out of his ass to get something juicy going?” Jane rightly questioned.

“Earlier this year I was seen with Loki without Hela being there.”

“Damn. I’m texting Pym as we speak. He’ll know a way to beat those claims.”

“Tell him that they were together to build a stronger relationship between them so they wouldn’t intentionally or unintentionally bring any bad blood in their time spent with Hela.”

“Quick thinking, Coulson.”

“I was a part of creating that mess, it’s only right that I’m a part of the cleanup of said mess. I’m sorry, Thor. We should have come up with something better.”

Thor waved it off. “We were all desperate to keep Loki safe. There’s no need to be sorry. We’ll find a way out of this.”

Coulson nodded his agreement.

Much like in Loki’s case, they had to go in the through the back, but since this was California and celebrity divorces were just another occurrence, the lot was sparely populated. Thor would bet anything it had something to do with the men in black patrolling the area. Loki, Pym, and his parents were there in support of him. It loosened a little of the tightness around his chest.

“I received your message, Jane. Coulson’s suggestion is sublime.”

“Glad I could help.”

“We’ve got a few minutes, let’s run through this a final time, shall we?”

 

 

The courtroom itself felt rather homey than oppressing and it helped a little more of that tightness ease up. This was just a formality. All they were doing was deciding the final terms, the papers had been signed by both of them.

Amora was dressed to the nines while still looking simple. She wore a peach colored jacked and skirt combo with matching heels, a soft mint green silk button up underneath. Her hair was neat and wavy and her makeup was impeccable. When they were together he was proud to have such a woman on his arm, with her beautiful features and the vast intelligence in her eyes.

Now what he saw was a rose wrapped in thorns and a vindictive aura about her. Her attractiveness didn’t hold a candle to the beauty that Loki possessed, she had never been able to steal his breath away like Loki still could, and while she was smart, her intelligence was nowhere near as sharp as his, and her talent for words was easily trumped by Loki’s.

These observations only served to cement the stupidity and regret he felt for not finding his way back to Loki in those early days.

At the judge’s nod, Pym began, handing the judge some papers. A copy of the contract that he and Coulson drew up with his father’s input.

“As the contract that was signed August 12, 2016 states, Mr. Odinson and Mrs. Odinson will keep any and all assets that were brought into the marriage as per the prenuptial agreement though Mr. Odinson graciously offered their home here in California and the support of $1,380,000. Equaling $276,000 for every year that they were married or $23,000 a month.”

“Very well, and what say you to this offer, Mrs. Odinson?”

Thor winced at the repeated use of that title. The sooner she dropped his name the better. He didn’t dare look back and see Loki’s reaction to it.

_We’re only hashing out the details. This is going to be quick and maybe a little painful, but quick nonetheless._

“My client,” Amora’s lawyer, an older woman with a serious, but not unkind face, spoke up. “Would like to contest the contract signed between her and her husband on the grounds of emotional duress and the prenuptial agreement on the strong possibility of infidelity on Mr. Odinson’s part.”

_So much for quick. And forget painful, this was going to be brutal._

“And what evidence would you have to confirm these allegations, Mrs. Odinson?”

“Thor and I had been together for quite some time, Your Honor. I fell for him quickly and quite hard. These feelings only grew as time went on and I found myself willing to do anything for him. When he suddenly sprang this divorce on me it broke something.” She paused and took a deep breath, ripping the table in front of her hard in her grief.

_Oh she was good. She left out the part where she got the notice and sat in denial for all those months._

“I asked him a number of times what brought this on, because I thought that we were happy but his answers were vague at best and downright confusing at worst. By the end I could tell that he was growing annoyed and I was growing flustered, if signing those papers would make him happier again then I was willing to do anything to make it so. By the time I’d realized what had happened he was already gone and I knew I’d signed the papers under the wrong state of mind.”

Her lawyer stepped forward with a manila folder. “And I believe this will clarify those infidelity rumors.”

The judge looked over what appeared to be pictures. Of what, he didn’t know. After looking over them the judge turned a critical eye over to him.

“Care to explain?” She held up a photo of him and Sigyn standing close together. He couldn’t make out too much around them but they stood very close together. The only time he’d been that close to her was when Loki had been in the hospital. She was good at taking her hostility for him down a few notches when they were in public and instead of looking narrowed in anger like Thor remembered, they looked half lidded.

Pym opened his mouth but Thor gently quieted him. This would go better if he answered.

“That was taken at the hospital I’d been in a while back. Sigyn has never truly liked me and would more likely dismember herself than be romantically involved with me. She was thanking me for aiding her friend in a dire situation but informed me in no uncertain terms that she still dislikes me. The close proximity was so she could keep her voice low and her face is titled up due to our differences in height.”

The judge looked past him to Loki. She balanced three photos in her hands. “And these?”

They were pictures of him and Loki together with Hela, like he predicted.

Coulson’s angle was true and the best option. “We have a child together. We haven’t been on the best of terms for years but now that she’s getting older we’re going to be making decisions that require us to be on better terms than we were. Going out alone spares her from any heated disagreements we may have during those outings. She’s noticed the difference.”

The corner of the judge’s lips twitched up ever so slightly. She held up the last photo and Thor almost cringed. It was a more recent image of him and Loki just beginning to pull back from an embrace just inside a cafe. “This one?”

“We hadn’t argued or even disagreed the whole time we were there. We even discussed potential schools between the areas we live when she’s finished tutoring at our respective homes. As anyone I’ve met can confirm, I’m more physical when I’m happy about something. Whomever photographed us caught the end of that.”

The judge hummed. “While the infidelities seem unlikely, the duress still stands and we’ll discuss the terms of that agreement.”

Amora and her lawyer put their heads together and spoke quietly for a moment before the woman spoke up.

“We have one last grounds to negate the prenuptial agreement.”

The judge looked dubious at best. “And that would be?”

“Fraud, Your Honor.”

“On what grounds?”

“During their brief interaction that ended with the signing of the contract, Mr. Odinson sated on multiple occasions that shouldn’t have married Mrs. Odinson and that the gentleman in those photos were the reason behind that. This easily indicates that the marriage was entered under false pretenses that Mrs. Odinson knew nothing about.”

Thor nearly cowed under the subtle glare Pym shot his way. A gay man and a straight woman getting married was the ideal fraud situation.

“Given Mrs. Odinson’s previous relationships, could it not stand to reason that she herself entered the marriage under false pretenses as well? Which means that the prenuptial agreement was a much need safety precaution for my client’s assets.”

“Mere hearsay, Your Honor. Gossip that comes with the territory of Mrs. Odinson’s career.”

“And let us not forget that both Mr. and Mrs. Odinson were quite young when they wed. His statements were mere reflections of their choice. Mrs. Odinson’s claims are weak at best and are only delaying the finalization of this divorce. What Mr. Odinson has offered in the contract that she is so willing to render void is the best option.”

“It is an inadequate offer, Your Honor.” The woman countered before looking at Amora pointedly.

For the first time Amora seemed hesitant, but went through her purse with a sigh. She slipped out what appeared to be a photograph and handed it to her lawyer, who in turn went up to the judge to give it up for inspection.

“Hmm,” Thor almost gulped at the surprised look on her face. “Mr. Odinson was unaware of this?”

“I hadn’t known until the time came and afterwards I didn’t want the public to know. It had also been apparent that he wanted nothing more to do with me. I figured that was a part of that nothing too.”

The judge motioned Pym forward and the man was just as surprised as the judge had been. He kept his gaze on the photo as he approached Thor, handing it over silently.

Thor felt a chill sweep through him and he couldn’t tear his gaze away. It was an old fashioned Polaroid of an obviously premature infant boy in an incubator and written on the bottom was ‘ _Magni 1/23/2017’_. He looked back to the tiny boy. Amora’s eyes were green and her natural hair color was almost black – the combination was what drew him in since it reminded him of a certain someone. He had blond hair and his tired eyes were blue just like Thor’s.

Pym quickly brought a chair around Thor collapsed into it, his hands shaking slightly as he continued to stare. He didn’t register when Frigga rushed to his side, her soft gasp calling over Odin and Loki as well. Unlike Frigga, both men were quiet. He risked a peek at Loki, whose expression was carefully blank as he took in the image.

“Loki,” he whispered.

Loki pursed his lips before turning and heading towards the exit.

Only Frigga’s hands on his shoulders prevented him from bolting after him. That would’ve looked bad on his part.

“Should we convene at a later date?”

Pym nodded. “If you would be so kind, Your Honor.”

“I want you back here in three days, same time.”

The photo fell out of his hand to the cool surface of the table as he stood up from his chair on unsteady feet. Without another word he stumbled out after Loki.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do have some of the next chapter written so it won't take anywhere near as long for an update. So much for this ending when I planned, huh? 
> 
> We'll get more into Amora's pregnancy next chapter.
> 
> Thanks for your patience and thanks for reading!


	44. Magni (Part One)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your lovely comments! I love how strongly you feel about this fic!
> 
> Any mistakes are my own, please feel free to point out anything amiss.

Loki was gone when he made it out to the hall. He did see Coulson and Jane speaking in hushed tones.

“Where’s Loki?”

“He hitched a ride in the other car. He looked a little ill so my guess is that he returned to the hotel.”

Jane answered.

“What happened in there?” Coulson questioned.

Thor ignored him in favor of darting out of the door and to the SUV they had arrived in. “Take me back to the hotel. The service entrance please.” He ordered as he hoisted himself into the passenger’s side.

“What about the others?” The driver asked.

“ _Drive_.”

The man didn’t hesitate a second time. He’d deal with the others as soon as he spoke to Loki.

 

The musician was on the floor below him at the end of the hall. He rapped on the door in near desperation. The wait was a long one and for a chilling moment he thought he’d missed him. Those worries were abated only slightly when the door was opened. He immediately squeezed inside, shutting the door behind him.

“Loki?”

He looked up sharply before sighing and looking away, the action making the lead in Thor’s stomach drop farther.

“What a major sign to stop while we’re ahead, mh?”

“Wha-? Loki, no.”

“You two have a child together now and –“

“So do we!”

“And this is your chance to make it right. There’s no need to make the same mistake twice.”

“Letting you go again is making the same mistake twice.”

“That child needs you –“

“So does Hela. And he’ll have me in his life just like she does.”

“Choosing one child over the other is a great way to create resentment between the two, Thor.”

“I’m not going to win on that front either way because I’m inevitably going to see one more than the other, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to have a preference. The only thing I can change is the environment in which he grows up in. A loving one with you, Hela, and myself or seeing his sister on a yearly basis and having a single father. If you no longer want this I can’t say I’ll be fine anytime soon but _I’m not going back to her_.”

“This is a scandal waiting to happen.”

“It already is. The difference is that I’ll have you in my corner when the jabs feel too overwhelming. Please, Loki. I still want to go through with this. I still want – no, _need_ you. I’ll figure something out but please don’t let this turn you away.”

Loki took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “What are you going to do?”

“I’m not sure yet. Talking to Amora would be a wise first step.”

Loki moved to the couch in the center of the room. “It’s the _only_ first step.”

“And I would love to see him.” Thor sat down next to him. “Would you like to come with me?”

Loki’s eyes widened as he looked over at him. “What?”

“You’re going to be a part of his life in the future, why not?”

Loki pursed his lips. “I believe that we should cement our relationship before I get involved.”

Thor frowned but he understood where Loki was coming from. “Very well. I won’t press the issue.”

“Thank you.” Loki’s smile was timid at best. “What did the other have to say?”

“Uh,” Thor scratched the nape of his neck. “I don’t know. I sort of left them at the courthouse.”

“What? Why on Earth would you do that?”

“I wanted to get to you first. I wasn’t sure if you would leave or not. I’m sure they’re on their way as we speak.”

“You mor will have choice words for you.” Loki warned.

Thor winced. “I know.”

They were quiet for a short while after that, both taking in the city from Loki’s floor to ceiling windows.

“I’m sorry, Loki.”

“You were married at the time – well, technically you still are but whatever. The point is that I didn’t expect you to be celibate. I certainly wasn’t.”

Thor chose to disregard that last statement. “I’m not speaking of that. I’m referring to my leaving.”

“Thor –“

“We wouldn’t be going through all of this had I not been a callous idiot. I know you have your doubts, I can see it in your eyes even now. And those close to you definitely don’t believe me, but I am sorry. I’ll do whatever I can to atone for that mistake.”

“I know we’re moving past it, but while I’m willing to give you that chance, don’t ask me for forgiveness. I’m not quite ready to give you that.”

It hurt, but he expected it. He wasn’t in Loki’s place so he had no idea what it felt like to be virtually abandoned and frequently dwelling on what he’d done wrong and what could have been done differently. “I understand, but I will do my best to earn it.”

Loki nodded, biting his top lip.

Thor had the strong urge to kiss him, they hadn’t done so since they had agreed on reconciliation. Well, the worst he could say was no. “Loki?”

“Mmh?”

“May I kiss you?”

The question caught him off guard, but a moment later he uttered a barely audible, “yes.”

Thor took his chin in hand, tilting his face towards himself. Curious emeralds took him in before he leaned forward, capturing Loki’s thin lips in a soft kiss. It was gentle but profound in its message – despite the surprise of his new son, they were able to talk it out without a fight and without any significant damage.

“How was she able to hide it so well?” Loki asked breathlessly once he pulled away.

Thor shrugged and Loki’s eyes narrowed. “I’ve no idea, but has she been seen out and about before the birth?”

“I don’t know and I won’t go out of my way to look. And how could _she_ not have known?”

“Perhaps I should ask. I will need to speak with her as soon as possible.” Thor took out his phone and turned it on, several notifications popping up on the screen. Almost all of them were from his mother. He ignored the voicemails and went straight to the text messages she sent.

_How dare you leave us here young man!_

_I’m sure Loki was just leaving to clear his mind. You’ve come too far for either of you to let this go._

_I’ve called you multiple times and it goes straight to voicemail. Your phone better be powered off because of the court because if I find out (1/2)_

_you truly are ignoring me know that you aren’t too old to be turned over my knee. (2/2)_

The messages that followed were of the same vein but the last one made the growing smile drop from his face.

_The car is here and we’re bringing Amora. No lawyers. I tried to call and give you fair warning._

That one was sent about twenty minutes ago. They’ll be heading to Thor’s room any moment now.

“Shit. I have to get to my room.”

“What? What’s going on?”

“My parents should be here any minute and Amora is with them.”

“Isn’t that a good thing? It’s sooner rather than later?”

“Will you come with me?”

Loki raised a brow.

“I know you said you wanted our relationship to be more solid and that I wouldn’t push but when that time comes you’ll be a part of his life, Loki. You should be a part of the discussion. I don’t want to speak out of turn on your behalf.”

Loki pondered this a moment before nodding and standing up.

“I don’t know if I should be relieved that you’re taking this so well or alarmed.”

“I’m still reeling and I’m more than a bit suspicious.”

“Suspicious?”

Loki shrugged and bypassed him, opening his door and motioning for him to head out.

 

The others were waiting outside of his room when they came out of the elevator. Amora’s expression was open until she spotted Loki, her posture became more formal.

“Finally received my messages?” Frigga’s eyes contained equal parts amusement and reprimand.

“Sorry,” he rubbed at his nape sheepishly as he unlocked his door.

His parent didn’t join them and Frigga led Jane and Coulson away.

The trio congregated in the living room area, Thor and Loki on the loveseat and Amora in the large arm chair across from them.

“Why is he here?” Amora looked at Loki pointedly.

“The decisions that will be made here will affect him as well.”

Amora opened her mouth to protest further but Loki cut in as politely as he could. “I think it is best if we get to the point.”

Thor nodded. “Why didn’t you tell me and when did you find out?”

“At first I was admittedly being vindictive but after that short period I wasn’t sure you would care, especially after the first time.”

Loki’s only reaction was to twine his fingers together elegantly on his crossed knee.

“But your reaction today gave me a bit of hope. You don’t have to make the same mistake twice, Thor.” Amora echoed Loki’s earlier words. “We’re still married, we can put a halt to the proceedings and be a family. I’ve already been in Hela’s life since she was an infant and she’ll be excited to have a baby brother.”

“You’re right,” Thor sat back, placing a large hand on Loki’s thigh when he felt him tense. “I’m not making the same mistake twice. Leaving Loki behind was the mistake and I refuse to do it a second time.” His hand moved to take one of Loki’s and grasp it tightly in his own, a solid show of solidarity. “When did you find out about him?”

“When I went into labor.”

Loki frowned and Thor was thoroughly confused. “How?”

“Cryptic pregnancy. There was no abdominal swelling and I still menstruated. I didn’t have morning sickness and the small amount of weight I gained could have easily been the result of the increased eating I did.”

“The increased appetite wasn’t an indicator?” Loki sounded skeptical.

Amora shot him a grin that didn’t reach her eyes. “I’m a stress eater. The stress is what allowed Magni to go unnoticed since my body decided to keep me in the dark about him. It was why I didn’t gain the proper amount of weight and why he was born so premature with heart, lung, and immune system complications. They told me he would end up with pretty bad asthma. He’s still in the hospital now.”

Thor felt a cold grip around his heart. His son had gone through so much already and it sounds like he’s going to go through a lot more and he hadn’t been there for him or his mother, regardless of the state of their relationship.

“Is there anything more we need to know about him?”

Thor could tell Amora was holding back a scathing retort when Loki spoke but this wasn’t the time for petty conflicts. It had been a great idea to bring Loki, he kept him grounded and knew what to ask to keep him focused.

“Nothing off the top of my head. I plan to visit him after I’m done here.”

“I wish to visit him as well. Will there be complications with that? Will they know I’m his father?”

“They don’t know but if you come with me then we can get that squared away and that will allow you to visit whenever during their hours.”

Thor looked over at Loki whose eyes were narrowed at Amora. “Would you like to come with us?”

Loki snapped his gaze from her to him, but it was Amora that answered.

“With his condition as it is, only family is allowed.”

Loki patted his hand. “You should take your mother with you, and I’ll explain things to your father and the others. I’ll meet him someday, it’s important that you meet him soon.”

Thor nodded and turned his attention back to Amora. “What I still don’t understand is how you could keep this from me.” He stood and made his way to the back of the loveseat in order to pace. “You didn’t have to go through this without me.”

“I told you –“

“No.” Thor fixed her with an uncharacteristically sharp gaze. “Even with our relationship in tethers Loki and I still went out of our way to keep each other updated on Hela’s health. Heaven’s above you were there when I went to him while he was in labor! You didn’t think I’d do the same for Magni as well? You didn’t think I’d want to know how he’s fairing?”

“You know now.”

“Months after the fact!”

“Thor, calm down. Yelling won’t change the past and won’t get us anywhere now.” Loki said with his brow arched.

Thor deflated instantly. “Fine. I want to see him. Now.”

Amora stood and silently headed for the door. Thor gave Loki’s temple a quick peck before following her.

Frigga was out in the hall with Odin speaking in hushed tones.

“Mother.”

Frigga looked up. “Have a good chat?”

“We’re going to see him. It would mean a lot for you to be there as well.”

“Three’s pushing the limits hard on his visitation but we should be able to have you accompany us.” Amora added.

“Very well then.” Frigga’s delicate hand brushed her husband’s arm before she headed their way. “Let’s go meet your son.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To read more about cryptic pregnancies, here's two of the places I took a look: The [article](http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jena-pincott/pregnant-without-knowing-it_b_1078776.html) and [site](http://www.crypticpregnancysupportgroup.com/signssymptoms-of-a-cryptic-pregnancy--bleedingcontinued-periods-during-a-cryptic-pregnancy.html).
> 
>  
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	45. Move Along

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the long wait! I've been without internet for quite a while and I've just found time to make it to the library. I haven't had the time to comb over this a second time so any mistakes are my own and feel free to correct anything amiss.
> 
> Enjoy!

The drive was saved from being unbearably awkward by the presence of Frigga, who hummed softly and asked Amora the occasional question. They were allowed through the back when they arrived, and while the nurse at the station pursed her lips she allowed both of them to tag along at Amora’s insistence.

 

Amora stood closest to the door once she had greeted little Magni and quietly announced, “Daddy’s here, chéri.”

He felt so _light_ in his gloved hands.

Something loosened in Thor’s chest as soon as the boy was cupped in his hands. Frigga squeezed his shoulder in his soothing grip, her eyes soft on her grandson.

“He’s a beautiful little boy.”

Thor nodded in agreement. The boy’s, _Magni’s_ , body looked so fragile, but he’d heard Balder had been small as well and had blossomed into a hefty toddler. As stubborn as the Odinsons were, he had no doubt that Magni would prove those skeptical looking nurses wrong and beat the odds stacked against him to lead a life as close to normal as he could get.

Thor sat him down gently and let Frigga take his place, her hands even more careful than his own with a fraction of the effort. Suddenly, Amora was right beside him, a delicate hand covering her mouth while the other gripped the opposite hip in a protective manner.

“It never gets any easier seeing him like this.”

Thor placed a large hand between her shoulder blades, his thumb rubbing at the tension he found there. “He’ll be fine. You’ll see.”

 

 

Loki sat curled up on the loveseat in Thor’s room, reading an e-book on his phone. Odin and the others were most likely pouring over the proceedings and the surprise of the struggling infant in the photo Amora had conveniently brought. It was a ghastly but necessary evil to discuss.

He’d admitted to himself that he’d been terrified when he saw the picture, imagining the door to his and Thor’s future together shutting firmly on them as there’d been no way, in Loki’s mind, that it wouldn’t sway Thor back to Amora’s side. So he’d left, hoping to make a clean getaway to avoid the inevitable heartache.

But then Thor had come scurrying after him, going so far as to leave the others behind in order to come and reassure him that he wasn’t going anywhere. An immense guilt settled upon his shoulders at the amount of relief he’d felt at Thor’s steadfast loyalty, it made him feel that much better about the success of them trying again.

Once the panic had eased and that relief settled, he began to think about the child. The more he thought about the boy, the more suspicious he became. Something didn’t quite add up in his sudden existence.

Loki looked up from his screen when he heard someone try the door, watching silently as Thor brushed by and headed into the master suite, the door closing firmly behind him. Frigga wasn’t that far behind him, closing the door gently behind her.

“How was it?”

“He feels extraordinarily guilty about it all. He said he’s going to do everything in his power to make it up to them both.”

“And your opinion on that?”

Frigga sat next to his curled up form. “It’s… odd.”

“The time lines are a bit off.” Loki agreed.

“He’d said that he had no desire for more children and kept himself protected religiously.” Frigga pursed her lips, brandishing her own phone and opening up the picture gallery to a snap of the boy.

“The blond and blue are off.” Loki observed.

“There are very few blonds in Amora’s family and it’s not this shade and nor have we had one on our side. Her immediate family members’ eyes are various greens and our eyes have never been that light. Genetics work in mysterious ways but they can also be predicted in some measure.”

“You don’t think the boy’s his either?”

“They had been content together. I’d like to think she’d be above doing something this foul to manipulate my son. I managed to convince him to wait until tomorrow to sign the birth certificate.”

Loki nodded. “He shouldn’t put himself out there as the father yet, not before requesting a paternity test. His sense of nobility has no place here.”

Frigga’s lips quirked up. “You were always the realist to his optimist.”

“Have you told him of your suspicions?”

Frigga shook her head. “No, it won’t go over well. This needs a delicate approach.”

“You said you put off the signing until tomorrow so he should be informed soon, as in _now_. She’s going to try to bleed him dry now that she knows he isn’t coming back to her. He needs that paternity test.”

“Paternity test?”

Loki cursed inwardly as both he and Frigga turned to find Thor standing in the doorway of his room.

“Why would I do that? I’ve seen Magni and –”

“He barely resembles his mother, let alone you.”

Thor gave him an affronted look. He hadn’t meant to be harsh but while he wasn’t an idiot, he could be a bit dense at times. This wasn’t the time to let him figure it out on his own.

“Do you have an estimate of when he was conceived?” Loki stood, hands on his hips. “Did she inform you of how many weeks premature he was? Why would she omit that type of information? Why bring him up now and not when she was pregnant? Because I was able to get the message out to you and we were even worse off than you two are. What do you have to lose by taking one?”

Thor didn’t have the answer to any of those questions, instead he quietly said, “I’ve always made sure to use protection regardless of whether she was on the pill or not. I assumed that one of them had broken at some point.”

The naïve oaf. “She could have poked holes in a few or worse, she may have had an affair.” Frigga said.

With the exception of Loki, it didn’t really bother him to speak of such things with his mother. “We hadn’t been together since a week before Hela’s birthday.” Thor mumbled, his expression darkening.

“She could very well have found a way to conceive then but I have my doubts. I should have voiced my suspicions in her presence.”

“I’ll notify Pym.”

Frigga waved him off, standing up. “I’m sure he’s speaking with your father. Since I’m headed their way I’ll tell him myself.” She squeezed Loki’s hand and gave Thor a kiss on the cheek before taking her leave.

“If he’s not… if he’s not my son why would she do something like this?”

“I’m sure she thought the same thing when you brought up divorcing her. She’d gotten notice before you came to her, the denial must have been crushing along with the blow.”

“I should never have gone through with the marriage.”

“No, you shouldn’t have. It is mind boggling how quickly you rushed into that. We may have been engaged the same length of time it took for you to meet and marry her.”

Thor flushed.

“The Thor I recall jumped head first into a lot of things, but he sat on big decisions. Did Hollywood really change you that fast?”

“Do you think it did?”

“To an extent, yes. Your decision making is at the forefront of that.”

Thor frowned. “And you haven’t?”

Loki shrugged. “Perhaps. Have I?”

He noticed Thor looking at the ink on his exposed forearm.

“When did you get them?”

Loki shifted uncomfortably. “The accident left scar tissue. These mask them, but it sort of turned into an addiction. I plan to get more soon.”

Thor motioned towards his arm. “Can I see it?”

“I’m certain you have.” Given their instances of close proximity, how could he not have?

Thor shook his head. “There were other things happening at the time. I didn’t have much of a chance to observe them.”

Observing meant inspection, and inspection led to touching. Loki felt nowhere near ready for those outside of his mor, Hela, and Sigyn to touch him regularly. Angie only got to touch him because it was necessary for the tattooing and he made sure Svad and the very rare others only touched him as minimally as possible during their encounters.

“Maybe… another time.”

Thor looked disappointed but he didn’t push the matter.

Loki’s phone vibrated in his hand and the display lit up. It was his mor.

“Hej, Mor!” It was Hela then.

Loki grinned; Hela always greeted him in his native tongue, leaving it up to him to set the tone, or language rather.

“How are you, darling?”

“Great! Mormor took me to the zoo today!”

“Oh really? What did you see, love?” Loki put the call on speaker so Thor, who had immediately crossed the room at Loki’s signal, could hear.

They listened with indulgent smiles as she rattled on about the animals she’d seen and delved further into her day. Neither he nor Thor had wanted her in Los Angeles while things were being hashed out. The paparazzi were out full force and they hadn’t wanted her to be in the thick of it. She, his mor, and the others were in a smaller neighboring town.

“Sounds like you had a lot of fun.”

Hela gasped at the sound of her father’s voice. “Daddy!”

The soft look in Thor’s eyes as he spoke to their daughter made his heart skip a beat. They have their issues that need resolving but there was no doubt that Thor was a great parent. That poor child would’ve hit the jackpot of doting fathers but he had a hunch that the boy would sadly miss out.

“And _Disneyland_ isn’t that far away! Can we go? I’m a big girl now, can we?”

“Your father will be here for a while longer and I have a show a few hours away coming up so Mormor will has more than enough time to take you.”

There was a beat of silence before Hela softly says, “But I want to go with you. Both of you.”

Loki sighed and he caught Thor’s wince in his peripheral.

“Why don’t you go to _Disneyland_ with your mormor and we’ll take you to _Disney World_ as soon as we are able?”

Another pause. “Is it because of the people who take the pictures?”

Loki hated this part of their lives. They got to do what they loved and have the masses appreciate it and they could give her daughter whatever she could ever dream of as well as spoil themselves, but the freedom to go and do whatever was somewhat diminished by their every move being documented.

“In part. We won’t be able to until this leg of Mor’s tour is up and Daddy has things he needs to sort out.”

“Then can we go?”

“Yes.” Thor assured.

“Promise?”

“Promise.” They said in unison.

There was a shuffling in the background before Loki heard his mor’s voice. “It’s about time to put her down for a nap, she’s been rubbing at her eyes for the last five minutes.”

“But Mormor –”

 “No buts. Nap time.”

“We’ll talk to you later, darling.”

“Even big girls need their rest,” Thor added.

“Okay.” Loki smiled at the obvious pout in her one. “Bye-bye.”

“I’ll call after she’s down to get an update.” Farbauti said before the line went dead.

 

 

The ride to the venue was rather uneventful, with most of the band huddled in the lounge area of the tour bus. He felt guilty about leaving Thor alone to deal with the possible (certain, in his mind) revelation of little Magni not being his, but he couldn’t – _wouldn’t_ – put his career on hold as he had already had to pull dates because of what happened with Victor.

He looked up when he felt a presence in the back with him. He pushed himself up on his elbows on his cot when he saw who it was.

“Svad.”

“Loki.” The other brunet grinned, sliding the door closed behind himself. He hesitated but a moment before he stepped up to Loki’s mid-level bunk. “I haven’t heard from you in a bit. Thought I’d ask after you.”

“I’ve been doing well actually. With all that’s been going on I’m sorry I haven’t dropped by for a beer and a chat.”

Svad waved off his concern. “Nonsense, you’re right. There has been a lot going on; it’s nice for it to be slowing down.” He shifted from foot to foot. “The others had quite a late night last night, out like lights in there.”

Loki felt a heavy feeling in his gut. He should have known that this is where this had been headed, they’ve done it before. They had always made a bit of small talk, keeping things friendly before they had sex. “Svad…”

Had it been a year, or even a few months, ago Loki would have jumped at the chance for a bit of roughing it in the stall or even here in the bunks. While the incident with Victor gave him pause, it was also what he had started with Thor that put the brakes on any activity. He wouldn’t tell Svad that though, as far as the others outside of Sigyn and Maria knew, he and Thor had only faked any kind relations between each other.

He opened his mouth to come up with a suitable excuses that didn’t make him sound like a broken, fragile thing, but Svad beat him to it.

The drummer winced. “Shit. I can’t believe I’m thinking along those lines after what that monster did to you. But we’ve slept together before and you now I’d never hurt you like that. Ever.”

While it stung that Svad did indeed seem him as this broken, fragile thing it gave him a solid reason to back out now and for the near future. “My body knowing that and my mind convincing itself are two different things.” Now that he thought about it, even the images of giving himself that way to Thor made him tense up. Yet another problem for the future.

Though he was discouraged, Svad nodded. “It’s been a while since we’ve caught up. Mind a chat now?” He asked as he climbed into his bunk diagonal from Loki.

Loki smiled up at him before talking about recently picking his exercise regime back up and the ideas he’s been jotting down for _Mischief’s_ next album. Thor was more than willing to listen but he didn’t have the passion and drive to create music just like Loki will never truly understand the art of embodying a character outside of his on-stage persona and becoming someone else. It felt good to be able to bounce creative flows off of someone who got it and it cemented how much he missed being with his band.

While he was the primary songwriter, it was nice to pick up some ideas from his bandmates. He made a mental note to have a collective brainstorming session with the others later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	46. Chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm complete and utter trash and I apologize for the loooong wait. This is what happens when you take on three intermediate accounting courses. Any mistakes are my own and feel free to let me know if there are any.
> 
> Enjoy!

It was just after sound check the next day when Loki got the text.

_Talk to him._

It was from Frigga.

He locked himself in a nearby restroom and quickly dialed.

Heavy breathing echoed through the receiver. “Yes?” Thor grunted on the other end.

“Thor?” Loki said quietly, moving as far away from the door as possible.

“It’s not a good time right now, Loki.”

“I locked myself in a venue restroom for you. You want to try a different answer?”

“I’m one of the last people you should be closing up on.” He waited a spell. “Was I right?’

“That _bitch_.”

“ _Thor!_ ’ He heard Frigga admonish in the background.

Loki winced when he carried on like he didn’t hear her. He would most likely pay for that later. “I know it’s a fucked up situation that I’ve led us all to but we’re still young, she has time. I’ve no doubt that she could move on if today was anything to go by. For as unhappy as I may have been, I would never have had an affair and kept it from her.

She was more than willing to let me play the fool and have me believe he was my biological son. What if I’d actually stayed and years down the road we discover that we’d both be duped. Do you know what that could _do_ to someone, let alone a kid?”

Loki startled as something on Thor’s end shattered.

“Now you listen to me young man –”

“ _Mum_.” That inherited accent thickened and he could hear Thor grinding his teeth. “ _I can replace it._ ”

“I don’t care, that’s not the point. This is no way to behave anywhere outside of your own home. That’s someone else’s property.”

“What happened?”

“I brought it up before the hearing. She pulled the whole offended act but with Mum there I persisted. She walked away and stayed away until it was time to go in. I brought the idea before the judge and she agreed that one should be done. Three days later and here we are.”

Loki didn’t have anything to say to that. He’d already known when he got a good look at the boy post hysteria.

“And now the media’s down our throats because between the swabs and the results someone leaked that it was getting done and the results will somehow become public before we know it.” Thor sighed. “This is a bigger pile than I’d anticipated. I’ll understand if you want to push this back a bit further. Or not go through with it at all.”

“I’m not backing out of this. We’ll have to put all of our collective heads together but this might be a good time to further this thing. The speculation is already there. Public opinion won’t be in her favor right now and it should help to balance out the potential backlash from your end.”

Thor sighed heavily. “I wonder who it was. If it was someone I knew.”

Loki knew he wasn’t talking about whoever let the paternity test slip. “There’s no sense in dwelling over it. It shouldn’t be long before the divorce is finalized.”

“Should be by the end of the week. It’s the only thing keeping me sane right now. I just want this to be over with.”

“Hate to tell you but this is only the beginning.”

The blond sounded much calmer than he had when he took the call. “When will you be back in the area?”

“Long enough to gather Hela and Mor before heading to Washington.”

Silence. “Can I meet you there?” Thor asked tentatively.

“I’ll get you the details when I talk to Maria.”

Thor huffed. “You mean _you_ don’t have the full itinerary?”

Loki snorted. “Usually I’ve gone over it many times over by now but my life decided I needed more drama and threw my ex-fiancé back in it.”

“LOKI! I’M HUNGRY! WHEREVER YOU ARE, BRING YOUR ASS!”

“Is that Sigyn? I can hear her though the phone.” Thor sounded impressed. “You sure she shouldn’t be the singer?”

“Lead vocalist.” Loki sniffed. “And she sounds like a dying animal when she’s doing anything outside of backup vocals. That’s my cue.”

“I’ll see you soon, Loki.”

“Yeah.”

“Bye.”

“Goodbye.”

Loki slid his phone into his back pocket and exited the bathroom just as Sigyn turned the corner.

She glanced behind him. “You done taking a shit?”

Loki rolled his eyes. “Had to make room for lunch somehow.”

“Come on, come on. I’m in the mood for some tacos.”

They’d forgone an actual restaurant in favor of emptying out Taco Bell. They chose to eat in Loki’s room, sitting across from each other at the small table.

“I’m just getting back into the swing of my workouts and here you are feeding me fast food.” Loki complained, inhaling another soft taco.

“You could’ve just gone hungry.”

He flipped her off.

“So,” she took a sip of her water. “How’s things on the big, blond, and stupid front?”

Loki ignored the back half of her question. “You know he’s been in the process of getting the divorce, right?”

“Yep.”

“Well he’s having a tough time of it. Amora had an affair and a child came of it.”

Sigyn sat back in her chair. “Oh?”

“And she tried to convince him it was his.”

“He got a paternity test, right?”

Loki nodded. “That’s how he found out.”

Sigyn grimaced. “Yikes. He’s an absolute ass but I wouldn’t wish that on any man. Has it gone public yet?”

“If it hasn’t then it will soon enough.”

“The gossips are gonna have a field day with that. You sure you want to be a part of that?”

“It won’t last forever. As I’ve told Thor, the speculation’s already there because of the outings.”

Sigyn sighed. “If only all the effort you’re willing to put into this were directed at someone else. He doesn’t deserve you.”

“Syn -”

“You’re still young, Loki –”

“Syn –”

“I know Victor was a disaster –”

“Syn –”

“- but there are plenty of great guys out there for you. All you have to do is –”

“ _Syn_ –”

“There’s still time to find that special –”

Loki slammed his fist down on the table. “ _If I have to hear this at all it damn well shouldn’t be from you!_ ”

Sigyn looked taken aback. It was very rare for him to have such an outburst.

“Steve is willing to take a chance on you when you broke his heart. He feel that something extraordinary will come of you two. You would begrudge me the choice of doing the same thing with Thor?”

“I’m sorry Loki, it’s just… seeing the aftermath of what he’d done… seeing you so _broken_.” She shook her head as if it would make the memories go away.

“I’m sorry you had to seem like that, but have you ever stopped to think that someone else, maybe even Thor, had to do the same for Steve?”

Sigyn stood abruptly, patting her pockets as she made a beeline for the balcony. “I’m sorry, I just have to – I just have to talk to him.”

Loki nodded, feeling guilty for the anguished look on his best friend’s face. “Take as long as you need.”

 

 

Seattle wasn’t as dreary as it had been the last time they’d been there. Hopefully they wouldn’t be rained on when they took to the stage this time.

Hela had loved the sights and it was nice to spend time with her and his mother without some type of drama being the cause. The small girl had been worn out by all of the exploring and he was on his way to lay her down in her room when there was a soft knock on the main door behind them.

Loki frowned, backtracking until he reached the peephole. Thor had found them just fine then.

“Who is it, Mor?” Hela mumbled tiredly.

Loki opened the door in lieu of answering and turned so she could see who it was.

“Daddy!”

Thor grinned as Loki let him in, sling the door behind himself. Hela just about climbed over Loki’s shoulder to get to her father.

“How’s my little girl?” Thor asked as he took her from him.

“Good! We had so much fun!” Hela squeezed him with all of her strength before pulling back to look between the two of them, a disbelieving, but happy smile on her face. It was a familiar look as it had occurred every time they’d taken her out.

It hit Loki with the force of a freight train, there last few months had been a first in having both of her parents with her since the night she’d been born. It was a sobering thought.

“And what did you do today that was so fun, love?”

They sat down as Hela began to relay some of the things they’d seen that morning. He saw Thor glance at him, or rather his lips, every so often. When he was able to catch Thor’s eye he shook his head, his eyes cutting to Hela.

Thor seemed just a smidgen disappointed, but his eyes reflected his understanding. He wouldn’t mind a kiss from the blond, but not in front of Hela. Not yet anyway. He didn’t want to give her too much hope, just in case.

Once she’d finished catching him up to speed, Hela let out a huge yawn.

“Looks like it’s time for your nap.”

“But Mor –”

“No buts, your father will be here when you wake up.”

Hela pouted but she couldn’t deny she was tired, rubbing at her eyes. “Will stay with me?”

“Of course, mitt hjärta.”

She looked up expectantly at Thor, taking him by surprise. “You too?”

Thor looked to Loki for confirmation and he shrugged in response.

“Absolutely, love.”

Hela flashed that same smile at them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We'll continue dealing with the aftermath of the divorce as well as Thor and Loki working their way to becoming public.
> 
> Like I said, any mistakes are my own and when I find the time I'll hash back through the story to neaten things up.
> 
> I'm on [tumblr](http://seidrlightning.tumblr.com/), feel free to yell at me about how late this post is there or whatever thoughts you have that you don't want to post here. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
